Wow! I’m currently extricating myself from my mother and I’m 54. This kind of parenting is cruel, mean, narcissistic and will not do you any good at all. I think you need to have nothing to do with her, which I appreciate very much is easier said than done. Years of therapy is only now helping me understand and giving me the confidence to cut myself off from my Mum for my own mental health and sense of wellbeing. I’m so sorry you have to go through this.

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  • • Ellen replied
    • 01 Sep 2023 , 8:10 am

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  Good on you, that’s a brave step ! Sorry to hear you went through this.

I am stunned after reading this. I can’t believe the mum is doing this. I think that is so rude and would be so disgusted if my mum did this.

While it would be nice to ‘cash in’ on our successful kids, I dont think it’s appropriate nor should it ever be expected. My kids were wanted and loved, I never did anything fir them that I expect to be paid back for

Would like to know how much money this mum gave to assist in later education. Maybe stick to the 3k and walk away. She had you ..it should not be the other way around.

Wow, no words ! What a cold blooded heartless mum. The daughter endured her toxic messages from an early age on and I would say ; time to cut the cords

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  • • Ellen replied
    • 31 Aug 2023 , 7:44 am

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  And no, you certainly don’t owe her anything !

I’m so sorry that your 10yo self had that brutal experience. Please seek help to heal from your negative childhood experiences with your mum or they will continue to impact your actions and decisions subconsciously. You have to go no-contact with your mother if she continues to gaslight you. She sounds like a narcissist. She chose to have you & she’s responsible for raising her children. You shd set aside $ to pay her back asap for what you borrowed for yr adult education but you’re not obliged to pay for what she spent on you as a child.

She sounds awful. Well done on your hard work. You did it, not her. Her body is her issue and you owe her nothing. If you ever do give her anything make sure to tell her it is a definite one off.

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  • • mom93821 replied
    • 01 Sep 2023 , 6:29 am

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  I agree, everybody makes choices and has to live with the outcomes.

Sounds like your mother is a narcissist. Learn the grey rock method very quickly so you can draw some boundaries for your mother and maybe seek some counselling for yourself if you see that your relationship is transactional as this is not healthy if that’s the type of relationship you have settled for with your mother. Once you start implementing the grey method in your life, it’ll become much healthier for you as you start to learn to draw boundaries with narcissistic people. You owe your mother nothing as it’s a parents duty to ensure they invest in their children to ensure they can achieve as best as they can in life. Do not feel guilty one bit for refusing to fund such a thing as a tummy tuck for your mother. She chose to have kids knowing they change your body and life, so she can pay for the tummy tuck herself. All the best on learning to draw boundaries for yourself.

Parents choose to have children and have a responsibility to care for their needs.
Independent and self sufficient children is surely the aim of parents.
The money is not for anything essential and a hard no is quite justified.
I can never imagine treating my children in this manner.

It was her choice to have you. You don’t owe her anything

I don’t really know what to say to this story! ???? The mum sounds nasty, and a child should never have to pay for something like this. She chose to have kids!

Ummm what a wierd demand to make to your kids…

You didn’t make your mum have 7 more kids, she did that to herself. If she didn’t want the stretched tummy and the stretch marks she should not have had any children, It is not your responsibility to help her get back to having a pre-baby body.. For a mum to say to their child that she didn’t want a card from her if it didn’t have money in is wrong. The card should have been so precious to her as it was made with love from the heart. You have holidays as you are working for them. If she wasn’t your mum and a stranger or an acquaintance what would the reply be regarding money for an operation?

Children didn’t ask to be born, OUR CHILDREN DID NOT ASK TO BE BORN! it is not up to our children to pay for make over surgeries!
Honestly with everything else I would be limiting or cutting contact.

Oh love, that’s not a nice mum. Keep your well earned money if she chooses to have elective surgery it’s not up to you to pay for it. I understand if it was for cancer treatment or something serious like that. But not elective surgery.

The mum sounds toxic!
All parents invest in their kids but it’s so they gave a good future, not to get a return!!!!!!!

She sounds really bad, but you also sound like you are crying victim. Perhaps another look at the situation is warranted?

You never should have taken her money.
You should not travel when you have no savings for a rainy day.
But you dont have to oay for her tummy tuck.

Wow 10 grand for a tummy tuck looks like she will be going to India or Thailand or some other 3rd world medical treatment centre . Ask her if she is planing anything else so you can get an all in 1 discount .Tell her her neck is droopy and that she needs a face lift. Then tell here get an all in 1 job done for a cheap price in India.
And make sure you get her a one way ticket

‘Don’t worry I’ll get a return on my investment’ Seriously??