Double standards here. Cleaner could have been organised for your wife too.

I actually think its a rather good idea who loves to do housework anyways be honest

I could understand if the children were little but they are at school most of the day so why does she want her husband to do more. I’d agree if she wants to look for a job but, if it’s just so that she can have more free time to socialise, then the jobs should stay as they are. Her husband isn’t giving her less and keeping more for himself but he’s splitting what’s left evenly between them both. Hopefully they get everything sorted to both of their satisfaction.

I hope they get on the same page. Household jobs should be shared amongst the household, regardless of work status because parenting as a stay at home parent is also work. Hiring a cleaner isn’t a bad solution. I do wonder if he is also controlling the money, hence the reaction. Money into the family should be family money if he is controlling the money (and there is a difference between controlling and managing). A mediator or counsellor specialising in financial matters may do them wonders.

Seems like communication could have avoided this – its tough, yes he earns the money, but their married so it’s THEIRS

Always a touchy subject in so many homes. He lives there too, of course he should do chores. I bet even if his wife also worked he’d still do what he does now, not much!

I think she is right he is an arsehole and it looks like she will be having a lot of headaches in the future and his sex life may dry up

This made me laugh. I thought it was a novel way to resolve their differences so there was no need for arguments. A way of thinking outside the box.

It depends on what she wanted him to take on… but it’s not financially abusive. He should have talked about it first, though.

The wife sounds like she’s just being lazy. She’s a stay at home mum. Doing the housework IS her job. The kids are at school full-time and old enough to help with things, so I think she’s being unreasonable asking the husband to do more in the first place and I can understand his response.

Eek that’s tough. Sounds to me they need to be having a good talk about their situation. It’s not fair that mum is trying to unload more work on her husband who sounds like he already does his share. There needs to be compromise on both sides.

I think this is something you need to communicate first. If both of them agree it’s worth-it to hire a cleaner, then there is no problem.

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  • • mom93821 replied
    • 27 Jun 2024 , 5:17 am

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  I agree; they really do need to be united and line up priorities.

Communication appears to be an issue and not being on the ‘same page’. These issues need to be sorted and agreed and fair plans for house, garden and finances put into action.

Financial abuse is a bit of a strong term to use here. Their communication is lacking. She needs to explain her reasoning, he should have discussed the cleaner. It’s a tricky situation.

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  • • Ellen replied
    • 27 Jun 2024 , 7:56 am

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  Absolutely, communication is the key ! It’s important to work together and make decisions together as a couple.

It sounds like he’s already doing chores and working full time. By 10 & 12 kids can do a lot for themselves and if she’s a stay at home mum then she probably should be taking on the majority of household chores. I don’t think he’s been unfair unless there’s more to the story.

I don’t think there is financial abuse here. He has hired a cleaner to help and taken the money out of their budget pre-distribution so they’re both contributing to the cost. I think that’s fair.

It’s not a compromise if they didn’t discuss it first.

I personally think there is alot more to this story. Communication is their downfall.

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  • • Mumof4 replied
    • 26 Jun 2024 , 8:45 am

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  Exactly what I was thinking!

It’s very hard to know how much each does here so impossible to comment. They just need to discuss what is fair first and distribute the jobs between themsleves. Then if they pay someone for extras that comes out of the first pot then split the rest.

To me it doesn’t seem like there is good communication happening between the couple. I would have tried to discuss it more before going and hiring a cleaner. Perhaps there are some factors around why she is wanting some more support with the household chores that we aren’t aware of. I wouldn’t say the husband is financially abusive, I think that was a bit harsh.