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A confused mum, who unintentionally discovered her young son thinks he’s trans, says she’s not sure how to deal with the situation.

She took to an online forum for advice, saying she doesn’t want any hate, just advice on how to approach the situation. It all unfolded when she stumbled upon her son’s social media account.

“Yesterday I found out that my 10-year-old son has TikTok. I went through all of his videos, lots of homemade stop motion dinosaur videos, him being silly with his boy mates, typical 10-year-old boy videos.”

But the mum says she saw something else that stopped her in her tracks.

“Then I see two videos that say he is trans and he wants to be a girl. I am totally confused and just in shock.”

She says her son has never given any indication that he felt as though he’s trans and is a ‘typical lad’.

“He loves everything that you would expect a young boy to love and always has.”

So she decided to talk to him about what she’d discovered.

“I called him upstairs and said I had seen his TikTok and he burst into tears and ran and locked himself in the bathroom. I just sat and waited in his room till he was ready. I asked him if he knew what videos I had looked at and wanted to talk about and he said yes then hid under the covers.

“I said to we need to talk about it, asked how he felt and why, how long and who knows. He said he has felt like it for a long time, but never said because he doesn’t want to upset me and his dad’s (real dad and step-dad). He said he knew he could talk to me but his dad’s would be angry.”

What the mum also discovered was that she’s one of the last to know that her son feels this way.

“He also said most of his class at school knows as he told a couple of people who then told everyone else. I have never heard of a rumour of this though. He always has girlfriends (even though I think it’s too young)

“I just don’t get it. I don’t know if it’s just because he is online and seen things, he has always been very easily led.

“The only thing typically fem that I have seen is he has asked to have his nails painted and absolutely nothing else.”

She’s now completely lost, and is looking for advice on how to navigate the situation with her son.

“How do I deal with this? Do I leave it alone and see what happens? I truly don’t think he feels this way.
I said to him what he is saying he feels is very extreme, I asked him if he wanted to have his bits off and made into a vagina and want breasts and he said he didn’t want to talk about that now.

“I don’t think he knows fully what it entails. I feel really bad writing that part but it wasn’t said in a horrible way just trying to understand his thought process. Help.”

What advice do you have for this mum? Share it in the comments below. 

  • Another wind up by Anita Butterworth how do we get these stories there is so many things in life to read about and to me this is not one for us here in this forum

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  • My son said something similar. I immediately told him that his dad and I would love him no matter what his sexual or gender identity was, and no matter what his physical appearance was. Then I suggested he not rush to stick a label on himself, because it can take some people a while to truly figure out who they are, and labels can be hard to shift. And then I found a pyschologist for him to talk to about it.

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  • Definite;y get professional help to handle this.

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  • I would see a gp and get referral to a psych. The internet is full of all sorts of people and kids are vulnerable

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  • It is a pity that you found out by snooping, but also good that you know and can talk to your son about this – hopefully he’ll forgive you and trust you fully in the future. I would be talking about this problem to a psychologist first before taking your boy to him so that you can assess whether the psychologist will be helpful – many put further ideas into the child’s head that shouldn’t be there. Others have suggested various organisations you can contact or talk to Michael Carr Greig on one of his radio shows to work out what best to do next. But most of all, redevelop the trust between you and your son so he can tell you anything so you can help him in the interim. Socisl media is a curse, but probably too late now to ban him from TikTok.

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  • What you are doing is the right thing. He doesn’t need to be yelled at or told he’s stupid so my hat’s off to you. You need to make sure he knows that you’ll love him no matter what he decides. Tell him to let you know when he’s ready to talk further and take him to a child psychologist. Don’t say anything to his Dads at this time.

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  • I wouldn’t know what to suggest. I’d be seeking the advice of a psychologist.

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  • I’d do exactly what you are doing, loving your son and keeping the lines of communication open. You need to follow his lead, let him know you’re happy to talk about it,but the rest is for him to figure out. Just keep being there ❤️❤️❤️

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  • Get him off social media :S

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  • The most important thing to always remember is that a child is a unique little person and they need unconditional love and acceptance. Children need to know that they have your love and support no matter what and that as a parent you are their ‘rock’. As a parent provide support and source services that can assist your child and you to navigate through the journey of growing up and parenthood.

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  • Support your child. Let them know they can discuss anything with you at any time and you won’t judge. Since he’s afraid his dad would be mad, I would leave it to him when to talk to him. You are there to listen and offer advice if wanted. It would be a very emotional time for the child, I believe and your response will mean everything to them.


    • Also it’s OK if you struggle with it. Have someone to talk to yourself if necessary. Actually it may be good for each of you to find some counseling to lead you through the process and talk about your feelings. Remember this is about your child. It’s how your child feels deep down inside and you liking/not liking it won’t change a thing.
      Best of luck to you both



      • I agree with everyone that wants to; finding an appropriate person or counsellor for support. It truly can help to have someone outside of a situation to talk to about what is going on and to navigate through; feelings and so many other issues that occur on the journey of life.

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  • What a dilemma. On the one hand he is only 10, too young to be making any big decisions so I’d explain that you understand he is feeling confused but he still has some growing to do, he still needs to be a kid and not worry about sexuality or gender. On the other hand you don’t want him to feel like you’re shutting him down. Tread carefully. And get him off of social media without making it sound like you are punishing him.

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  • I do believe the internet has a lot of content that is not suitable for 10 year olds. I would suggest the boy go and speak to a professional who deals with other people in similar situations and help him work through the questions and answers he may be wanting to know more about. They maybe able to help you get in touch with other support avenues.

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  • What a beautiful daughter to trust you with such a delicate conversation. You can’t even imagine how hard this would be. Firstly, remove your thoughts about genital reassignment!! Many trans folk don’t venture down that path and if she wants too, she will let you know. For now, be open, be led by her, ask her if she is thinking of changing her name, get her into a trusted psychologist to help guide you. There are heaps of parental help groups too. Reach out for support for you too.

    10 is not to young for her to know who she may be….. I really dislike comments about it being “thrust down their throats”. Having met quite a few trans folk, both young and old, they are not following anyone but being true to themselves!

    Reach out to Transcend for more info. <3

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  • This is possibly influenced by what he’s been consuming on tik tok. Not suitable for any 10 year old. However, if her child is confused, a decent counsellor should help (not someone who will immediately push any ‘treatment’ on a vulnerable 10 year old.) . Get him back into his ‘off-line’ to find himself & his interests & talents.


    • I doubt if this is only the influence of TikTok. Do not under estimate the amount of talk there is going around within the schools about what gender you are, what sexuality you identify with etc. A young child’s exploration of different gender identities is quite common. However, for some children this may continue into later childhood and adolescence.

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  • 10 & on TikTok.. far too young to understand anything. Take him off social media until he is mature enough. Sorry but too much emphasis is put on being ’how you feel’ having a ‘label’. Next week it’ll be something else..!

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  • I would say this is something that is put all over tv now and I really doubt a 10yr old knows exactly what it means. Professional’s say that a child only really knows when they’re in puberty. This is shoved down all our throats and I think he’s a little mixed up. Plus, how on earth does a 10yr old get a TikTok account? I’m sure they’re supposed to be much older. All these things are on social media and he’s just parroting what he’s seen I think. But if not, wait until he’s older and see. But get him off social media please. It’s so divisive and destructive!! At 10yrs old he shouldn’t be on any social media platform.

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  • Take your child to a trans friendly psychologist so they can talk about how they are feeling openly and safely, there are a few around that are kid friendly. Maybe talk with your family GP and express to them you don’t know what to do and need some guidance and then they can point you in the right direction on the best way to approach it

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  • Believe your child – 100% believe your child. This is crucial, if you want them to trust you now and in the future.

    If your GP is not sympathetic and willing to understand and help your child, get a new GP.

    If you have a gender clinic attached to a hospital in your capital city, get the GP to refer to them.

    If not, go to websites like Twenty10, Headspace, Transcend and the Gender Centre and find out where else your GP can refer to.

    Diagnosis and help for under-18s is patient, kind and supportive for both the child and family. There is a rigorous process to make sure that the best interests of the child is at heart.

    Understand that your support and love is crucial, no matter what you think your child is or is not. Trust your child to know themselves.

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  • Personally I think everyone goes through a period where they question who they are and that’s normal. Keep guiding them in the right path and they’ll realise that it’s a phase. Not all of these meant that they’re trans.

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