I have a child with autism, he has no problem talking at school and joining in and doing what he’s told. He acts like a total different person as I always ask each and every time I pick him up.
I decided to get there only and to my surprise I was watching him and he had no idea I was there and he was doing things he wouldn’t do for me and saying sentences such as I need help and the teachers name but at home he just yells out help and screams cad carries on. It gets really frustrating as I know he can do it but never does it for me or he’s father it’s like a act. I take him to all the appointments he needs like speech and ot and early intervention what should I do PLEASE HELP

Posted anonymously, 25th May 2014

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  • My son has autism. He’s in year 1 and while he struggles at school to do things like writing, keeping track on conversations, social skills, his behaviour there is pretty good. He works so hard to hold it together at school and make it through the day, he’s worn out by the time I pick him up. That’s when he lets it all out and the battles begin. Home is a safe place for him where he doesn’t have to keep trying to hard to do his school work and keep a lid on his frustrations and emotions. If I want him to do something, eg shower, homework, etc I give him a timeframe with reminders of how much time is left. He doesn’t cope with sudden change, especially if playing. I also have a strict routine for calming down at night before bedtime. Lastly, I pick my battles, depending on his moods and behaviour plus whether I have the energy to battle. Sometimes a hug and a book works better than doing therapy.

    • Squirtsmum, you sound like a very caring mother. I think some of your advice could be applied to kids in general


  • that is strange, i wonder if the teacher could help


  • I would suggest speaking to your doctor and the teacher, to see if there is anything she thinks she may be doing differently, I sympathise with you as to how frustrating it must be to see him do things for others and not yourself.


  • Google Autism Spectrum Australia. They run excellent courses for professionals and families who need more information about Autism. I went to one of their courses and met other parents and also teachers who were very supportive and helpful. We learnt lots of strategies for managing situations like what you described. Some of the tips were so easy to do and made a big difference to keeping the situation calmer and more in control. I recommend contacting them. If your child’s school is interested in some staff doing the course as well, it helps because everyone will be on the same page and consistency is so important to anyone with autism.


  • I sympathise with your frustrations and dilemma. Maybe speak with a professional, also maybe have your son see you talking regularly to his teacher, and advise him of what the teacher has said he has achieved in class so your son knows that you know what he is capable of doing at school.


  • Perhaps some professional help, with a child pyschologist specialising in autism will help you. Your gp should be able to point you in the right direction. It good to know he can behave at school where he needs to. Good luck.


  • I would just ignore him when he screams and yells, and have the threat that you will tell his teacher how he is acting, I know if I say that to my kids the start behaving and say please dont tell..teacher, also make sure your hubby is with you on tightening the boundaries a bit so your child knows he cant get away with it from either of you (the yelling and screaming)


  • Can you actually go into his classroom and spend sometime with him there? Maybe the he can see you know he can do things


  • at school .day care the boundieriess are set for all children but at home they always know they can push the limits. Have a chat to his teacher and find out what are the limits they have set and see if you can than carry them through at home

    • I think I have to agree with you there. I just went in this morning to find out the latest information on how my son is doing at school at what practices we can use at home to be in line with what his teacher and school are doing, as my son has some difficulties as well.


  • He’s just being a child & testing his boundaries. At school the boundaries are quite defined.


  • Maybe he just knows that he can get away with just yelling and screaming at home, but at school he knows he won’t so maybe when he’s at home and starts yelling because he wants something say to him no you can’t have it until you ask nicely for it, just remember to be constant with it and you and your hubby both have to be doing the same thing with him and not giving in to him when he’s yelling.
    Good luck hope things start to settle down for you.


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