I love how casual the approach can be these days. Normal for the woman not to change her name then to hyphenate the two for kids. If it’s as bad as she says, maybe her decision is for the best

When I was a kid the woman next door divorced her husband and she then changed the spelling of her and her childrens last name as she said “If im no longer married to him im not keeping this name” He last name was Cockburn but pronounced Coburn…..which is what she changed their names to.

There’s no law that the kid has to have the dad’s surname. If it’s really awful, she should ask if he was teased at school and would he want his kid to be teased too.

I’m assuming that they are not married so why should the child have to use his surname? Kids are being bullied over stupid things these days so he should think about the child and not himself. Life is tough enough these days. I think the partner should just be happy he will be a father period.

I can now only imagine what his surname might be and guessing it may be associated with something rude. A double-barrel name is certainly an option. Or, in this day and age, why does it still need to be the man’s surname? It’s obviously between these two to decide… here’s hoping it’s not a deal breaker.

I always thought it was strange that we accept the tradition of taking the fathers surname, I think it is a choice we should make what is best for the child’s future and that seems to be what the mother is thinking of.

It’s hard to comment without knowing what the surname is. Maybe it isn’t as bad as she thinks.

This is just stupid and insulting to her partner. Isn’t she being just as bad as anyone who has laughed?

I’d love to know what the surname is so I can make an informed comment.

I think it depends on the situation here. My mum gave me her surname as she and my father weren’t married and had an on and off type relationship. If they got msrried, would she take the surname? If the answer is yes, give the kid the same name and if not, then don’t. But also, if tables were turned, how would she feel?

Depends on the name in know a family changed their name from Hoare to Horton to avoid the child being bullied and my friends changed the spelling of their last name to avoid the name being said as spelled as it is a foreign name. You must work something out it’s definitely not a given the father gets the name.

Tough one. Most cultures the baby takes it’s father’s name. I am inclined to agree with most comments on the two surnames being used. But really without knowing the “offensive” surname its really quite hard to say. I was teased with both my first and last name (neither are funny, they just get changed into offensive words), but I’ve survived.

hyphenate the surname, why is yours so much better than his? If kids want to bully someone they will find a way whether it name or hair colour or shoe size. I don’t think ou realise how insulting you are being to your partner by saying this about his name

Ouch, that’s a hard one but in the end doesn’t both parents have the right to have their surname on the baby’s birth certificate. She may end up single for her decision

it is something that needs to be decided by them. The childs best interest should be the most important thing.

If it’s really that bad then I think maybe some sort of negotiation is needed between the two! I know of a man in his 30’s who decided to change his surname and also his wife and kids too because it wasnt a very nice name. If that made them all happier then good on them!

My daughter has double surnames: my husband’s and mine. Solved. 🙂

I think if they are putting the child’s interest first what does it matter! People get so defensive about this but just goes to show we haven’t really come as far as we think we have

I think there needs to be some sort of negotiation here.

Isn’t it a bit old fashioned to assume babies have to have dad’s surname? I don’t think it’s so much an automatic things these days. Mum has as much right, and even more if she’s genuinely worried about the child being teased throughout life. Dad needs to drop his ego I think

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  • • musicmum replied
    • 09 Jul 2019 , 10:23 pm

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  I so agree, my son has my surname and my dad was so happy that he was going to carry our family name. It just would have been way too weird to take on his fathers name when he has never even met him and was never there.