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Article I am NOT just a Mum

By Jody Danson
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21 Comments

Once upon a time…

A young woman gazed out the window as the sun rose for the 2nd time. The burning sensation enveloped her again as the muscles contracted. Her husband’s hand was crushed for the millionth time. The urge to push was thankfully and finally upon her after 56 hours of arduous labour.

“It’s a girl,” cried the midwife. Love engulfed the hearts of the new parents as they nursed their 6lb daughter, Jody.

That’s me; my birth. When I came into the world I was named Jody, not mum.

I am not just a mum.

I got that name much later in life. A badge I wear proudly and gratefully. I love being a mum but it’s not who I am. It’s a part of who I am. In a different dimension/ parallel universe if I had no children I would still be me. I wouldn’t just cease to exist into oblivion. I do believe in this world my life is far richer from having children but is not all of who I am.

I’m not just a mum.

Not just L’s mum, C’s mum or S’s mum. I am firstly and foremost Jody, a woman and then a wife and a mother. Many of us forget that to our own detriment. My mother is one of those. Sacrificed herself for her children to the point of mental exhaustion in which she has never recovered. More than likely never will.

I see many Mumma’s struggling once children have left home.  They have empty nest syndrome and forget what to do with themselves now that the children have flown the coop. Have they forgotten what else that brings them joy? It took a bit for me to remember what brings me joy, things like learning, music and dancing even if like an untrained seal, are some things that I have reclaimed since putting myself first i.e. reclaiming me.

Do I sound selfish? Cold and heartless? Maybe to some but I believe if I put myself first then I am a far better woman, wife and mother. Why?

BECAUSE I AM FLIPPIN’ HAPPY AND I HAVE JOY!

I tried the self-sacrificing way and I was miserable and thus my kids and husband weren’t all that happy either. I was negative and toxic and thus the family unit began to follow suit. Since I have changed my outlook and way of thinking things have SIGNIFICANTLY changed.

Self-care and self-love are on my top priority these days, particularly scheduling activities that bring me joy, satisfaction and growth to me personally. Activities such as:

  1. Affirmations as a daily ritual morning and night.
  2. Gratitude journal.-Nightly ritual of giving thanks.
  3. Activities that bring me joy such as dancing listening to music etc.
  4. Not listening to negativity such as the news.
  5. Daily vigorous exercise.
  6. Personal development courses from life transformation to personal interests and hobbies.

These 6 things may not seem like much but they have affected me deeply and my family. Mumma if you are stuck in a rut and looking for a way to see the light. Start with the first 3 at least. Your life will change for the better. If you can’t afford courses, (trust me none of mine have been expensive) read books on personal development. Whatever you are drawn too, listen to what your heart and mind are telling you. You will know instinctively what you need. You can download from iTunes or audible or even go to your local library. There are means and ways to get you started on your self- love journey or the reclaiming you journey.

Mumma you’re worth it. Just like I believe I am worth it. Cause we are not just mothers! We are women with personalities (sometimes multiple) with purpose, complexities and layers that can be far beyond motherhood. Embrace yourself cause you are awesome.

Until next time Mumma…

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Comments

  • Pfft – overanalysing much? Sounds like it is your issue…

    Reply

  • It’s really nice to be called by your name sometimes, even though being called mum is heaven to my ears. Yesterday my husband called me by my name and my daughter said to him “that sounds weird when you say her name”. Often it can become uncomfortable to remember to be the person that is more than mum or wife as it can get really comfortable in these positions, so much so that we can loose our core self, which is a rich tapestry of many threads.

    • I Hi. I love your analogy… “rich tapestry of many threads.” That really does hit the nail on the head doesn’t it. Thank you for sharing and have a wonderful week.

    Reply

  • For me being a mum is all I’ve ever wanted, everything I do as a mum is not a sacrifice, it is my passion. I do not neglect myself or my social contacts, but nothing else in life makes me as happy as my role as a mother.

    • Mumma that is brilliant. Your little ones are blessed to have such a passionate Mumma. x

    Reply

  • I am many things and mum is happily one of them. First and foremost I am me and being a mum brings me joy but is not my entire identity.

    • Mom93821couldn’t agree with you more. We are so much more which I believe makes motherhood a richer experience for ourselves and our children.

      • Indeed – it does make it a richer experience. :)

    Reply

  • I agree it’s so easy to forget that you too are a person and have needs even after you become a mum. You feel so guilty for so long putting yourself first. But as baby grows more and more independence it becomes slightly easier.

    • Yes Mother guilt is a strong emotion to contend with. I have suffered many bouts myself and likely to suffer more. x

    Reply

  • I definitely agree with you about the news. Most of it is negative. I put it on near the end to get the weather forecast for the next day. I would rather watch a kid’s show so I know what they’re watching. I can relax my muscles and even read a book if I want to but can hear the TV just in case they put unsuitable ads on. (e.g. quite a few years ago the put on condom ad. on during a kid’s show) and a 4 year old saw it.

    • That would have been an interesting conversation to have with a 4 year old… eeek! Negative suggestion is very strong in our society it surrounds us. Takes some work to overpower it with positive not sure I get it right either.

    Reply

  • I do find it annoying that so many professionals call me “Mum”. I know it’s easier for them, but still….

    • I hear you. I have sometimes made it very clear my name. They don’t have to remember it for long just whilst we have a consultation then forget it. It’s a thing that drives me nuts.

    Reply

  • great article, and thanks for reminding us that we are not just mum! – I’m printing this out and sharing with my family lol! so they remember this too :)

    • Aw thank you. Let me know how the hint goes with the family :)

    Reply

  • Thankyou. Yes self care is so definitely important. I am learning to do that and I am finding that the benefits of it are paying off.

    • Good on you for doing your self care. Great news that you are seeing the benefits already.

    Reply

  • I am a mum and I am me. I am happy

    Reply
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