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Mum shares how much she dislikes her child’s friends and asks the internet if she can have an input around who her child plays with.

The mum shared, “Do I have a say in choosing my child’s friends? My 5 year old son is ‘besties’ with a child who I can’t stand.

She adds, “He’s deceitful, dobs on my son all the time and is really manipulative.

“My son is sociable but isn’t that good at putting himself out there so when his friend makes an effort to play with him, he really likes it.

“I have chatted to the teacher but all she can suggest is making playdates with other kids to encourage him to play with others. Can I tell my son NOT to play with this kid? ”

Mums share their advice

This is a BIG issue in our house lately. We try to guide our son to play with other people, but he always gravitates back to the same children. It is such a tricky situation.

The response from mums around the subject was quite divided with some saying you definitely can tell your child who they can and can’t play with. While others argued that you really need to let them sort it out for themselves.

– “Yes, it’s our job as parents to do the best for our children & at that age they really can’t be expected to make the best decisions…”

– “You would be better to teach your son to be more assertive and deal with actual situations and show more tolerance. You really dont know what is going on with the other child or see exactly what happens. If your son likes this kid teach him how to handle him and put your bias aside.”

– “Absolutely! I’ve done it. My boys are now very good at picking their friends. Gotta point out what a snake looks like whether is slithers or walks on 2 legs.”

– “It will only make him want to do it more in my experience. Let him be..unless the other child gets nasty with him and then intervene. Nothing you can do about it at school probably but I would not be letting the child come to my home though.”

– “You can do what you like, but telling him directly who he can and can’t play with might be confusing without explaining why, and realistically I’m not sure it’s appropriate to tell your son you don’t like a 5 year old. ”

– “It depends. Is the other child really as bad as you say, or are you just seeing them this way? Either way, you need to let your son live and learn. How will he ever know the difference between a deserving friend and one not worth his time if you keep deciding for him?”

Have you had any issues with your kids friendships?

Join our Facebook discussion below:

  • I would guide him and put him in situations to make other friends but not tell him he can’t play with the other kid.

    Reply

  • I’ve gravitated towards manipulative people my whole life because that was the environment I was raised in. I thought it was normal. I’d listen to the teacher’s advice and have a look at how everyone is treating each other at home to see what examples he has.

    Reply

  • He is only 5! There are so many things going on at that age and I bet in a few weeks he will have a new friend. You can also have a talk to your little one and explain that what this child does isnt nice, and explain that his behavior isnt something that people like, and maybe he will start to separate from him by himself a little?

    Reply

  • Very difficult indeed. But he’s just 5. Kids change very quickly at that age. Maybe next year he will have moved to different friends.
    The idea of arranging playdates with different kids looks great. Not telling him directly that he can’t play with that boy, but offering him choice.

    Reply

  • Children can be directed with good communication and conversation.

    Reply

  • I haven’t been in this situation. It probably depends on the age?
    When they are young they don’t really know what’s best for themselves and so as parents we have the responsibility to guide our kids on the right direction. Since the boy. I don’t know if dobbing on him is a good reason to not be friends. Pretty sure my siblings, cousins, friends dobbed on each other when we were young! That’s a kid thing. Being deceitful and manipulative on the other hand is not so great! I would probably talk to my child about reasons why they aren’t a great friend to have. And maybe if you really can’t seperate them, try talking to the other boy and having a positive influence in their life? And I’d say telling a child that they couldn’t be friends with all these people they didn’t like without a reason could result in them resenting you over time!

    Reply

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