36 Answers

I understand that when looking at the bigger picture what I am about to complain about isn’t actually a big deal- but it’s still really impacting me!

I’ve recently had a baby, which means extra random visits from my mother- who usually only pops by occasionally.

It’s killing me because every time she sees my little ones she insists that they call her “mummy” and she wants them to call me by my first name.

My eldest has severe autism and doesn’t understand what’s going on- to the point where she was able to convince him that she is his real mother. Just typing that makes me want to vomit!

I’ve got an eight year old who is wonderful and questions my mother rather than blindly following her orders- my mother dislikes that child immensely.

Every time I tell my mother how this behaviour makes me feel, that it needs to STOP and how confusing it is for my children, she insists that I am only feeling this way because I have postnatal depression- even though I don’t actually have PND.

I just want to know what’s going on. Am I too sensitive? Has anyone else experienced this sort of nonsense?

It’s not as though I referred to my maternal grandmother as “mummy” or anything close to it! I called her “Nan”.

How can I get myself and especially my children out of this absolutely ridiculous situation?

I mean if all parties felt comfortable with the name a child calls their grandparent that’s fine, but I am not comfortable at all and I feel she is completely crossing the line!!

Posted by someonesmother, 26th October 2020

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  • This doesn’t sound right at all, she’s definitely crossing a line. I would explain to her what the boundaries are and what the consequences will be when she continues to cross them

  • Wow that is super weird that your mum is being like that. You are definitely not overreacting. I would honestly just put my foot down and be straight up with her. You’re the mum she is the nan and she needs to deal with that.

  • Sounds like your mother is very controlling and putting you down. I say she is toxic and my friend I want you to find the courage to say to her that under no circumstances that your children are going to call her mummy. And ask her what she wants to be called I. E Nan, grandma. This I feel is detrimental to your children mental health. Maybe you can word it like you feel it’s disrespectful and that Nan or grandma is much more appropriate. Good luck!

  • I don’t think you’re overreacting. Perhaps a psychologist could help you deal with this situation in an efficient and logical way?

  • I totally don’t think this is ok. She is not their mother. She is their grandmother. I am thinking that maybe she is finding it challenging coming to terms with the fact she is actually a grandmother. No one i know who has kids, has their mother wanting to be called mummy. I’m sorry but it is weird, and it is affecting your family. I would suggest to sit down and talk to her about it, and if she doesn’t stop then you will have to exclude her from visiting.

  • How does the father of the children feel about this situation? Maybe he needs to say something to her.
    Do you have any siblings who would say anything to your Mum about it? or a friend of your Mum’s who will support you? Her actions are really going to have a negative impact on your son. If everything you try fails, If you have to, don’t answer the door a few times. Another alternative might be to find somebody to talk to her…..if they can get her to actually listen Good Luck. She sounds like the Mum/Grandma from hell..

  • Oh my, I’m so sorry this is happening. This is really wrong and not fair at all. I hope you get the answers your after
    Sending love to you

  • She is definitely crossing the line. I’m sorry but if she is causing you anguish and upsetting you then tell her she’s not welcome to visit anymore. Maybe she wants to have some more children. Good luck and believe me when I say Do Not let your children call her mum and you by your first name. Wish you all the best

  • Wow, this is really toxic- if it were me I’d probably avoid seeing her and then when she wonders why tell her when she stops the nonsense and starts acting like an actual grandmother, then and only then will she be allowed to see the kids. You Have a choice in this situation.

  • What is wrong with this woman!? Who wants the grandkids call them mum and call the real mum by her actual name. What is she playing at. There’s definitely something not right with this woman. I would stop her visits until she stops this ridiculous nonsense

  • That is certainly very strange and not normal behaviour! I think you need to lay down the law or she doens’t visit anymore.

  • OMG, this is so not OK. I thought my Mum and Ma-in-law had no boundaries but this is next level. You need to be firm. And if this means her not seeing them for awhile, so be it. It is not okay. She’s had her time as a Mum (and will always be your Mum), but what she’s doing is a little unhinged really.

  • Wow, I though my mother was bad. I would tell her that if she doesn’t stop doing it immediately she can stop visiting. You are their mum, she is their grandmother. She needs to get a grip. She is definitely wrong and you are 100% right.

  • Weird. You are their mum and also its confusing for the kids

  • Wow is this even a real thing? Your Mum sounds like she needs some Mental health help because thats just bizarr.
    If she continues then you have every right to stop contact until she changes her ways.

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