That seems strange that the mum never wants to go out. It seems pretty reasonable to have a coffee out.

I can see both sides but it doesn’t seem like the mum is make any other suggestions other than come over to my place. Maybe she should listen to Mia’s suggestions of having her other half watch Ciara for a bit so they can go out for a coffee child free and then other time they can do drinks etc or coffee in. Best of both worlds? Friendships will change once you have kids though unfortunately.

I can see both sides of this problem and really feel that you have not been very accommodating to your friend who has tried numerous times to go out with you. Friendship is a two-way street and unless you can accommodate her at times, then you will lose that friendship too. Have you ever wondered why all your other friends are no longer around either? The other thing that I would point out is that often friendship is for a lifetime, however your child will one day go their own way and do their own thing and you will be on your own without friends. Think about it – you have a chance perhaps to not lose this friend – the last of the Mohicans!

I can see from both sides. And I think both need to realise they are living different lives now.

I can see this from both sides. While it isn’t always easy when you have a child you need to make an effort with your friendships as well, or, you need to accept that they may change/fall apart. Your friend has been visiting you at your house for 18 months and doesn’t have a child of her own so she probably doesn’t understand why you might not want to go out or leave your child once in a while. I’m guessing she is feeling pretty taken for granted even though you don;t see it that way. While I understand it can be super hard to go out with a young baby or to leave them with someone else for a while, if you value your friendship you may need to do that, otherwise you probably need to accept that the friendship will change, at least for now.

Why not go out for a coffee once a week with or without your child. You deserve time to get out and have a break from the house too. If it’s because you don’t have the spare money or can’t find anyone to babysit for an hour, be honest and tell her that. Since she doesn’t have children (or want to) she won’t understand why you can’t just up and go like she can. Think you both need some time to talk things out rationally or say goodbye to that friendship and just let it go.

I don’t see why you can’t kesve the house even for a coffee

I actually think the friend has a point… and in fact when my kids were little, I welcomed leaving them for half an hour for coffee with a friend. I do think they’re both being unkind to the other.

Why can’t you go out for a coffee with her? Take your daughter along, or like your friend suggested leave her with her dad and go out. I get that it’s easier to stay home but you DO need to get out and spend time with friends. I didn’t want to go out when I had babies and I burnt out! Now I have no issues leaving my four kids with their dad and spending a few hours with my friends. Often one comes around as she is the godmother to one of my children, and realises it IS easier. But you can try and be accommodating also. And I’d rather have a friend who feels uncomfortable drinking around my children than one who will drink in excess. Sounds like both of you feel neglected and both need to make a few changes

Having kids really does change things with friends. I have friends who have older kids or no kids and my once close friendships have changed since having my daughter. It is a shame but you are going in different directions.

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  • • mom93821 replied
    • 16 Dec 2022 , 5:11 am

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  The reality is people do at times go in different directions.

I believe your friend is right – you have not tried to accommodate her requests nor made any effort to go out with her at any time. Your partner could surely look after the baby while you go out with your friend.

I totally understand – friends are for a reason, a season, etc. Children do change things, definitely. She has been accommodating, but you need to be more accommodating too and meet her in the middle. Always at your place, is not necessarily fun for her so you need to mix it up. You might find you enjoy it.

It’s hard when you become a mum your social life really changes. It’s not like you dont want too you, a mum still needs the socialising and friendships but the way you go about it changes.

It takes 2 to tangle. You feel misunderstood by your friend, but did you try understanding her too ? It sure is possible to have your partner looking after the kids every now and then to join a girls night out or alternatively arrange a baby sitter.

A friendship is a two way street. Mia had asked her out heaps of times. It’s all well and good to have her over sometimes, but every time? There’s such a thing as a babysitter. Sometimes she needs to go out and sometimes Mia should come over.

Yeh Nuh your being an a**hole, just because you have a kid doesn’t mean you can’t go and get a coffee with your friend or go have a few drinks, she is right, why can’t your partner watch the kid so you can have some actual quality time with your friend? I have a 3 year old and I still make time for friends. I take him with me to go get coffee, he has a babychino and a biscuits and he’s happy as.

Mia may have been feeling left out too. She may miss your company like old time, even if it’s just sitting in a cafe chatting, but no interruptions. I’d go to a playgroup and make friends in with others in the same situation.

Friendships change at different stages of life and maybe move on.

Whilst you make offers for your friend to come over Some people like to go out to catch up and going to someones else’s home doesn’t give that same effect.
As a mum, you may not notice how much of your time you give to your child/ren when in presece of other people, and unable to give full attention to. Usually constant interruptions to conversation which makes it hard to connect with others.

I used to have an amazing friendship group since highschool and felt so loved, now 3 kids later I have one friend.