The dad is right, his current wife has no right to interfere or give her opinion about that money. It is not hers and none of her business. It is not that the stepdaughter and youngest child are less deserving, it’s that simply that money doesn’t belong to them and it was not left to them either

I’d be putting it locked into bank accounts getting interested for the children. To access at 18. And telling her she is not too mention your first wives money again. As it is not her business

The dad is right. It’s the late wife’s wishes

The dad is definitely doing the right thing. The money belonged to his late wife, and her wishes was for the money to go to her two children. I hope he stands his ground and keeps it that way. And paying for extra curricular for all four kids out of that fund is not an alternative!
It’s the current wife that is being very unreasonable.

I’m with the dad on this. Whether his late wife specifically wanted her money put aside for their children or not, the dad has made the right decision in doing that for their kids future. The new wife and the dad needs to look at what they can do to set up the other kids and covet any extra curricula. Unfortunately though sometimes you can’t do it all

Absolutely not!! Your late wife deserves to have her wishes honoured! Those are her kids and her money, she told you her wishes trusting you would honour them which is likely why there isn’t a will. Don’t break that trust, those are her babies and as a mum knowing I could provide for them at some point after my passing makes me rest easy!! Providing for your new partner’s kids wasn’t on the cards for your late wife!

You are absolutely doing the right thing. It’s not your money to spend!! Stand your ground on this one, after all you have to live with the guilt if you go against the original plans

He is doing the correct thing and honoring her wishes. 2nd wife has no claim to it.

What the husband is doing is the right thing. The late wife’s money should be saved for her own kids. Hope he doesn’t budget. She should be responsible for the fees of her daughter from her previous marriage, so wrong for her to expect him to use the money the late wife has set aside. She probably saved hard for it so that her kids have a head start in the future so why should her kids have to suffer because his current wife hasn’t saved enough to support her own child from her previous relationship.

I don’t think the wife deserves a cent. The mums passed and funds should go to her kids. It’s the right thing to do.

That money should have gone into bank accounts for her children as soon as she passed. While I can understand the new wife wanting what’s best for her children as well, that money is no more hers than the next door neighbours money would be and she has no rights to it at all.

All what he is doing is respecting the wishes of his late wife and her money and anything that was her separate finances is being saved for their children. This is not his money but it was hers and she allocated it to their 2 children. His current wife should accept this and/or try to set money aside for the stephdaughter and younger child

She’s trying to look out for her kids – which is fair enough – but I think the Dad is doing the right thing by keeping the money set aside for the older kids only.

I can definitely see where the new wife is coming from, knowing that the money is there. But this is something his late wife wanted, as he said, the money is not his its for the first 2 children.

Has the new wife made any sacrifices to ensure they can afford the dance classes like giving up take away coffee etc.? Because if she is not prepared to make those sacrifices now, how can she say that they could use the money now and pay it back later? Pay it back with what?

Absolutely agreed with some of the most upvoted answers, that the money should go into a trust for the two children for when they reach adulthood. I always hate reading these. The two kids will go through life with a huge void, not having a biological mother, something that the other children have. To possibly ruin the relationship with those kids for dance lessons? Unhinged and entitled behaviour.

His late wife made it clear what she wanted. Sadly though she should have had a Will…..we all should have Wills and clearly state what we wish to happen. Do not depend on word of mouth. Put it in writing and make it legal to avoid this sort of drama.

• • 
  • • mom93821 replied
    • 18 Sep 2024 , 5:33 am

  ---

  I agree; a current and valid will is so essential and can lessen angst in families.

  ---

  • • 
    • • mom486197 replied
      • 18 Sep 2024 , 7:17 am

    ---

    Wills are so important these days as people can agree to anything but in the end once you have passed it is up to them if it is not in writing. It is good to see the dad keep his promise for his kids and do what the kids mum asked of him.

The dad is doing the right thing and his current wife should respect is late wife’s wishes and stop gashlighting him

• • 
  • • Ellen replied
    • 17 Sep 2024 , 7:42 am

  ---

  Also it was his late wife’s money, not even his

Acting with integrity and keeping the money for the children displays respect for his former wife and their children. It is important to act with integrity and honour.

• • 
  • • mom486197 replied
    • 17 Sep 2024 , 6:44 am

  ---

  I agree with you on this one. The new wife should be more respectful of his decision he agreed on with his late wife.

He is honouring the wishes of his late wife regarding their children, and should continue to do so.

His current wife married this man with the full knowledge of the wishes of his late wife for their children,, and she agreed at the time.

It would be “unfair” of his current wife to expect him to start using what is effectively his late wife’s money, for anything other than her wishes.

i agree that if his current wife still has problems with that, some counselling may be useful.

Wow ! Red flag alert ! Your current wife understands that you are honouring your first wife – but possibly feels jealous that you are not putting her own wishes above your deceased wife’s.
I think it shows that you have integrity and that you should be valued more for that, not harassed . Perhaps see a counsellor so she can have an impartial party explain this is a good thing; and that she needs to adjust her wants (not needs) to suit your means.

• • 
  • • Ellen replied
    • 17 Sep 2024 , 7:39 am

  ---

  Yes, red flags for sure !!

Yes, he’s doing the right thing. HIs late wife would definitely have wanted to leave the money to her children, not people she didn’t know.