Gender Reveal Hides Mum's Crushing Disappointment

A mum has shared an emotional confession about her hidden gender disappointment, after finding out she was having another boy in front of family and friends.

Nicole Shamlin shared the video of her gender reveal, where she and her partner pop open colour cannons to reveal they’re having a little boy. The couple already has one son.

While in the video Nicole looks thrilled and throws her arms into the air before hugging her partner, inwardly she was crushed. The video then cuts to Nicole crying in bed, with the caption, ‘Me later that night grieving the fact that I’m not getting my baby girl just yet. How can I love another boy? Will he be replacing my first son? How can I love two sons?’

@nicoleshamlin #greenscreenvideo Gender disappointment is real. I only felt that way for a day. Now we are beyond excited and thankful.????????????VIDEO IDEA FROM @patricialeeann09 #genderdissapointment #boymom #genderreveal ♬ that way slowed – vibe sounds

The video attracted a huge amount of comments, some supportive of Nicole’s feelings and others appalled.

“This is sad,” wrote one mum. “I went through years of IVF. I was just thankful to have one live child. Healthy is what you should care about not the sex.”

“I’m sure there are plenty of mamas who would take that boy off your hands!! Also therapy works wonders,” added Chasity Moore.

‘Let’s talk about gender disappointment’

Despite the negative comments, hundreds of mums came to Nicole’s defence, and spoke of their own battle with gender disappointment.

It prompted the expecting mum to post a follow up video, explaining her feelings.

“Let’s talk about gender disappointment. Your feelings are valid. And just because you have gender disappointment, doesn’t mean you’re gonna love that child any less. When finding out that gender you may have that expectation of getting that girl or getting your boy.

“And when you don’t get that, it’s ok to grieve that loss. It’s ok to grieve that future that you’re not gonna get quite yet. It’s ok to feel the way you do. If you’ve never been through gender disappointment it may not be something you’re able to understand.

“But for us who have, know you’re not alone. It is normal, your feelings are valid and it only lasts a short period of time. I know it’s hard but it will get better.”

Did you have gender disappointment? How did you deal with it? Let us know in the comments below.

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57 Comments

- - meedee said
  - 16 Sep 2024
    8:45 am
I have never been to a gender revel…….do people buy gifts? or does everyone just come along to find out the gender and have a bite to eat and drink?

- - Mumof4 said
  - 23 May 2024
    6:31 pm
Stop having gender reveals if you know there is a possibility you will get disappointed!

- - mom57569 said
  - 28 May 2023
    8:52 pm
I had a friend and she wanted a girl and wanted her to be born on 30th April. 30th April came and went and no baby. Come 1st April and she went into labour and delivered a beautiful baby boy. Well for the first 3 months she literally didn’t want anything to do with him. She did eventually learn to love him but it was heartbreaking to see the hurt and pain she went through. No one can say anything to help this poor lady get through this disappointed.

- - mom491863 said
  - 20 Dec 2022
    6:49 pm
I am a mum of 9 I had girl,girl,boy, and the other 6 are all girls. I didn’t love 1 daughter more than the other daughters and my first being a girl the other girls didn’t replace my older sit just made life easier in a way you know hand me downs etc. I love all my children equally would do anything for any of them if I was able they all came from me and I love everyone of them as much as the other

- - ashna9 said
  - 01 Sep 2022
    8:38 pm
A healthy child is what everyone wants overall but she’s allowed to feel disappointment. It’s human. Have some empathy.

- - mom461384 said
  - 11 Aug 2022
    3:34 pm
I was happy as long as they were healthy. I wanted a girl first and got a boy but definitely wasn’t disappointed

- - Zmijka86 said
  - 25 Jul 2022
    8:40 pm
I had mixed feelings but now I have the best son in the world.

- - Lividanke said
  - 18 Jul 2022
    12:59 pm
I have mixed feelings about this story. While I agree that gender disappointment is definitely a real thing (probably not something people talk about a lot) but if you’re really wanting one particular gender, why have a gender reveal party, where people are watching your reaction so you have to put on a face, but then post it online? This part doesn’t make sense to me.
I think if you’re really hoping for a specific gender, if you must do a reveal, just do it privately instead of putting it all over the internet.
We never did a gender reveal with any of our kids and waited for them to be born before finding out their gender. No disappointment with a healthy baby in my arms.

- - romvar said
  - 03 Jul 2022
    4:44 pm
I did not have gender disappointment because I did not have a gender reveal party! I did not want to know the sex of my baby. I really can’t understand why these parties are so popular.

- - mom487643 said
  - 28 Jun 2022
    1:46 pm
I’m feeling conflicted about this one. I can see both sides. I do think those feelings of disappointment are 100% valid and okay. On the other hand we have been trying for a baby for almost three years and I have never been pregnant so I would just be grateful for a healthy baby and pregnancy.

- - mom485263 said
  - 27 Jun 2022
    9:38 pm
I am not sure gender reveal parties are necessarily helpful. Disappointment is a real thing and admitting that is a positive step but she should be thankful that she is growing a healthy baby regardless of the sex.

- - Jessica said
  - 27 Jun 2022
    8:52 pm
I could never be disappointed with the sex of my child. Who knows they may change their gender later in life

- - rovermum said
  - 27 Jun 2022
    5:11 pm
No, I didn’t. After 4 years of trying to have a baby via IVF I was just thankful to carry and deliver a healthy baby.

- - ~Loui~ said
  - 26 Jun 2022
    9:55 pm
I had two beautiful girls and no gender disappointment. It’s not something I actually gave much thought too. With two very different but equally traumatic pregnancies I was so thankful to have healthy babies,

- - Shazza said
  - 26 Jun 2022
    4:31 pm
Selfish really.. I also don’t agree with gender reveals.. just my opinion though.

- - natct said
  - 26 Jun 2022
    9:29 am
That’s sad. I’m glad it lasted only one day for her.

- - mom101628 said
  - 26 Jun 2022
    1:19 am
It is a natural feeling that one gets over in the fullness of time and you will still love the baby unconditionally. I was in hospital once with a lady who was giving birth to her 6th daughter and so desperately wanted a son for her husband. They called their little girl Peta as she was sure she wouldn’t be having any more.
- Ellen replied
  
  26 Jun 2022 , 7:38 am
  Yes, my mum had 5 daughters and desperately would have loved a son for my dad too. However my dad was so happy and proud with his 5 daughters
- - tessie said
  - 25 Jun 2022
    3:38 pm
It is a bit of a disappointment at first but then when you actually see that first movement and hear that your baby is healthy, that disappointment goes back to where it belongs. I’m sure a father is the same when wishing for a boy and finds out they’re having a girl instead. It never means you’ll love your new baby any less. I’m not trying to make it sound trivial but the only way to explain how I felt is to compare it to a game you’re going to watch. You want your team to win but they lose. It’s till your team and the passion is still there.

- - mom486400 said
  - 25 Jun 2022
    2:36 pm
I was disappointed that I was having another boys but that disappointment quickly went away after 2 minutes as I was very happy my baby was healthy and progressing well. But I do agree your not going to love the baby any less.

- - mom488527 said
  - 25 Jun 2022
    1:44 pm
While i can appreciate this mother sharing her feelings, i think a kind reminder that she should be grateful for the gift of being pregnant again. After my 1st son we lost 3 babies to miscarriage, some of us don’t get a second chance at creating life again or giving our 1st child a sibling.
Is gender really that big of an issue if you get to have a healthy baby?