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I have always been very close to my mum and dad. I wasn’t an only child but the youngest of four girls by nine years. I might as well have been an only child cause by the time I can remember my 2 eldest sisters and left home and my other sister definately didn’t want her little sister bugging her teenage friends. As a child of older parents my fear when I reached my early twenties and still had not met the man of dreams was that maybe they wouldn’t see my wedding let alone my children.

Just after our wedding in October 2009 hubby and I decided to stop contraceptives straight away and let nature take its course on the baby front. I was 29 and concerned about fertility. Twelve months later still not pregnant. We went and had all the standard testing done and of course the results were “no problems” so we continued on trying for a baby. In June 2012 we decided that we couldn’t keep dealing with the stress of it all so we decided to go on a holiday and when we got back start looking at fertility options and clinics. We rediscovered each other on our holiday and in August found out we were pregnant. Straight away we told our parents and siblings and couldn’t wait to tell our friends. Then just one week after finding out I woke one morning to bleeding but thank God after a week of stress, many tears and one very uncomfortable internal ultrasound we saw our little miracles heart beat.

In September 2012 we celebrated dads 71st birthday though he didn’t seem himself. Dad had been losing weight for months but blinded by our baby joy I didn’t seem to put it down to anything more than getting old.

When I was 14 weeks pregnant I came home from work late and saw my parents car parked out the front, hubby already home. I found it odd that he had not called to let me know they were here. My heart sunk, deep inside I knew there was something wrong.

Mum and dad then told me (they had called my hubby earlier that day to let him know and prepare him so that he could be there for me) that he had been diagnosed with lung cancer but his prognosis was good. Dad held me tight and just kept saying don’t worry about him but to just focus on that little bubba.

When he left my hubby and I sat down to talk it all through. We came to the conclusion that dad would have a few years, his uncle had lung cancer and survived 10 years with it. We figured it wouldn’t be so bad cause I would be on maternity leave for some of his treatment and could give mum and break sometimes.

So dad started chemo and his beautiful black hair started falling out but other than that he had very few side effects. My sister had procured some hemp oil which he was taking and that seemed to really help with nausea.

In December Dad had to go back to oncologist to see how that treatment was going. He told them that he was going well except that he was having some really bad headaches and his eyesight was getting worse so to be on the safe side doctor decided that since he was getting scans done to check cancer progression they might as well make it a full body one.

Christmas day 2012 – I don’t know that I will ever forget this day- I had just over 3 months to go, my due date was 3 April 2013. The whole family had come to my parents home for Christmas day, even the cousins I hadn’t seen in years. After lunch dad called around the whole family, he wanted to say some things since he felt that he didn’t have much longer, why would he think that people survived for years with lung cancer. Well that was when he made a big announcement, unfortunately the cancer was not only in his lung but had gone to his brain as well. The doctor said maybe 3 months, maybe 12 months it really depended on the radiotherapy and if it worked. In my head all I could think was but my baby is not due for 3 and a half months.

From this time dad got alot worse very fast, by January he wouldn’t leave the house and by early February was completely bed ridden. The radiotherapy had done nothing to the cancer in his brain and was effecting every single part of his life. He no longer wanted to eat and could not even simply get out of bed to go to the bathroom cause his eyesight and balance was too bad. My mum tried for as long as she could to nurse him but we could see it was taking a major toll on her.

In early March my dad was put into pallative care at Camden hospital, for me this was like the beginning of the end. I realised that there was no miracle cure, it was just a count down now till we said goodbye.

I was doing everything I could to bring this baby on but nothing was working. I had left work the first week of March and spend almost every day with dad. The man I saw as my hero was nothing but a shell of the person I knew. The cancer was effecting his memory and his emotions.

On 25 March 2013 at 2am my husbands mobile phone on the bedside table vibrated. Before he even picked it up I knew that my dad had passed. Of course it would be during the night he would never want anyone to have to be there at the very end, he would prefer to go peacefully in his sleep. My hubby drove my mum and I to the hospital to say our goodbyes. My baby was still firmly and safely tucked within my womb showing no signs of coming. Dad passed exactly three months to the date that he told us all of the brain cancer. Typical, dad was very meticulous and organised.

We said goodbye to my dad in a beautiful ceremony celebrating his life on 2 April 2013, the local Fire Brigade who he had been a part of for the past 26 years was there as a guard of honour.

One week and one day later on 11 April 2013 at 4,29pm we welcomed our beautiful little girl into the world. Sophia Evangeline was born with my dads blue eyes and was the joy my family needed after such a loss.

As much as I wanted my dad to meet my daughter I thank God everyday that he atleast knew I was pregnant and that I am now on maternity leave and am able to be there for my mum and help her cope with losing the love of her life to whom she had been married for just a few months shy of 50 years. I realise now more than ever that everything happens for a reason and God has his own timing.


Posted by natlor80, 23rd August 2013


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  • What a bittersweet time this most of been for you.

    Reply

  • I am so sorry for your loss, and so happy for the birth of your daughter.

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  • :( how precious at least your daughter will know that her grandpa knew about her and was much loved by him. Life truly is precious

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  • re last comment — thats a good way of putting it

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  • There meeting has just been ‘delayed’.

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  • One of the saddest images that surfaces regularly for me is that of my sister giving my mothers Eulogy while she was 36 weeks pregnant. It just isn’t right. My mother was not even a ‘ripe’ age – hence life has its own strange way of working itself to how IT thinks things should be.

    I am so sorry for your loss :( . But don’t believe for a second that your father has missed out entirely. I believe his spirit lingers within those he’s loved and I’m sure he’s so very very proud of you and totally in love with his Grandchild.

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  • Such a bittersweet time it must have been for you.congrats on your bundle of joy, may all your dreams come true :)

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  • what a beautiful heart wrenching story. God bless you and your family xxx

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  • From darkness comes light. So sorry for the loss of your father. Congratulations on the birth of your daughter Sophia.

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  • So sorry to hear of your lose, but also congratulations on your new arrival, im sure your dad is watching proudly, xo

    Reply

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