I prefer to say “good on you”, whether it be a child or adult. What irks me is when people call a group of females “guys”, and a group of grown women “girls” instead of “ladies”.

Each to their own I guess.
We are told dont say this and dont say that. Its impossible to know what each parent thinks is acceptable for their child.
How you treat your child and how you speak to them is under your control but if other people choose to say “good girl”…you really have no control over that…you might not like it but its not like the child will end up in therapy in years to come because the woman down the road told them they were a good girl when they were 5 years old.
Words do matter….but its the negative words that cause much more damage then telling a child they are Good. Heck I say those words to my partner all the time. If we are going away on holiday for instance and I say “Ok…I will pack the cooler” and he says “Oh Ive already done it”…I will say “Oh excellent…you are good arnt you?..you are on the case”

I told my boss good job on friday, no not patronising, sometimes someone needs to be told they are doing well, whether they are using the term boy or girl doesn’t matter to me. I tell my son good boy all the time as well, especially when he has used his manners

Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

I love love love this article!! I find Good girl and good boy to be so icky and manipulative. I would never say good boy or good man to my husband when he came in from mowing the law. It seems so unnatural and disconnected

I’ve noticed it just slips out of my mouth sometimes and it’s taken some intentional training not to automatically say good boy/girl. I like the suggestion of ‘you did it’ that’s a good new catch phrase

• • 
  • • Threelos replied
    • 23 Apr 2016 , 9:42 pm

  ---

  Yes I am the same. My daughter sometimes says “I’m a good girl!” which must mean she hears it from others.

I feel that being a good girl in my era (nanny now) was way of keeping adults happy and felt had to be good to be liked! not true but child view. etter to prise whatachievement is like ‘good drawing orthe subject not the person. Just brought back memories of my childhood (not all pleasant from being ‘a good girl’ can be a hard lable to carry

I say ‘good boy’ to my dog all the time. I can’t think of instances when I’ve used this phrase, but I know I will have. It will have been positive praise obviously, and I have no issue with that.

Ridiculous. Usually the phrase is for encouragement, and not being patronising or empty. You\’re being too precious. If the child is showing trepidation, you might say \”good boy/girl\” to encourage them. You might say it when they\’re looking for affirmation about something they are trying for the first time. It certainly is not black or white in whether it is empty words or not and I can\’t for the life of me think of when it wouldn\’t be self-esteem boosting. Some kids struggle with things like building a tower out of blocks, and it is an achievement for them. \”Good girl/boy\” is acknowledging that achievement.

This is ridiculous!!

• • 
  • • isabeau replied
    • 03 Mar 2016 , 10:46 pm

  ---

  agreed! Bad examples too! You can do a good job at swinging and building… I say good job to adults all the time too!

It always infuriated me when customers would say good girl to me. I would say woof under my breath.
Because I’m not a dog so don’t say good girl to me

I never really thought about it this way but it’s so true.

I partly agree with this article but we can’t weigh our words on the scale all the time, that takes away all spontaneity…

And we wonder why people nowadays are less connected. People can’t say anything anymore without potentially offending someone else. You can ask a small child what they asked for Christmas, you can’t say good job or well done. If you say to a child how nice/cute they look you are in the wrong also! This is part of the reason why there is no longer the strong community there used to be.

• • 
  • • tine78 replied
    • 02 Mar 2016 , 11:16 pm

  ---

  And we wonder why people nowadays are less connected. People can’t say anything anymore without potentially offending someone else. You can’t ask a small child what they asked from Santa for Christmas (because they might not “do” Santa) you can’t say good job or well done. If you say to a child how nice/cute they look you are in the wrong also! This is part of the reason why there is no longer the strong community there used to be.

I say good job, I also say thankyou when my kids do their chores without me having to ask…yeah they should anyway but I noticed. Good job bud, I noticed. I’m paying attention. I completely disagree with this article.

This article is so very true. I have worked with Gen Y and they need praise all the time. At work they do their job and you are suppose to praise them for it. Just preposterous that you have to praise and be very careful with criticism as they are not able to handle it.

Saying “good girl or good boy” and the tone you say it definately boost a childs self esteem, to say it doesn’t is ridiculous!!!

I agree

I say to my son “Good boy Or Good Job” when he does something like throw things away or put his toys away. I don’t think it takes away his joy at all. he seems more happy when i say it to him.

Sorry but that’s just a tad too precious for me. I think you are reading far too much into a simple compliment.