We are all wiser in hind sight.
Your partner needs to go to court so that an access agreement is in writing. There is no reason for her to block access and as the childs father he needs to show his son that he was willing to put effort in to make sure he keep him in his life. Sadly she needs to grow up and stop using the child as a weapon

I think all was going well until she said that the mum needs to update her parenting skills etc. That was probably the biggest issue.

I think she should have let her boyfriend handle his ex as he is the one who will miss seeing his son if his ex stops allowing the child to visit. The courts may force the issue, but it will still be hard all round.
I think your way of handling the situation with the youngster is admirable but can see how it could have caused ructions at his mother’s house. Take a few steps back, and see how things finally work out.

It’s great that you want to spend time with your partners kid and build that relationship. It would be a very hard situation to be in. I don’t have any suggestions for you as I haven’t been in a situation like this myself. Good luck.

It sounds like you have a great relationship with the little boy. Unfortunately, you didn’t deal with the mum optimally. Still, she’s most in the wrong here.

I think it’s fantastic that you are spending time with your boyfriends son and he obviously loves it as well. However you probably shouldn’t have said anything about his mothers parenting style. She sounds like she is feeling very insecure and might feel that your are trying to take her place. Having said that she has absolutely no right to try and withhold visitation rights for your boyfriend. He may need to get some legal advice.

There is nothing wrong with what she’s doing, or with the child being exposed to different parenting practices. However, she shouldn’t have directly criticised the mum and NO WAY should the mum be with-holding access for this reason. I’d be apologising but making it clear that lawyers will get involved if she tries to with-hold access.

Uh-oh. This needs a more combined effort if this woman is going to stay in the picture. I thought her practices were fine until I read she suggested the Mum update her parenting practices. That’s not okay, the reaction to ban the father seeing his son is over-the-top. They clearly need to come together to work through this in a way that is best for the child.

This is a difficult situation you’ve been put in. If you don’t want to cause an issue between your partner and his ex, you may have to stay away during the times he has his son. I know what you were doing is a better way to raise children but, by the sounds of things, she is probably feeling insecure and worried her son will grow to hate her. She may also be embarrassed about the way she treats her son. I wish you all the best and hope she comes around soon

I’d be concerned how the mum is actually parenting.

Ahhh I don’t even know what to say! I’d be so happy that my son was being treated so well and not being hit/smacked or abused by the new girlfriend. What a beautiful way to deal with difficult behaviour.

I also understand that the mum may feel upset that her son prefers the way the new girlfriend deals with behaviour. I imagine it’s also hard for her to accept her ex has a new partner so may be more underlying issues here.

Oh no, between a rock and hard place, trying to do things your way whilst trying to not step on mums toes. Keep doing you, sounds like a brilliant parenting plan

i do feel for both of them. The girlfriend is trying to do her best with the boy while he’s in their company and in my view using good strategies to get him behave. I don’t think she meant any harm but of course the mother might and will see it differently because this new women in her sons life only sees him on weekends the mother has to deal with him most of the time so i can see its harder for her. Also she could be feeling that her son likes daddy’s new girlfriend more than her so she could be feeling hurt.

Put yourself in her position. How would you feel someone putting you down for something your doing.
All parents have their own ways of parenting no one is right or wrong (unless there is abuse) just different.
I had same issue with one of my step sons. We tried to do ‘what happens at your house stays at your house what happens at ours stays at ours’ also for things like other parent badgering child to see what goes on at other house. Sadly, the HCBM chose parental alienation. We haven’t seen for 2 years.
But, a parties need to work through that they will be in child’s life until 18. What effect is this behaviour having on the child. I would get your partner to seek mediation and parenting plans.

I don’t think you should have said anything about her parenting as each person parents differently. The mum reàlly needs to follow the sons lead though if he is more comfortable with that way and is listening. Maybe the mum is more of a dictator parent where kids are not an equal.
Personally I would have said sorry and left it to the bf to work out as neither of you will agree on how to raise a kid.

This is a difficult situation to negotiate

I would imagine she is feeling threatened, if your child is saying they prefer the other parenting method that would be incredibly difficult. Especially as the other hasn’t got them full time or other children and may not understand the stress and demand. Tricky for both parties. I wouldn’t have said to at to the mother.

I really don’t see what the mother’s issue is here. Her child is not being abused. I will admit, I do smack as a last resort and I will raise my voice (it’s a lot easier not to lose patience when you aren’t around a child all the time), but I do often feel bad about raising my voice and wish I could have more patience and have my kids listen to me like that. It is obviously working with this kid, so maybe the mother should try and go a bit easier and not yell…

Oh man, this mom sure has some issues ! Maybe time for some mediation ?

I would say just stay out of it. Gets too complicated