Total senses

nice story to have a read

Yep. I know this feeling. We have a special needs kid, and every professional we meet simply calls me “Mum”. I know it’s probably because of the number of people they interact with, but still! I have a name!

I happy read your article. Thank you. I am me before married, I am a mum after married and feel happy to enjoy my life with my hubby and my lovely son.

It’s way too easy, when you’re so busy looking after your family, to become someone’s Mum or wife or carer, etc. and to feel like you’re no longer “you”. Yes, I’m Charlie’s mum, and Michael’s wife, but I’m also me, a valuable caring person who deserves to be acknowledged for what I do in my life. Most frustrating for me is when someone asks “What do you do for work?” and so many women say “Oh, I don’t work. I’m just a stay-at-home mum”. Hellooooo??? Stay-at-home mums don’t work??? Since when? Best thing I ever did was make a date with myself every week for a couple of hours, that’s real “me” time. Sometimes I just read a book, other times I might go for a massage, or catch up with a friend for coffee, but it’s my time for me. At first I felt guilty doing it, but now the family even ask what I’m doing this week on my “date”, because they say that I’m always energized afterwards.

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  • • mom57522 replied
    • 03 Jan 2015 , 4:04 pm

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  That’s a brilliant idea. Time as ‘you’.

Good point! Its easy to just be a one-person support crew for your family and forget about yourself. You’ve helped me make up my mind…this Sunday, lunch with my girlfriends or family time? This weekend lunch with my girlfriends wins!

i was me before i had kids now i mum .. harrys mum…

I felt this way for quite a while after I had my child before I went back to work. I knew that some family members weren’t inviting me over, they were inviting my daughter over. When my parents called, it wasn’t to talk about me, it was to talk about her or my husband or our life. When my in-laws called over, they gooed and gahed and I just ran around getting cups of tea. I completely lost my sense of identity because I was always just the support around everyone else. It’s a common feeling for mums and it doesn’t go away.

I found that returning to work and being known for the work I was completing to be the best thing for me. I can imagine where this becomes difficult, women can sometimes get lost in the push and shove of life and I don’t know that there is an answer except to cultivate friendships with your girlfriends and try to take time for yourself and your prusuits – study, work, run – I think having an achieveable goal is important for anyone, but especially for mothers.

We all feel a bit like that once we become a Mum. After all, every one else comes beofre us, our kids, our husbands, keeping out families happy. But when your kids have grown up, you don’t want to feel empty, like you’ve lost yourself. I suggest you invest some time doing something for you and you only, like take up a yoga class, a make-up or childcare course or painting. I chose to study and am doing a degree through Open Uni. So at least I’m doing something constructive for myself, that will advantage my whole family in the long run. If you are working, maybe you should consider where the next step in your career may take you, or how you can get there. It’s so important to feel like a validated part of the adult world too, as well as having the most fun ( and exhausting!) job of being a loving Mumma.

Dear Jeanine – thank you for writing such an awesome article. It is true, you are you and I know how you feel. It is sometimes hard to feel like an individual when there are so many “labels” we all seem to have – mother, daughter, niece, sister, Aunt, great niece, friend. They are all true but it would be nice to be known just as you and, for that matter, just as me. Thank you for writing such an insightful article. You have a beautiful spirit.
Thank you.

I often feel like I am completely over looked by everyone as “Just” X, Y or Z. I have my own likes, dislikes and you had better watch out if you cross me because I sure won’t be forgiving you to do it again. I like to go out and have fun with my own friends, this does not mean I am less of a mum to my beautiful children, or not a loving aunt and wife. It just means I am HUMAN, and I also need to take time out and recharge my batteries on occasion too. So handle it, I will be back and better than ever!