It must be so disappointing that he can’t see that it has become inappropriate. If he was meeting up in a playgroup setting with others it wouldn’t be so bad but one on one, regularly, is taking it too far. If others are noticing then I would definitely be concerned.

I agree with how you are feeling. It seems that he can have a female friend and spend plenty of time with her but you had to stop associating with your friends who were male. I think you need to confront them together and see if they get uncomfortable with the scenario. If so then you have your answer

Its horrible that your husband is not putting you first and doing all he can to calm your fears and respect you. Its the fact that he is like this that would upset me most and lead me to feel that this other woman is very important to him.
Perhaps ask to see his phone next time she messages and if he doesnt simply hand it over I would think he has things to hide.

This doesn’t sound like a good situation to be in and I feel for you. It does sound like he could be crossing a line here especially if other mums have noticed it and mentioned something to you. Good on you for being honest and raising it with him but for him to brush it off and continue with the friendship without understanding your concerns is not great. I don’t have any advice but wish you all the best in resolving this.

This isn’t a situation I’d like to be in, but I think the worst part is how dismissive the husband is being. If he were to validate her feelings and give some reassurance then maybe it wouldn’t be such a big deal weighing on OPs mind. If this isn’t a reoccurring feeling or argument, there should be room for a conversation. I’d be unhappy if I were her.

Ouch! Poor thing! What a horrible situation! I personally think that communication is THE most important part of every relationship. They definitely need to discuss this without anyone’s feelings being dismissed!
They should both be each others number one priority and surely he could try and think how he would feel if the situation was reversed!

I do think that generally people worry too much about friendships that cross gender. It’s not always a bad sign – quite the contrary. However, as I’ve already said, the problem here is that he doesn’t seem to be listening to her concerns, and it’s the lack of interest in her feelings that’s problematic.

I would try to have an open and honest conversation with him and express your feelings in regards this matter. How it makes you feel that he dismisses your feelings, how he measures with double standards and that you even consider to call it quits. Try to find out you want and what he wants; you never know he actually wants a divorce

Definitely hard to digest thinking your partner could be flirting or getting on more than he should with another parent. As we dont know the full picture and dynamic of what they do, converse about etc, the best thing you can do is bring up your feelings and discuss it like adults and come to an agreement or attend counselling before calling it quits?

This is a dangerous situation for a marriage. It is still salvageable though if both parties are willing to work on it. I have at times struck up friendships with males as I seem to get along with them better than females and on my side it was completely platonic, but sometimes the other side could be reading more into it. It is about opening the communication lines and helping him to see how his actions are damaging to the relationship. Spend more time together and doing things for each other. You need to get back to where you were when you were dating and make it so that you are the one he wants to spend time with and vice versa.

Run – this is how affairs begin. Innocently to start with then something shifts

Whether they are friends or more than friends potentially, it’s the fact he dismisses your feelings and requests when raised, that speaks volumes. When he was uncomfortable with your male friendships, you compromised, but he wont. That’s selfish double standards. I would feel as uncomfortable about it as you do. Relationships need mutual respect – it doesnt sound like it’s a 2 way thing here. If it cannot be salvaged, then separation might be the option that needs to be considered. I think consider what YOU want, and if he continues to ignore your feelings, then perhaps there is your answer. Does he realise you are considering ending your marriage, or will it be seen as an ultimatum he will resist…..he’s kind of put himself in this position. Your partner should take priority over a friend, in my mind anyway.

This isn’t okay. You should probably tell him that you are thinking of divorce to see if it will nip this behaviour in the bud.
Also, have you tried reaching out to the other mum and letting her know you feel this way? If she is truly a girls girl she would back off!

It’s a inappropriate friendship and that’s just facts. There is no need for the two of them to hang out one on one and message between themselves constantly. If one of them hasn’t caught feelings they probably will. You have to think of it this way, is he unhappy at home or something missing in the relationship that he is wanting a new female friend so desperately ( cause it does seem desperate – the way he ignores his wife’s feelings of disapproval ) If he wants a friend well go make male friends. I’d be having more honest and open conversations with him and get to the bottom of it. He probably won’t admit to anything. If something does happen between them you’ll probably only hear of it cause someone will catch them out. I’d be very cautious of him. But obviously IDK if this women is telling us the whole story either, if it’s the whole story then yeah he is dodgy and suss as.

Yes I think this would make me uncomfortable too. He seems very dismissive of your feelings, whilst he himself was uncomfortable with you having male friend and you stopped those friendships for him; this seems unfair. An option could be that you have an open and honest conversation with him together with a counselor

I’m always on my own at pick up as my partner works a lot. And whilst I’m friendly and polite to everyone. I make conversation, sure. But have build ONLY with other Mums. It feels inappropriate to get to know someone else’s spouse without their spouse around and I think it’s normal. Grown ups should be able to identify where the line is and it seems like your husband is failing to recognise the line and call it or just doesn’t care how you feel. My advice is not to make this you vs her. Men disgustingly love that attention. Tell him you’re unhappy and your feelings towards him are changing. See if that doesn’t grab his attention. But keep an eye on him! You don’t want him back in your home if he “slips up”.

Yes this situation would make me feel uncomfortable especially when you dropped your male friends because he wasn’t happy with you having them. If other mothers at the school are commenting on this friendship then it would appear that you might have something to worry about, especially if he keeps fobbing you off when you try to talk to him about it. Maybe telling him that you are considering divorce would put a stop to it, or would it just continue without anyone seeing what is happening.

I wouldn’t want my husband messaging another women or having female friends. Going out for coffee no. That’d annoy me. I’d ask him to put a stop to the friendship as I feel uncomfortable and don’t want him hanging out with her or messaging her. Only general chit chat at school pick up. I’d be switching hours so I can pick my kids up. So mr mum can get a life away from the school mums.

He’s a jerk. Tell him so and that he is disrespecting you and your boundaries and if it doesn’t stop the marriage is over.
Also confront the other woman.
You could offer to get professional counselling with him for the childrens sake and/or offer to stay in the same house, separate bedrooms.

It’s not about the fact that she’s a woman, it’s about how your husband shows respect for your relationship. If boundaries are clear, your voice is heard, and he’s making you feel secure, then friendships outside the marriage can be fine. If he gets defensive, that says more than if he’s just open and understanding.