Would you tell your friends you don’t think they’ll cope with a baby, after they’ve just announced they’re expecting? This friend did exactly that, and she doesn’t think she did anything wrong.
The 26-year-old says her best friend, who is also 26, just announced she and her husband, 29, are expecting a baby.
“I feel like an ass since I didn’t react with joy like everyone else but I honestly can’t support their decision,” the friend explained.
“They’ve only been married for a couple of years so there was plenty of time for them to settle down and have kids, in my opinion, but my friend has always had ‘baby fever’. I’m mainly concerned about their ability to be parents.
“They both work full-time and when they get home they complain they are ‘too tired’ to take care of stuff around the house: cooking, cleaning, etc. They eat out every night because my friend doesn’t know how to cook and her husband just doesn’t want to. Their house is always messy between dishes, laundry, and general filth.
“They also have poor money management skills, always shopping for stuff they just see and want but don’t need rather than buying stuff like groceries to cook actual meals. They’ve struggled to pay rent a few times because of this. In addition, their house is incredibly small, overflowing with stuff and not a safe environment for a baby. (It’s very old and has a lot issues.) Realistically, how do you expect to take care of a baby with habits like that and in a space that isn’t suited for them?”
So, the friend decided she should relay her concerns to her bestie, and initially she took the advice with a grain of salt.
“When I expressed these concerns to my friends, they essentially told me I shouldn’t worry about it because “nobody is ever prepared to have a baby” and that I should just be happy for them. I get that you’re never really prepared but you can have a game plan, right? Start saving and making sure you have the stuff and space required? How nonchalant they were about my concerns made me even more anxious; you’d think I was having the baby.
“Yesterday the topic came up again and my friend asked me if I had changed my mind about it and when I told her no, she was grated. I also learned they are now trying to rush a move to get to a bigger and better house even though she’s halfway through her second trimester.
“She starting getting defensive, saying that just because I don’t really want kids of my own that I was trying to “bring her down,” and that I should just support her pregnancy rather than being concerned about “future problems.”
“I told her that she and her husband were too caught in elation to see the reality that being a parent isn’t just about cute baby clothes and being a friend to your child. I did get snippy, which I shouldn’t have done, but it felt like she was just brushing away what I consider valid concerns. I did eventually apologise, saying, “I’m sorry you feel that way but I don’t think I’m unjustified here,” which didn’t go well because it wasn’t a “real” apology. Not one she wanted to hear, at least. I just can’t bring myself to believe they are responsible or mature enough to have a baby and that makes me feel like a bad friend.
“So, am I the a**hole for telling them they’re not ready to have a baby and should have waited until they got their lives together?”
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Ellen replied
- 28 Jul 2023 , 3:51 am
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mom93821 replied
- 28 Jul 2023 , 4:57 am
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