Remember the good old times? The pre baby times...

Ok quick…shh…she’s asleep! Maybe I can tap out a few paragraphs before she wakes up…. I love my darling baby, sweetie, darling, two-year-old but oh my goodness, what the?!

I’m waking up at hours that a few years ago would have been my bedtime! Gone are the days of the night-owl life and all day sleeps, these are the days of late night laundry, early morning children’s tv and hardly any sleep at all. Ugh. I thought working 14-hour days at festivals was a long haul….I can hear your peels of mocking laughter, yes I can…and rockstar tantrums about the wrong vodka look positively beige in comparison to the screaming red-faced scene at the supermarket this afternoon. This parenting caper is a really tough gig.

I have unreservedly apologised to my friends who became mothers before me, for not understanding why they wanted to meet for breakfast. (“Meet at 8am! Are you kidding me?”) Now I understand, now that I’m a mother. By 8am I’ve already been up for hours trying to contain my mood in a fragile, glass jar. I’ve been repeating the same sentence since 5am. I’m starting to twitch. I want to leave this chaotic abode far behind and wish it wasn’t such a mission just to get out the door.

Coffeeeeeee. “Mission control, I need contact. I can see the planet but I don’t seem to be on it. I’m stuck in some kind of iggly-piggly vortex, vacuuming.”

I’m not going to call this post-natal depression, because I had that, and this is not the same. This is most probably aftershock or delirium. I see the beauty in my child, I love her more every day, but I lament the good ol’ times. I miss my guitar, I miss my friends, I miss my spunky size 10 wardrobe, I miss all the things that made me, me. All my juggling balls were thrown into the air and blasted into pieces. Who I was, scattered like ash all over the place and I can’t see anything clearly for the dust. My eyes are sore.

I know I’m not the only one standing here squinting into the past and wishing that this beautiful child were my niece.

I would have been an awesome aunty. She and I and Peter Pan would have had a fantastic time together because back then I didn’t get upset by people drumming at 5am, I didn’t lose my wig over a few squashed sultanas and I quite liked sand. Back then, back then, back then….stop!

Today, I have a child who, in reality, saved me and spared me the indignity of becoming the weird, old lady at parties. I have the opportunity to grow and learn about myself in ways I never could have otherwise.

Today, I can gaze at clouds, dance like a rabbit and laugh at farts.

I am obliged to enjoy the small things. I am able to create a reality that is better, brighter and more beautiful than ever.

Today, I know that somebody loves me.

If I can salvage only one thing from my world before children it will be this philosophy:

Live for today. Make good memories. Be as free as possible.

Must remember…must remember…must remember

113 Comments

- - ChiWren said
  - 17 Dec 2023
    4:38 pm
This made me giggle, I’ve only just started this journey and already look back at those 10am sleep ins with envy. And the wardrobe! Those outfits! I’m hoping once breastfeeding is over these Tig ol bitties can fit back into my dresses. He’s so worth 12, 3 and 5am wake ups but you can’t help but look back when you has less responsibility.
- kanook replied
  
  05 Dec 2024 , 3:23 pm
  Hi, Anna (author) here. I’m so glad it made you smile. It makes me smile to know people were still reading this in 2023! I hope your parenting journey is going well and you’ve been finding your stride, whatever you are wearing ????
- - mom94125 said
  - 09 Jan 2015
    9:36 pm
yeah i don’t remember what life was like before…lol you don’t have that frame of reference until afterwards

- - shortaez said
  - 31 Oct 2014
    11:30 pm
I loved sleeping in on weekends

- - mom56842 said
  - 30 Sep 2014
    8:16 pm
I remember those days, I could read a whole book in one afternoon.

- - eestigirl said
  - 09 Jun 2014
    8:39 am
I enjoyed your writing, do keep it up when darling is asleep. Congratulations! Your writing style highlights a great sense of humour which shines through your description of the realisation that things will never be the same : )
I look forward to more of your writing.

- - mom57522 said
  - 29 May 2014
    1:24 pm
My body clock has my up early, even when I can sleep in.

- - kazh said
  - 22 May 2014
    8:13 pm
Ah yes, I remember sleep

- - mom57522 said
  - 20 May 2014
    8:46 pm
How life changes. Dinner at 7 is now a late one.

- - sarah_wardleworth said
  - 12 May 2014
    12:29 am
Good read thanks for the information

- - kylesnova said
  - 19 Apr 2014
    10:55 am
It is amazing how your priorities, days and enjoyment of things changes, wouldn’t swap it for the world though.

- - jenny9761 said
  - 12 Mar 2014
    7:22 pm
It was a couple years before my daughter slept through the night

- - mel1 said
  - 24 Jan 2014
    5:44 pm
Just wait til they’re teenagers. You don’t sleep then either, waiting to pick them up or come home haha. Good article though, I love honest parents.
- yyon4699 replied
  
  26 Jan 2014 , 11:54 am
  you literally took words out of my mouth…so true!
- - vikram77 said
  - 22 Jan 2014
    2:50 am
Thanks for sharing. Great article. I enjoyed reading it.

- - ljsalomon said
  - 03 Jan 2014
    1:00 pm
Enjoyed reading – thanks for sharing.

- - mle00 said
  - 02 Jan 2014
    11:37 pm
What I want to know is why we were not warned!! How come no mother friends or even my own mother failed to pass on these gems of wisdom?? Make the most if the good times girls!!

- - bankstownbrats said
  - 30 Dec 2013
    6:44 pm
thanks for sharing these great ideas and tips.

- - neenee said
  - 28 Dec 2013
    5:15 am
After 3 kids, 11 years of not sleeping from go to woe. Its a hard transition back to pre babies.

- - sonja_holness said
  - 30 Nov 2013
    6:31 pm
I’m still a night owl and sleep all day, that’s what hubbys are for lol

- - coppin85 said
  - 27 Nov 2013
    3:12 pm
Thank you for sharing 🙂

- - meimei said
  - 25 Nov 2013
    11:54 am
Great article . I enjoyed read it 🙂