30 Answers

I understand that when looking at the bigger picture what I am about to complain about isn’t actually a big deal- but it’s still really impacting me!

I’ve recently had a baby, which means extra random visits from my mother- who usually only pops by occasionally.

It’s killing me because every time she sees my little ones she insists that they call her “mummy” and she wants them to call me by my first name.

My eldest has severe autism and doesn’t understand what’s going on- to the point where she was able to convince him that she is his real mother. Just typing that makes me want to vomit!

I’ve got an eight year old who is wonderful and questions my mother rather than blindly following her orders- my mother dislikes that child immensely.

Every time I tell my mother how this behaviour makes me feel, that it needs to STOP and how confusing it is for my children, she insists that I am only feeling this way because I have postnatal depression- even though I don’t actually have PND.

I just want to know what’s going on. Am I too sensitive? Has anyone else experienced this sort of nonsense?

It’s not as though I referred to my maternal grandmother as “mummy” or anything close to it! I called her “Nan”.

How can I get myself and especially my children out of this absolutely ridiculous situation?

I mean if all parties felt comfortable with the name a child calls their grandparent that’s fine, but I am not comfortable at all and I feel she is completely crossing the line!!

Posted by someonesmother, 26th October 2020

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  • Oh my, I’m so sorry this is happening. This is really wrong and not fair at all. I hope you get the answers your after
    Sending love to you

  • She is definitely crossing the line. I’m sorry but if she is causing you anguish and upsetting you then tell her she’s not welcome to visit anymore. Maybe she wants to have some more children. Good luck and believe me when I say Do Not let your children call her mum and you by your first name. Wish you all the best

  • Wow, this is really toxic- if it were me I’d probably avoid seeing her and then when she wonders why tell her when she stops the nonsense and starts acting like an actual grandmother, then and only then will she be allowed to see the kids. You Have a choice in this situation.

  • What is wrong with this woman!? Who wants the grandkids call them mum and call the real mum by her actual name. What is she playing at. There’s definitely something not right with this woman. I would stop her visits until she stops this ridiculous nonsense

  • That is certainly very strange and not normal behaviour! I think you need to lay down the law or she doens’t visit anymore.

  • OMG, this is so not OK. I thought my Mum and Ma-in-law had no boundaries but this is next level. You need to be firm. And if this means her not seeing them for awhile, so be it. It is not okay. She’s had her time as a Mum (and will always be your Mum), but what she’s doing is a little unhinged really.

  • Wow, I though my mother was bad. I would tell her that if she doesn’t stop doing it immediately she can stop visiting. You are their mum, she is their grandmother. She needs to get a grip. She is definitely wrong and you are 100% right.

  • Weird. You are their mum and also its confusing for the kids

  • Wow is this even a real thing? Your Mum sounds like she needs some Mental health help because thats just bizarr.
    If she continues then you have every right to stop contact until she changes her ways.

  • You are in the right her wanting to be called this. My mother did call her Mother’s stepmother ” Mummy Smith” but that was mainly because she was about 16 years older then mum’s mother. My grandmother’s mother died when she was seven and her father remarried a few years later and her full siblings called her that.
    Not because she wanted it done but was easier for her step children. Your mother needs a talk and yes I think you need back up from other family. It is up to you what you want to be called by your children not anyone else.

  • Firstly you are not being too sensitive. Your mother is crossing all the lines and boundaries which tells me it is her and not you who has the problem. I had a mother in law who thought she could take her son and my children from me when I started to ask her questions whenever she would lie about something. She had major boundary issues too. I think you need to correct her everytime she says she is their mummy and tell her that if it doesn’t stop she will not be welcome anymore as her behaviour is unacceptable and inappropriate. I had to go no contact with my mother in law. Its been 2 yrs and my family is better for it. My mother in law also tried to say i had PND too, I did not. Sending strength and courage your way mama stay strong!

  • She has issues! Tell her to stop or cut her out of your life this is so messed up! You can’t let her treat you and your kids this way!

  • If this isn’t a troll post, then WHAT IN THE HOOHA DOES SHE THINK SHE IS? I would be really concerned and you can either correct her whenever she refers to herself as “mummy” or to no contact until she learns that it is not ok. That is like so weird for her to do that and maybe showing her comments of strangers reactions might open her eyes to how wrong it is,

  • Wow. You’re not too sensitive – what she’s doing is inappropriate and creepy to put it mildly. Sounds like you need to set a firm boundary for this to stop – tell her if she does this her visit to see the kids will end right then and there – I’d adopt a three strikes and you’re not allowed over rule but that may not be what you wish to do here. Tell her to decide what she wants her grandchildren to call her from a list of suggestions from your kids and make it clear that you are the mother of your kids and the only one they will call by that name. Its incredibly worrying and damaging that she’s telling you that you have PND instead of acknowledging what she’s doing and how it’s making you feel – thats a red flag that you need to protect yourself here.

  • You are no over reacting, your mother has some serious psychological issues that she needs to deal with. You first priority is you and your children, you may need to ask her to stay away under she deals with her issues. I have a feeling that perhaps this is not an isolated issue though, she may do and say other things that maybe you think are the norm but actually aren’t? I’m so sorry you have to go through this at such a stressful time :( .

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