Every mum for themselves. - Real Mum story on MoM

9 Comments

I am seriously over family, I thought I had the most perfect in-laws, until I had my son.. Well pregnant with him.
After that, everything well best way to say, went to shit.

I have to explain a little about myself for anyone to understand the full story.
Here Is a little detail about me, you may hate me from reading this, frankly I don’t care too much.
I got pregnant at 21, my partner is 4 years older. (Engaged)
So I am a smoker (hate that I started, want to quit, trying!), I have mental health problems, well in fact to be completely honest, I have bi-polar, anxiety, paranoia, a few more but doesn’t need to go into full details. I also had a car accident a few years back now, which caused back issues, which we didn’t know how I would be, but we didn’t care. We knew we would love one and do anything possible.
I have loved children and wanted one of my own for years. Thank you to good old medical issues, we didn’t know if it was possible.

Anyway, I think that’s enough description of myself.
I had the most amazing mother in-law, the one you dream of having, who can have a joke about her son, the one you can confide in. Well it was just amazing, his parents are split up and his dad is a little, different, one that you can never please, but that wasn’t an issue. Sooo many brothers, well not that many, but more than any family I have met. Everyone was amazing, I seemed to get along with everyone even though I was just different (Piercings, tattoos, coloured hair, just a bit different.) It was amazing, I have hard issues fitting in with people straight away as I am quite self-conscious.
We ended up deciding that at the beginning of the third trimester, we would move to a different state to live with his mum, step dad and half sister. There was a wedding on the way, so we figured why not?!

When we got there, it was amazing, but soo HOT! Like, you wouldn’t believe, I felt like I was going to die! I was looking for a car, so I could drive myself around, but my wonderful MIL said it’s okay, I will take you. The house was right near the biggest hill in my life, so I knew I couldn’t walk it, in heat, pregnant, and back problems, who could?! But coming up to my first appointment at centrelink (not even the hospital!). All of a sudden, she couldn’t take me, so I was organising a taxi, luckily my partner finished work early and took me. Then my birthday came around, I couldn’t believe it, only my SIL said happy birthday! WHAT THE?!
I ended up crying on my birthday, realising how much I missed my family, we both missed our normal area. We decided to move back, letting my MIL know every detail as to what was happening, well the day of, she didn’t wake up. Left later than planned, didn’t wake her, as I was planning on sending EVERY bit of my savings as a thank you. Well we got abused and not very nice things were said to and about me, she called everyone in his family saying oh so nasty lies about me. Mind you, before we left, I told my SIL to let her know how much I thought of her, tell her we said goodbye the usual as to what a MALE usually forgets. But according to these rumors, I said nothing, walked out on everyone, etc. etc.

You can already guess the hype about me having smoked, well my other TWO SILS, both did drugs while they were pregnant, knew one drank, yet they continue to make sure that no-one knew that, yet they focused on all my bad points (Smoking and my supposedly fake mental health and back issues.) When my baby was diagnosed being extremely small (maybe or maybe not to do with smoking, both my partner and I were very small babies). Everyone automatically jumped to nasty conclusions, they all found the need to make sure they would complain publicly on facebook, yet be so nice to my face.

I could make this store into a book if I went into to details, but the thing that pisses me off about this whole thing, is that it is a mum on mum attack. Why do mum’s feel the need to feel like better mums? Try to make others feel back about being different?! This isn’t necessary! Be nice! Help! Stop judging what other’s do or don’t do, if they don’t neglect their child, it’s none of your damn business!

Angry mummy.

Posted anonymously, 4th June 2015

9 Comments

- - mum888 said
  - 25 Dec 2015
    7:34 pm
In our culture we grew up comparing which child was the smartest and it really lowers your confidence. Do something nice for yourself , do anything in your power to enjoy your life and soon you wont give a hoot about anyone else. That is the best way to be and I learnt .

- - mom94125 said
  - 20 Jun 2015
    1:29 pm
sorry for the huge post but you are not alone. just try to do the best that you can!

- - christial said
  - 12 Jun 2015
    1:46 pm
It’s sad but true. For some reason a lot of women want to turn everything into a competition. Including families and parenthood!

- - EllenG89 said
  - 07 Jun 2015
    7:21 am
I know so many in the same situation and it is just appalling…Know you are much better than that and ditch the negativity in your life!
- mom93821 replied
  
  08 Jun 2015 , 7:10 am
  Good point-ditch negativity and toxic people.
- - mom93821 said
  - 06 Jun 2015
    7:01 pm
Thanks for sharing your very personal story and sorry to hear that you are dealing with multiple issues. People don’t understand anxiety and other such issues as they are not visible; however; they are just as real and hard to manage. Wishing you well and I hope things do improve for you.

- - mom94125 said
  - 05 Jun 2015
    3:45 pm
yeah it sounds like a lot of miscommunication between you two. i know that it isn’t always easy getting on with family. Trust me, i have had a period of a year living with my mil. She is bipolar among other things and a big alcoholic. I had come back from taking my kid to school and my littlie walked out to say hi and i called her inside to get her organised for other stuff, My mil had a disagreement with my partner and so she went off on me for that. My partner went out there to calm her down and she started swinging a broom at him. We didn’t talk for over a month. The next big blowout was a similar event but over a…..bin. I had moved the bin that i had paid for, somewhere so that my kid would not pull rubbish out. she moved it back and i told her why i was moving it and moved it again. She went freaking physco! She came into my room throwing punches but i put my hand up to push her away so i never got hit and my partner had to jump in. Imagine your man trying to keep his raging mum off of you while you have a newborn in your arms, a 2 year old child at the door watching her nanna trying to punch her mum and your eldest seeing this all. We locked ourselves in the room and my children cried. I so badly wanted to call the police but for my man, i let this go. She ended up moving out and 7 months later at christmas i let it go. She wasn’t invited to our chirissy but she knew that i would keep the kids away from her and her son was on my side. It was not my job to punish her but she realised that while every other person will be pushed around by her and they will take her crap- i am not her blood and i have no reason to. If it wasn’t for my children, i would not have a relationship with her. She wrecked it. We be civil now but i will never let her get close to me personally because i see right through her. I don’t let the kids sleep at her place and if she wants to see them and she is drunk, that is the end of it but to be honest, i don’t think that she evens cares about seeing them. We live in the same town and she only talks to you when she wants something. So sad for my kids when i am trying to pretend things are normal. It is sad when she is the only representation of a grandparent that my kids have. Oh can i just add that i was cooking, cleaning, washing up every single thing and she did not offer to help, not even once. We paid her bills and fed her without a thankyou while she got drunk everyday. She was supposed to be saving money to get her life on track but it was a big waste of a year and ruined our relationship. It is better to support yourself, not take things from them and keep your distance. So sorry this is a big post but i wanted to share this with you because i get it!

Maybe you guys will work it out but i think that you need to establish boundaries to protect yourself and your children.

- - BellaB said
  - 04 Jun 2015
    8:22 pm
It sounds like you have a lot of issues and problems. I’m so sorry, and hope things get better for you.

- - mom56312 said
  - 04 Jun 2015
    5:52 pm
I hate to admit this but i too did smoke during my second pregnacy but i cut way down to one or two a day once i found out. I also had a drink or two before i knew i was pregnant. I spent the whole pregnancy paranoid something was going to happen, eventhough our first chid was born prem with issues at 24 weeks and passed away that triggered depresion big time.
My Inlaws were the pain in the ass you would expect making it all about them. Everybody kept telling nothing would happen but it did he was born prem at 34 weeks just days after my last check up. The comments after that was gosh you did say things didnt feel quite right. But lucky for us he was fine and we now have a lovely family of three kids. I now have a good realaionship with the inlaws they have learnt if they want to be included in the family they have to respect our wishes and support their only son. My husband put them in their place it took time ( about a year) but it happened ( they have no other family in Australia). If they want your kids in their life they need to respect you nobodys perfect. My husband pointed out his kids and wife then famly come in that order. Sometimes i think inlaws were put on earth to annoy us, but one day i will be a inlaw for that reason i now try to be nice to mine.