I’ll acknowledge that there are some real miscarriages of justice when it comes to child removal, but there are also some atrocious parents out there.

Hearing that I would wonder what had gone on. I guess I would think that perhaps the parents had done something wrong but at the same time I would think that perhaps there was only one parent and perhaps they had a health issue that meant they were unable to care for the child.

People can be cruel and it could be that the mother was homeless and it was not safe for the children especially now with a lot of parents sleeping in their cars as they can’t afford housing prices. The mother might of decided the children were better off with their father as they had no employment, lots of things could of happened.

I think this is a really important article – I would have been guilty of making these assumptions maybe, so I’m glad to have had a reminder and more information to put me right. As I get older I understand a bit more that we rarely have the full story and we never have the right to judge other people.

Unfortunately government departments get it wrong a lot of the time. I often wonder how they got employed to do their job. DCP needs overhauling .

I was a carer for 30 years and yes Government departments get it wrong a lot of times!

I think by default, most people would automatically assume any kids removed from a parent is due to neglect or abuse and therefore think badly of that parent.
But judgement is so easy to do – being open minded and kind is an intentional act and seems so rare these days.

No one knows anyone else’s battles or struggles. I think poverty plays a big part in kids removed from parents.
Domestic violence is a huge issue most people think doesn’t happen to people like us. As in kids that go to the same school as your kids or live in the same area. Dv affects every society – well off, average or financially disadvantaged.

In financial well off families this abuse will occur most often in covert ways – a parent controlling the other parent, controlling the kids, lying, threats, withholding money etc. It’s power and control. The other parent is left with nothing to stand on and unable to fight false accusations.

A parent who can’t afford all the newish and best items, struggle to afford uniforms and lunches and learning materials. They require help and compassion – not kids removed. And this in turn means they can’t fight for their kids as a parent who has financial means can. Appearances can be incredibly deceptive.

Of course any abuse or neglect means a parent absolutely should not have custody!

But so many things can play out to leave a family struggling. And there’s no support until it’s too late.
Even things like parental grief – losing a loved one, or depression and mental health issues, or caring for elderly parents can lead to kids being removed. With appropriate support this wouldn’t happen.

Money and finances play a huge role here. Financially disadvantaged families will lose custody, where as well off families aren’t even looked at or investigated.

The saying ‘everyone is fighting a battle’ is so true. It’s just the type and level of it. And no one knows what’s truly going on for someone else.

I’d try my damndest not to assume a parent who’s kids were removed was a ‘bad parent’. Automatic o is easy. But if you don’t know the circumstances then you don’t know. Kindness and compassion should be everyone’s first response. Easier said than done and I’m certainly nowhere near perfect. But things happen in life, and not judging is my rule of thumb.

But absolutely any case of abuse or neglect is obviously unacceptable and not applicable to what I’ve said above. I was abused as a child and have experienced many years of domestic violence, so I know the life long harm this causes.

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  • • Ellen replied
    • 12 Jun 2021 , 4:07 am

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  So true ! Sorry you went through abuse yourself, xx

We were under investigation of child protection ourselves in 2018 after my youngest got hurt in the garden whilst playing with her sibling who had shown harmful behaviours to her sister (both are foster kids under a legal guardianship order). By lack of evidence the suspicion went initially on me !! Investigations lasted about 1,5yr with end result of us being cleared. I was a stressful period and in a way scary

I honestly don’t know what I would think. Growing up I believe my brother and I should have been removed from our mums “care” (dad worked huge hours so wasn’t home much, but was a good parent). But as the parent of a very high needs child I often wonder when the call will be made for me to be investigated. I’m not the best parent I will openly admit to that but nothing that would be considered out of the ordinary for the exhausted parent of a high needs child.

My first thought is are they struggling for money or is it something to do with a health issue. Most likely it’s because someone has spread rumours about them and their situation. If they are into drugs or suicidal then I agree the children should be removed for their own safety. If it’s a money issue then the government should see what they can do to help not punish them by removing their children and possibly their only reason for living.

I appreciate that the Family Court can get this wrong. I know of someone who had a vindictive ex and as a result vicious rumours and stories were spread. You would like to think it all comes out in the end, but it doesn’t, sadly.

I would hope the truth would come out in the case of vindictive exs

It’s hard, My Aunty had her kids removed at no fault of her own but a nasty vindictive ex partner, she got them back into her care after the courts realised who was actually the bad parent. The government do get things wrong sometimes.

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  • • Ellen replied
    • 02 Jun 2021 , 7:45 am

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  The government has it wrong sometimes indeed ! Sorry your aunt had to go through this, that on itself is already rather traumatic.

l believe there are always two slides to every story . l do not judge other people l only really believe something only if l have seen it for myself

Yep, don’t judge others.

This is a really sad scenario – this is a reminder that we shouldn’t judge a book by its cover.

Unfortunately I do automatically think poolt of the parents, however, this is mostly due to having come across children in this situation in my line of work. It’s heartbreakimg but you can see why they were removed.

Yes, people are too quick to judge. An interesting read.

Great read ! We’ve 2 kids who were removed from their biological parents, both are victims of abuse and neglect.
We never know the full story indeed and often behind the abuser is a victim too.
Definitely a lot of pain, shame and guilt !
Instead of judging we may want to reach out to them

Definitely easy to judge, but this article has alot of truth. We don’t sit down to talk to people about WHY