'My Wife Secretly Changed Our Daughter's Name'

A new dad says he’s considering divorcing his wife, after she admitted she’s secretly been calling their daughter by a different name the entire year since she was born.

It all stemmed from an agreement the couple had when they were still trying to get pregnant. The 29-year-old and his 31-year-old wife had a deal that if they had a boy, the wife would get to name him. If it was a girl, the husband would get naming rights.

“I was fine with this deal but we both had a veto in case we didn’t like the name the other had chosen,” the man explained on reddit.

“Once we got pregnant, my wife was completely sure that we’re having a boy because ‘a mother knows’. Her entire family was convinced of it too. During baby shower, everything was blue and all the gifts were demanded to be masculine. Her mother had already started knitting things with the name my wife had chosen

“Once the baby came, we saw it was a girl and I was ecstatic because, although I wanted both a boy and a girl, I always imagined my first born to be a girl. My wife, though seemingly exhausted, was happy too. When I wrote the name in the birth certificate, I let her know I was using the name I had already run past her.”

‘Now I realise why my daughter doesn’t recognise her name’

The new dad assumed all was well, until recently – an entire year after their daughter was born – he made a shocking discovery.

“I come home from work and I find my MIL and wife there talking about my daughter, only they are using another name. When I inquired who they were talking about, they kinda went deer in headlights and blurted that they were talking about daughter. When I asked why they were using another name, my MIL said, ‘Because that’s what we decided to name her’. Then she went on a rant about how it’s unfair that I chose the name and how it’s completely unsuitable for her, etc. I was shocked because this was the first time anyone had claimed any objections to the name.

“So now I realise that the reason my daughter has trouble recognising her name is because we have been using two different names the entire time. My wife later came to me suggesting we officially get her name changed and I stuck to my guns and told her we are not doing that and she needs to stop.

“This led to a fight about how unsupportive I am and stole her right to name the child she gave birth to. I told her that the opportunity to veto any name is long gone and she can’t expect me to support something this stupid. Here’s the worst part. I could be convinced to change the first name but the one she wants is a very odd feminine version of the name she wanted for her son. Imagine using a female version of the name Drake or Thomas. She got angry and left both my daughter and I and went to her parents. Her entire family except my FIL is calling me controlling and how it’s unfair I chose the entire name and made it all about myself.

“Honestly, this is so out of left field and creepy that I’m considering divorce. My parents and friends said they understand why I’m upset but should come to a compromise and change the name to something we both like and that divorce is overkill, but I don’t think so. I feel it in my gut that she may be trying to recreate this son by sacrificing our daughter. If she can use a different name to address her for a year! What else has she been doing to her?”

What a sticky situation! What do you think this dad should do? Let us know in the comments below.

42 Comments

- - meedee said
  - 03 Sep 2024
    11:15 am
I would love an update.

I 100% understand why he would feel he wanted a divorce.
For an entire year his wife has been lying to him and about something that they had discussed and agreed upon. She sounds very selfish and immature.
I would never trust her again so therefore im afraid it would be best to end the future realtionship. i certainly wouldnt be having more children with her.

- - Lividanke said
  - 31 Aug 2024
    5:51 pm
Wow, I’m not sure what to think about this whole situation. The hubby needs to stand his ground, his wife is being completely unreasonable but it sounds like she’s got the family on her side.
I hope for the sake of the child, this situation gets sorted out sooner rather than later because it might be very confusing for the child.

- - Cb727 said
  - 03 Apr 2023
    7:34 pm
OMG this is ridiculous… are these people seriously parents? Anyway…nothing to say

- - gr82do said
  - 06 Mar 2023
    9:47 pm
You’ve got a bigger issue than just a name You’ve got a wife acting like a child to get her way, and an interfering mother in law. It seems you and your wife need to communicate. You and your wife don’t seem to be communicating.

- - mom80165 said
  - 01 Oct 2022
    9:34 pm
I understand why he is upset and the wife should of talked to him before it got this serious and also how her parents are having their two bits worth on it and they need to zip it. I think the husband needs to tell the wife straight up now what he might do over it but it would be ashamed for the child if he did leave and leave the child without a father at home.

- - mum1 said
  - 22 Jul 2022
    9:12 pm
Wow, this is intense. Who in their right mind would do that to their poor child and husband?

- - Zmijka86 said
  - 29 Jun 2022
    12:57 pm
I think it just a little to much.

- - mom461384 said
  - 18 Jun 2022
    7:37 am
Divorce is pretty extreme. But I can also understand his serious concern for what else has been happening while he doesn’t look!

- - KellyB said
  - 13 Jun 2022
    4:13 pm
I think divorce is a bit extreme, but maybe there is more to this story than we have read in the article. Sounds like they need to go to counselling to work through some issues

- - Ordinary mum said
  - 30 May 2022
    2:34 pm
OH MY GOSH. She has been hiding this from him for a whole year. My thoughts….. either he knuckles under and becomes a yes-man or he gets out. My gut feeling……worse is to come.

- - sars_angelchik said
  - 26 May 2022
    1:31 pm
This is very left field and he has every right to be upset. Very upset. The wife needs to stop or this child is going to have some serious issues. She was wrong, she has a daughter and not a son- get over it.

- - tessie said
  - 26 May 2022
    10:09 am
Trust is a big thing in a relationship and his wife has betrayed him. I can’t believe that her Mother has stuck her nose in, this should have been between husband and wife only. They made an agreement between them about the naming of their child and she is breaking this because she wants things her way. What else has she been doing behind his back. They need to get some serious counselling and if she loved her daughter so much, why did she leave and go to her parents but leave her daughter behind?
- mom466087 replied
  
  27 May 2022 , 10:43 am
  Yes counselling here please!
- - rovermum said
  - 26 May 2022
    10:01 am
Wow! What an incredible story. Firstly, it’s between husband and wife and the rest of the family need to back off and let them discuss it. Secondly, to do this is so dishonest and such a breach of trust between this couple. A year is so long to have hidden this and to have other people implicit in the secret, is just terrible. Such a betrayal. This couple need some kind of counselling to work through this. Trust and honesty is everything and she has treated her husband apallingly.
- mom466087 replied
  
  26 May 2022 , 3:33 pm
  couldn’t agree more with you!!
  - Ellen replied
    
    29 May 2022 , 4:19 am
    
    Yes I agree and in my opinion she may have damaged their relationship already so bad that it is beyond repair…
- - mom103778 said
  - 26 May 2022
    9:28 am
I would like to know what name the wife was calling the baby when the husband was present. Why was the second choice not given as a middle name, then there might not have been an issue.

- - mom485263 said
  - 26 May 2022
    7:16 am
Surely there is more to the story. I think a very big open and honest conversation certainly needs to be had at the very least.

- - ~Loui~ said
  - 26 May 2022
    12:23 am
This couple needs some serious help. There has been a breakdown in their trust. Hopefully they can get some appropriate support,

- - mom290359 said
  - 25 May 2022
    8:43 pm
There has to be more to this story but it sounds like theres a lot of work to do to gain bavk any trust in the relationship.

I don’t believe its confused the child though. My son could say his sisters name when she was born and tried just calling her “baby” but it came out as “Bibbi”. She has had both names used since day dot and has never shown signs of being confused.

- - mom486400 said
  - 25 May 2022
    8:36 pm
I think divorce is too extreme it’s important to consider the child put all selfishness aside and prioritise her. It’s a name and you never know in the future she might change the name herself.
- mom466087 replied
  
  25 May 2022 , 9:15 pm
  I agree. Wouldn’t go for divorce in this case
- - BellaB said
  - 25 May 2022
    6:36 pm
Well, that’s certainly very… weird… I don’t know that I’d go straight to divorce, but some very unfair accusations are being tossed at Dad. Definitely worth considering some marriage counselling at the very least.

- - mumof3 said
  - 25 May 2022
    6:27 pm
Wow. I mean for her to hide this from her husband how can he trust that she isn’t hiding anything else? How ridiculous of the the mum and mil to not speak up from the start and to hide something like this.
- Ordinary mum replied
  
  30 May 2022 , 2:40 pm
  Oh I agree. If she can hide this for an ENTIRE YEAR, what else is she capable of hiding. AND if she thought she got away with this will she try to hide and deceive him more. A big betrayal of trust. sorry but its tantamount to cheating. and the one thats going to suffer the most…. the poor child.