I have found myself in a situation of wanting a baby. Maybe I should start with telling how I found myself in this position. I had very strict parents so I got married at 19 to the first boy that asked me. By the time I was 21 I was pregnant with my first child. Four years later came my second. The day that they were going to take her my mom came to the hospital and asked me to tie my tubes. She said your marriage isn’t stable don’t have another. The truth of the matter was she knew more than I have her credit for. Two years into the marriage he came abusive. He didn’t stop there he was cheating all the time. So done what she asked. When I came home I cried for two weeks, wishing I hadn’t done it. But knowing she was right. I made it with until a few months before our ten years together. My oldest daughter got to were she was eight now and wouldn’t go to school afraid of what daddy would do to mommy while she was gone. She looked at me and said I will never marry a man like daddy. That day I realized what am I doing to my children. What am I teaching my daughters. Yes I got my divorce. Now I have met a wonderful man. My daughters are now 18 and 15. I have a wonderful man in my life and I am going to be turning forty. I want more than anything to give this man who has never been married and has no children a child. I want my tubes untied but it’s so expensive. I have written every talk so and everyone I know trying to enter contest to win. Trying to find anyone to help point me in the right direction. Hoping for my miracle. I don’t know if a forty year old can have a baby but I want to do this so bad. I want to prove that a used women can have that happy ever after. That they don’t have to give up on life or their dreams.

Posted anonymously, 19th February 2016

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  • I am happy that you got out of that relationship for yourself and your kids. The first starting point would be speaking to your doctor and your new boyfriend/husband. What’s the risk to your and your baby having a baby in your forties, etc ? Does your partner want a child? Then for the cost associated you could maybe set up a go fund me account?


  • Your mother gave you bad advice – you could have used contraception. I have no suggestions, only a little support: The sat of my children was born when I was 43.


  • Also; Might be a good idea to find some online groups/forums on this topic. May help to read/chat with people on a similar journey?


  • Best of luck on raising the funds to get your tubal reversal! It’s a major operation too, and unfortunately Medicare doesn’t cover it, even if something went wrong (like did with me). Worst decision I ever made getting mine done, and it was because my ex was so abusive and horrible. If only I’d considered that maybe I wouldn’t get into that situation again. Hope everything works out for you!


  • Good luck and wish you well with what ever course to take to have another child. But definitely talk to your gp and get a refferal to see if can be done at affordable cost. I had my last child when i was 37 and i know of friends who have had kids at 40.


  • I guess it would be a discussion with your doctor or specialist such as Repromed (fertility specialists) and find out costs of procedures before determining whether to proceed. Fertility specialists maybe able to do an egg extraction without reversing your tube tying. They would then have to do an IVF procedure to create an embryo & implant back into you. This I believe would be quite expensive compared to a reversal operation but maybe more successful at your age and depending on how long you have your tubes tied for. I wish you the best of luck with your decision.


  • I’m so glad to hear that you were able to fight and get out of an abusive marriage. I can understand how difficult it must be wanting a child and knowing that it’s not possible unless you get an operation. No idea about the prices either. But I wouldn’t worry about your age. 40 years old is not old. If you want it, it can happen and you can have a very good pregnancy. But first you will have to sort out the operation. I wish you all the best!!


  • I am truly sorry to hear about the abuse you suffered and glad you are no longer enduring abuse. I have no idea about the cost of such a procedure and your GP may be your best reference point for any information on this procedure. Good to read that you have now found happiness with a new partner.


  • You are lucky to have found a loving partner who clearly loves you and your children for all that you can offer him. Sometimes we cannot have children, and, despite the desire, we need to understand that there may be nothing that can be done to change that fact. Even if you did get your tubes untied, there is no guarantee that you would be able to have another child – especially at 40. My Dr was concerned about my age when I had mine at 36 and I haven’t been able to have any more. What is, is what it is.

    Relish what you have and enjoy the wonderful person who loves you for you. You have a wonderful beautiful new chapter in your life that needs nothing more than you, him and your daughters.

    Don’t be hard on yourself for decisions and actions taken years ago – try to look on the bright side – without taking these actions, your life might not have led you to your loving partner.


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