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Article ‘My Wonderful Husband Cheated On Me … But His Family Says He Did Nothing Wrong’

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A mum who discovered a suspicious message on her husband’s Instagram account says she’s not sure if her reaction is over-the-top, or justified, and is asking if other women would classify it as cheating.

The woman took to an online forum to share her story, and ask for opinions, after finding out what her husband had been up to.

“Two days ago I was browsing the internet on our laptop and I clicked on a link to Instagram, which was already logged in on my husband’s account. Curiosity got the better of me and I went through his messages (which I have only done one other time during our 10 years together).

“I saw he had sent a direct message to a model who lives in the same city as us, it read ‘Hello love! I would love to meet you’, it also said underneath the message ‘invite sent’, I don’t use social media but I assume it’s an invite to chat. The model never responded.”

The mum says she was in shock, and has never had any reason to worry during their marriage.

“He has always been to most devoted husband and father. We have married acquaintances and family members we know that have cheated on their spouses or that flirt with others and he always berates these people so this has come as a huge shock to me.

“He has always shown himself to be a man of honour and has always given me everything I wanted and needed. Whenever I’m unwell he will always help nurse me back to health. My family always tell me how lucky I am and I believed it.”

Unable to keep what she had found to herself, the woman confronted her husband, and told his family.

“I confronted him and he admitted it, saying it was a moment of weakness and that he would never actually meet her. I also forwarded a screenshot to his family in our group chat.

“They told me that they understood my anger but he has not cheated as he never met this woman and that the conversation never went further. I don’t know if this a cultural thing (they’re Italian) and normal for Italian men to behave like this. They did however tell him off over the phone as to why he even went to message another woman.

“Last night he broke down in tears (which is rare) and profusely apologised after I yelled at him, calling him a hypocrite for criticising others for cheating when he did the same.

“I can see he feels guilty as he’s been going over and beyond helping with looking after the house and children since then. Is my reaction over the top? Would you class this as cheating?”

The responses from other women in the forum were mixed – some saying it wasn’t cheating, others saying the only reason he didn’t cheat is because the model didn’t respond.

What are your thoughts? Let us know in the comments below. 

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Comments

  • Unfortunately it’s not necessarily black and white when it comes to cheating. I like to think if you wouldn’t do it in front of your partner then it’s a fotm of cheating and even though I don’t think it’s technically cheating, it’s a boundary crossed. Where to from here is dependant on the relationship and those involved.

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  • It’s not normal to behave like this and shouldn’t be excused however it’s also not technically cheating in my eyes.

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  • Sounds like it might be time for some counselling. I know I wouldn’t be happy reading that.

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  • I hope you can both work through this. In my opinion this is a form or cheating but, whether he would actually have met her or gone any further if she’d answered him, only he would know.

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  • I think the fact that he thought to do it in the first place has broken your trust. I am sorry you are in this position and hope you are able to move forward. Although i dont know that i could stay now knowing this. Good luck.

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  • I think it was wrong to involve his family. As for whether it’s cheating, in my opinion it technically is. I would not do anything more at this stage but I would have my guard up and be a lot more diligent about his activities. It’s not a good way to be, but I would not know whether anything more would be an over-reaction.

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  • Even if he didn’t actually end up doing anything it does look like he might have been interested in shopping around. What’s to say he won’t try again with someone else?

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  • Unfortunately trust has been broken.

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  • It sucks that he did that to you and it was way out of line, but no that’s not cheating. Why get his family involved? Could the 2 of you not work this out yourselves?

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  • It is cheating in that you have a right to be angry and he needs to change. It isnt cheating in a way that needs divorce.

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  • I don’t like it. The intent was there. I can imagine her shock and horror. It’s a betrayal. She won’t be able to trust him.

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  • I’m sorry but I disagree with most on here about it not being cheating. It’s the thought that was there and how do you know he hasn’t done it before? He’s very remorseful, only because he was caught. I don’t think it’s an Italian thing at all. If they’re inclined to cheat, they’ll cheat. Have you ever heard the saying “thousands protest too much “? It means he’s guilty and protesting his innocence way too much and so he should. He mightn’t have cheated physically but he’s mentally cheated. So you can take what you want out of all these comments but to me, I’d be mad as hell. But also I would never go through my partner’s phone or instagram or whatever. But he definitely cheated!

    • Thoust protest too much.

      • True you can cheat mentally as opposed to physically

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  • It’s a sign he’s wanting to cheat, who sends a message like that anyway. Keep an eye on him.

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  • Sure he is remorseful ..he got caught out.

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  • Ud need to watch him, I think trust is gone if he’s trying to meet up with other women strangers that look good obviously reasons why it’s not to make a new friend. I’d be annoyed that’s single behaviour

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  • I’m with the family. He didn’t cheat on his wife. But it looks like he might, I’d be watching him

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  • It’s not cheating, however it is an attempt at cheating and a complete break in trust. I would have a very hard time trusting him again after this

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  • This would not sit well with me if i saw a message like this on my partners phone. Although he has not officially cheated, who is to say he wouldn’t have taken this further if she hadn’t seen the message? if he was happy he would not be doing this!

    • He’s remorseful because he was caught. How does she know that he hasn’t done this before? It might not be physically cheating but it’s mentally cheating. The thought is there.

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  • While I would be hurt, I think I’d give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he was just curious to see if she’d reply? He’s obviously pretty upset about it. I’d suggest getting some counselling to help you both get passed it.

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  • He sent a message, the model didn’t respond. He is sincerely remorseful and apologyzed, you yell at him in response. I wouldn’t classify this as cheating, but as he said a moment of weakness. Men are truly a bit different wired than women in my opinion. Personally I would never share this with his family with a screenshot in a groups chat. Personally I also wouldn’t snoop around in my husbands messages/emails/social media accounts. I would work on regaining your trust In him and maybe consider some counseling together, you have a lot of good things to fight for

    Reply
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