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There’s so very little magic left in the world. Such small droplets of innocence floating around waiting to land on just the right sweet child. So why should I break my tween’s heart, and finally answer truthfully when he asks me, ‘Is Santa real?’

For the past three years or so, my 12-year-old has posed probing questions just as the mince tarts and tinsel start to appear on the shelves. Sometimes he’ll phrase them in an offhand way, so as not to draw too much attention to the subject.

Him: “The kids at school say Santa’s not real.”
Me: “Yeah? Which kids?” Deflect, deflect!!
Him: “Just kids.” Such a tween answer.
Me: “Well, what do you think?”
Him: “I dunno, mum. I mean, how does he get to every single house. How does he make every single toy?”
Me: “You know … it’s sad for those kids. They don’t believe. Remember, Santa’s all about believing. If you believe, the magic happens.”

It’s the same answer I give each year. A little vague and wishy washy, a whole lot of deflection riding on a wing and a prayer. But how long do I keep up the ruse?

I remember my very first Christmas as a mum. He was only nine-months-old. Way too young to remember any of what was happening. But we did the lot – Santa visit and photo, milk and cookies, snowy footprints, handwritten letter. And we’ve kept it going every years since.

But it gets me thinking, do we do all this for our kids or for ourselves?

I like to think it’s a bit of both. Yes, it makes us feel warm and fuzzy, but the reason is the joy it brings to our children. The wide-eyed surprise when they see fresh presents laid under the tree on Christmas morning. The giggles as they spot how many carrots the reindeer ate. This type of pure happiness can’t be bad, can it?

He’s now 12 years old. Right on the cusp of becoming a teen. Heading to high school next year. And with a good deal of cynicism about so many things in the world now. But this one thing, we’re still holding onto it.

I’ve had people recommend we break the news gently to him before he starts high school. For fear he’ll be ridiculed, or have his heart broken by someone who finally lays out the truth in all its innocence-shattering glory.

And then there’s his younger sibling to consider. Will he be able to help keep the secret for his little brother? Or will it come blurting out in the middle of a brotherly dust up?

Perhaps I’m holding onto the Santa secret for fear of letting go. He’s currently straddling that precarious world between still being my little boy, and becoming a man-child. It’s just one more thing I have to let go of as he grows up, and if I’m honest, it makes my heart ache for the chubby-cheeked innocence of his baby and toddler years.

My other fear is grappling with his inevitable realisation that I, as his mother, has been lying to him for his whole life. But my instinct tells me that he’s a smart kid, he’ll understand that this lie was not malicious. It wasn’t intended to deceive in a hurtful way. I hope he’ll get it.

Maybe if I do finally have ‘the talk’, he’ll be relieved. He’ll tell me that he knows. That’s he’s known for a long time, but he didn’t want to break the spell.

As Christmas creeps closer, and the questions are no doubt brewing, I’m pretty sure I’ll do what I’ve always done when it comes to mothering. I’ll just feel it.

If it feels like the right time to finally lift the lid on the truth, then so be it. And I’ll let him become part of the next stage of the journey. To become the custodian of the Santa secret for his little brother, and eventually his own children.

When do you think is the right age to let kids in on the Santa secret?

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  • If he is asking questions then in his heart of hearts he already knows – but he’ll keep going along with it to get the presents.

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  • I’m surprised a 12 year old can make it to that age and still believe. We haven’t really made an effort to make our kids believe in Santa, they have had times where they believe, but kids are smart enough to work these things out whether you choose to lie to them or not.

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  • I told my son when he was in Grade 6, heading into Year 7. He’s the type of child that will fight to the death for something he believes in, so we let him know then to avoid him being picked on and bullied. Once he was told, the magic really does stop. It’s sad because it changes things. He never felt we lied to him, and he then asked many questions that we would laugh about. But the magic goes and that’s sad.

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  • Our 8 year old has started questioning it. We don’t deby it but because she has younger siblings we just tell her if she doesn’t believe then he won’t come to her.

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  • I will never confirm or deny the existence of magic and fantasy. The world is harsh enough, even as an adult I want to be able to believe in the possibility of something magical.

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  • As a child I was always told, “for those that believe Santa comes and those that don’t their parents will give them a gift”. It was never a lie by my parents and we (older brother and myself) knew the truth fairly young but didn’t spoil anything for my sister (6 years younger).
    At 12, if your son doesn’t know I would be letting him know so he isn’t teased at school but he more than liking knows.

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  • I was told at 5 years old by awful boys in class he wasn’t real but refused to believe them in case Santa didn’t visit. Was devastated when my parents told me at 12. It was probably the best time to find out, before going to high school though.

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  • There’s no correct age to tell them Santa’s not real. They do work it out for themselves. We never told our boys the truth, they just worked it out for themselves.

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  • I wouldn’t bother telling th m Santa isn’t real they just figure it out themselves especially when they get older and are attending school. Just go with the flow.

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  • I knew way before high school. I can’t even remember when but I think it was around the age of 7 or 8… just like them, it was kids at school saying the same thing that Santa wasn’t real.
    I don’t know when I’ll break it to my kids, they’re only 3 and 1 at the moment so I’ll keep it up for as long as I can!

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  • My children knew before 12 probably around 10 the oldest, but he kept the theme going with me for the younger ones till they got close to that age too. It’s a nice feeling for them, but I guess that the new family moving in next door who didn’t believe in presents, not even for birthdays, had something to do with my children growing up a little more quickly.

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  • We don’t do Santa in our household. Our kids know about the Santa story but they enjoy opening presents from their family, not some old man with a beard

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  • Our 12 year old knows that this knowledge is now in his hands and it is his special job to keep the tradition going for the next generation.

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  • I think every child is different but I will be sad the day this happens for my son… Christmas is so much more special as a Mum.. especially to a toddler.

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  • I suspect he’s well aware that Santa doesn’t exist, he probably is keeping up the pretext for you, so things aren’t spoilt for you

    Reply

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