My daughter has always been highly emotional. She does everything with passion. Life, work, relationships, school. She also suffers from depression. So I’m worried. At the moment, she’s in a relationship with a young man, he seems to be a very nice young man. But he comes with baggage. His mum died at a young age so he was raised by his sad and his older sister stepped into the mother role. Which was great, he appreciates that and needed it. Trouble is, he’s 23 now and older sister is still in mother role, very overly controlling mother role. He was 22 before she let him have his keycard, he had to fight for it to. She collects his mail AND opens it AND reads it!!! He has to tell her what he earns so she San work out a budget for him. Any money he has left over he has to give to her for savings. If he wants to do anything (from camping, change jobs, see a movie, buy a car) he has to ask get first. She has been so in control of him for so long, she doesn’t know how to let go.
This is causing all sorts of drama for my daughter and placing so much stress on the relationship. She’s at breaking point! I worry her depression will take over and I’ll lose her :,(

Posted by mom81879, 6th September 2015

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  • Her partner really needs to stand up for himself and explain to his step sister that his no longer a baby and can look after himself. Your daughter also needs to explain to him that it’s causing her grief and having negative affect on her.


  • the boy needs to stand on his own feet! is he capable of looking after himself? maybe someone like you could give him advice on what he needs to do to look after himself. i think that at his age, maybe he finds it easier to let her deal with his “boring” finances. Wouldn’t you love it if someone’s took charge of the bills! but yeah, sure is time to grow up even a little bit!


  • Definitely a tough one!! Might be an idea to have your daughter, her partner and his sister over for a bit of a meeting and talk it out… Could work. I would imagine the sister just wants to see her brother happy, and I’m sure your daughter makes him happy. A sit down just seems to be the right idea – she may not realise how controlling she is.


  • It’s a work in progress. The boyfriend is finding it hard to make the break, he’s more or less been brainwashed into thinking he can’t cope without his sister an dad, they’ve told him for so long he’s hopeless without them. Now they’ve resorted to abuse and degrading my daughter, making her out to be the cause of all this. It’s a worrying time for mum :/


  • Yes I would seek some advice on controlling issues perhaps! Wishing you well!


  • It sounds like the young man needs to have a chat with his sister and tell her to let go. If that’s what he wants. I hope your daughter is seeking help for her depression


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