Bare with me people, this is a long and messy tale. But I need some support and guidance.
My husband and I have a beautiful 6 month old daughter. My husband lost his job before she was born and we decided he would try to start his own business from home and be a stay at home dad. This means I will be going back to work earlier than anticipated, which is fine.
Except we just found out my mother is very ill. She had been diagnosed with cancer and various other smaller illnesses surrounding the cancer diagnosis. It broke our family’s hearts. Everyone is doing all they can to help her, but I am the only one off work. I love my mother more than I can explain, so I am doing everything in my power. I go to treatments, take her to specialists, bring my baby over to make sure she eats dinner and is okay at night time (she is a widow and lives on her own). But it is starting to take a toll on me. My body is beginning to wear out, I am having chronic back pain, fevers, headaches etc.
My husband is doing the best job he can, looking after the baby while I am gone, but I am still a mother. I can’t help it, when I am at home, I do everything. I am the only one in my family with a baby, so they don’t understand. They think that when I come home after appointments, I can rest and relax. But I get home at 4pm, which is the start of ‘peak time’. Bathing, bottles, playing, feeding, etc etc. Not to mention our dinner in there somewhere.
When I’m with my mum, I feel guilty I’m not with my husband and baby. When I’m with my husband and baby, I feel guilty that I’m not with my mum. This then leads to be feeling angry and resentful that I am taking it all on. Every time someone goes to the beach, or a movie, or out to dinner, I get angry that I can’t do it because I’m too exhausted and sore. Then I feel guilty for thinking about myself when my mum is so sick.
I am stuck in a bottomless pit and need some support. I can’t return to work in this mindframe, I will never survive.
Posted by teacup83, 16th February 2014