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Article Six Things People Only Say To Working Mums

By Meg Garrido
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161 Comments

For more than five years I have been a working mum. For some of the period I worked part-time, for most of it full time.

Originally I worked for a company and now I work for myself. For several years my role included a lot of international business travel.

My roles and hours have varied, but one thing which has remained constant is the comments that people make to me about being a working mum.

Unfortunately they are directed at us as women who choose to work and never levelled at working fathers. There are so many examples that I could give, but I will stick to the six which I hear the most frequently:

1) Why did you have children if you don’t want to look after them?

Without sounding too defensive I often wonder who people assume look after my children.

Who makes multiple night trips to their rooms to give them a cuddle, cover them back up or ease them back to sleep after a bad dream? Who spends each evening doing their homework with them? Who shops and provides for all their needs – clothes, food, toys, books and much more? Who provides a safe and loving environment for them to live and grow in? Who knows their schedule off by heart so they are always in the right place at the right time with the right gear? Well almost always…..

2) Do you ever worry about the damage you are doing to your children by working?

Funnily enough, no. Instead I see that I am providing my children with a positive role model.

I am demonstrating that they have the freedom to make whatever choices they want with regard to their lives as they grow, and that there is no “right way” of doing things.

I am a firm believer in quality over quantity and am happy to be supported by recent research in this area.

3) So, motherhood wasn’t for you then?

I am not sure what these people define as motherhood, but to me it is much more that the amount of time that you spend with your children.

I am a mother and love being a mother. My children are in no doubt as to who their mum is and we have a wonderful relationship and our bonds are as strong as any other family, working parents or not.

Being a good mother is certainly not measured by how many hours you put in.

4) It must be so hard for you to go to work. But you have to do what you have to do.

Some days it is hard for me to go to work, but that is usually after one of the kids has been up all night and I am tired.

In those cases, then it is also hard for their dad to go to work. But normally? No, it is not hard for me to go to work. I enjoy my job, I like working and appreciate that I have a varied life with lots of facets all of which make me happy.

5) Those early years will fly by. It is a shame you have to miss out on them.

I certainly don’t feel like I am missing out on anything. I am enjoying watching my youngest blossom into a lovely little girl and develop her own unique personality.

I spend hours helping my eldest to learn to read and to memorise her sight words and adjust to being a schoolgirl. Every night I cuddle both my children to sleep. Every morning I greet them both with a kiss and breakfast. I help out with literacy group at school. I make craft with them and play with them.

I agree that the years are flying by, but always thought it was because we were having so much fun and not because I was missing out.

6) I bet your kids miss you when you are at work/ away with work.

Yes, they probably do. But they also miss me when I go to another room. They miss me when I am in the shower. They miss me when I go to the supermarket. They also miss their dad when he goes to work and their friends when they go home to bed in the evenings.

If I didn’t do things because I was worried that my kids would miss me then I would be with them non-stop. Every single day.

I have heard all of the above many times over the years and am sad to say that the comments are as likely to come from young people as they are from the older generation and from women as they are from men.

I believe that we all have the power to make our own choices. To decide what is best and what will work well for our individual family units.

There is no one solution which will work across the board and there is certainly no decision which is superior to others.

As mothers, we are after all, simply trying to do the best we can.

Image courtesy of Shutterstock.com

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Comments

  • You go working mums, you are amazing

    Reply

  • Everyone just needs to live life without a care what rude people may decide to comment

    Reply

  • You’re damned if you do, damned if you don’t. Unfortunately the reality is that a lot of mother’s can’t afford not to work with the rising costs of living, the mortgage rate rises and the prices of everything going up. Lets support each other instead of judging!

    Reply

  • Kids are adjustable. I went back to work just before my child turned 1.. that was 13 years ago.. my child doesn’t know a life of her parents not working. We taught her from a young age, there is no such thing as free money. She is aware why we need to be at work. We still balance family time though.

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  • Working mums deserve a medal! I went back 1. Because I didn’t want my registration to laps and all my hard work of study for nothing and 2. Not many can afford to not too these days.

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  • No judgement here if your a parent and you work or don’t work. What you decide is based upon what’s best for you and your own family.

    Reply

  • There always needs to be a work life balance. A mum needs a break too, whether she gets it from working or not working that’s up to her.
    I salute all working mums because it’s not easy

    Reply

  • Unfortunately sometimes, especially at the moment, you may have to go to work but there is nothing wrong with going back to work because you want to.

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  • I have been asked a few times. “It must be hard for you working?” No I go to work because I enjoy work and it gives me a break. I love my kids and have been lucky enough to have the first 2 years with them full time, I work part time and still get plenty of time with each of my 3 kids.

    Reply

  • I returned to work when baby was 6mo but only part-time, I’ve never been told any of these things but mum’s guilt is bad enough. My baby enjoys daycare so much and learns a lot and I interact with adults in proper conversations for my own sanity. Plus I need to provide for our family

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  • Why have kids then send them off at six weeks to be raised by someone else? Enjoy your family.

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  • Preaching! Going back to work was such a struggle for me and I only did it because Im getting married and I wanted to provide for my son and help contribute to our home with my partner. But people were so passive aggressive about it.

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  • It is sad but I think even if people don’t ask you those questions mothers think about it, there is more guilt on themselves than what others think

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  • Im a working mother but never have heard or been told any from the list.

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  • Given that society is geared towards both parents working, there is a much larger stigma attached to being a stay at home Mum.

    Reply

  • Wow I can feel this inside me!
    Every single word you wrote
    Wow, it makes me sad that people have to judgemental
    I also work full time, do I love my child? Of course! Do I regret working full time? Definitely not
    I love doing both. Being a mum will always be the best job but I love having a career also. It is totally ok to do both! Thinking of you mumma

    Reply

  • This one has really hit hold as I have returned to work part time, transitioning to full abs my little one had just started Day care – mum guilt is already hard enough to manage the continual questions and judgment from others makes it harder. I love the responses to the questions above and how you’re highlighting how positive and very much a role model, a mother with a career can be!

    Reply

  • You don’t work people comment on that, you do work people comment on that. Everyone needs to stay in their lane and keep their comments to themselves. You can’t win either way its crazy

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  • You do what you want to do. People always have to say one thing or another. I am a stay at home mum since my first one was born 7 yrs ago and its the most under appreciated job in the world as i hear people say tjat am wasting my life, education and experience and that stayong home witj them os a fool’s decision. So you see? The world si never at peace

    Reply

  • I don’t hear many of these at my workplace, however i do get the guilts when school holidays come around and I can’t have the entire time off with my kids. Yes they get to do fun things with their friends and grandparents, but i feel guilty sometimes and i also want to spend as much time i can with them. They grow up so fast but unfortunately with everything so expensive these days and school camps etc i have to work.

    Reply
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