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A pregnant mum-of-three has revealed her ‘heartbreaking’ gender disappointment after finding out she’s pregnant with her fourth boy.

Erica Jane shared her raw feelings on TikTok, saying she’s mourning all of the things she’ll never get to experience without a daughter.

“A lot of people just don’t really understand gender disappointment,” she explained. “It’s like thinking into the future, I’m always going to be the mother-in-law. I don’t get to go dress shopping. I don’t get to witness my own child have a baby of their own, that comes out of them being a woman.

“Going through pregnancy, like I would want to be there for somebody. And sure I could have a great daughter-in-law but I don’t know. It’s just, really heartbreaking.”

Her video attracted almost two thousand comments, some supportive and others scathing in their judgement of the 23-year-old mum, who is 10-weeks-pregnant with her fourth boy.

@mamaswinehart All the experiences I will miss out on ???? #genderdisappointment #genderrevealworld #boymomlifebelike #boymomforever #HaloSilverTeam #OscarsAtHome ♬ original sound – Erica Jane????

“As a mum of all boys, I don’t get it,” wrote one mum. “I don’t. We can be the MILs that everyone wishes they had. I LOVE my MIL.”

“Your feelings are valid, but also these sorts of expectations should not be placed on any child. Many don’t want to get married or have kids,” wrote another.

“The best way I can describe the feeling is I was not disappointed I was having a boy. I was grieving the little girl that I’ll never have,” wrote a supportive mum.

‘It’s ok to have gender disappointment’

Erica addressed the comments in a follow-up video, saying she’s receive lots of support from other mums who feel the same way, but are too frightened to speak up.

“I feel like this isn’t talked about enough, because so many people get judged. You can clearly see in a lot of my comments that people are still judging me, saying really mean things. But there’s so many people on here that are saying thank you for speaking out.”

She also said she feels her upbringing may have influenced how she’s feeling about never having a daughter, as well as acknowledging her boys will walk their own paths.

“As a little girl I didn’t have the relationship I wanted with my mum or with my grandmother who adopted me and raised me so I feel like maybe that might be why I’m wanting a daughter so bad. But also I get that even if I had a daughter, she could not want dresses, she could not want girly things, which is fine.

“My boys may grow up and be transgender which is fine. I’m not expecting any of my kids to give me grandkids. I just think a lot of people took my video the wrong way. I just wanted to show my emotions and let everybody know that it’s ok to have gender disappointment. It’s ok.”

 Did you have gender disappointment when you were pregnant? How did you overcome it?

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  • I was disappointed at the beginning of my pregnancy but the time my son was born i changed my mind and started accepting that we can’t really change that.

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  • I think the people commenting “as long as they’re healthy” etc obviously haven’t experienced the disappointment! It’s not that you don’t love your baby any more or less it’s just a feeling and after they’re born you don’t care at all anymore. I know the feeling very we but I absolutely love and adore them

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  • I can understand that she’d be disappointed, but really, count your blessings. They are all blessings no matter the gender.

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  • As long as they are happy and healthy thats all the matters

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  • It’s understandable. I have 3 sons myself..if I go for a 4th I’m presuming it would be a boy to avoid disappointment. All babies rock!

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  • It’s a baby, gender doesn’t matter. Some people can’t even have one

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  • I have a 6yr old boy and am pregnant with another boy I was absolutely devastated when I found out I was having another boy as this is my last one due to complications I really wanted a girl I had a name picked out n everything but I realised that if it’s meant to be then it will be I wouldn’t change it at all I can’t wait to meet my lil man but I definitely no how u feel it is heartbreaking to have ur heart set on something and to have it shattered but in the end it is wat it is and there’s no point dwelling on something that didn’t go ur way it’s just how it is

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  • For anyone that is gender diverse, articles like this really hurt. You never know if you have a daughter, whether she will identify that way and want girly things, or marriage and children in her future. In the same way, you may find that a son could want to become a dressmaker etc. Putting your expectations and pressures onto kids to just be one of 2 gender ideals, sets both you up for disappointment and the child to feel rejected.

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  • I completely get the gender disappointment. I have two boys and although I love them, I am grieving the loss of a daughter I never had. I grew up with a single mum and a sister, so girls are all I know. My boys love me but I would have loved to have a daughter to share all those milestones with and support and teach and be friends with. I have 4 nieces so that will have to do but I totally get the gender disappointment. Don’t hate on someone because they feel the way they feel.

    Reply

  • Such a difficult topic. I don’t think you should be planning more kids in the only hope of getting the gender you want. Have children because you want a child and your family. It is unfair on the child if you were hoping for anything other.

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  • Do hope your child never runs across this post as he would be hurt. But having girls doesn’t necessarily mean you would have been able to carry out your dreams of dress shopping with them or being there if they had a child. My girls are more tom-boys than their brothers.

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  • I didn’t. Having gone through IVF and tried for 4 years, I just wanted a full-term healthy baby. It’s okay to have gender disappointment but does it need to be shared so publicly. This child will scour the internet one day!

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  • Awww, I completely get it. You just vented your emotions and that’s ok. You can not change or feel how feel want or think. It’s fine to feel what you do and talk about it. That shows how brave you are to put your feelings forward. All the best dear!!

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  • I wasn’t concerned about the gender of my children at all. It wasn’t ever an issue as there are positive points to having either gender.

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  • I’ve been there! I really wanted my second to be a girl but as soon as my boy was born I knew he will be the most amazing son I could ever wish for. I think some get too fixed with the idea of having one specific gender. I get that there are some things she could potentially miss out but she can still be a great mother in law to her sons partners and a great grandma.

    Reply

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