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A mum says her daughter’s bully is being allowed to continue being a ‘brat’ because she’s in foster care, and she’s now confronted her teachers about the situation.

The 36-year-old mum says her 11-year-old daughter has a close-knit group of five friends, who do everything together. But now a another child has come into the picture, and it’s causing issues for her daughter.

“At her school students have to sit in the same seat for every single lesson, and my daughter and her best friends all sit together at one table,” she explained.

“There is another little girl in my daughter’s class called Winny. Once, Winny came to sit at my daughter’s table when one of her friends was off sick. That day, Winny constantly knocked my daughter’s books and pens off the table on accident, and borrowed her stationery only to snap one of her rubbers, stain her highlighter with black ink, and was even found with my daughter’s pens in her pocket.

“One morning Winny came to school crying non stop. The teacher was very sympathetic and asked if there was anything she could do to help. Winny said she wanted my daughter removed from her seat so she could have it, and the teacher agreed.

“The only empty seats left were all the way in the back corner of the classroom opposite her friends, and the only students sitting there were a girl who was known to be a delinquent and two older boys who had been held back.”

The mum says the teacher refused to give her daughter an explanation about why she had to move seats, ‘instead saying some generic stuff about being kind to those less fortunate’.

She says her daughter cried for a week straight, after realising she would be ‘isolated’ from her closest friends for the rest of the school year.

“She’s also starting high school next year and will be attending a private school, while her friends are going to a public school, so this is the last time she can hang out with them everyday.”

The situation came to a head when the mum says she was called into the school, because her daughter had been in an argument with Winny.

“Winny had confided in my daughter’s friends about how she had gone into foster care after her parents overdosed. Winny was always a loner at school and wanted some girls to sit with during this time, and the teacher sympathised with her so she agreed.

“The only reason my daughter had to move was because there wasn’t enough space for seven girls and my daughter was simply the one Winny liked the least, and she admitted to lying to the teacher about being uncomfortable around my daughter to get her moved. When my daughter found this out, she told Winny she didn’t understand why she had to pay the price just because Winny’s parents were a bunch of insane criminals who didn’t want her anymore.

“I know Winny’s had a hard time, but so has my daughter. Her older brother passed away only months ago. I told the teachers that Winny isn’t the only child going through a tough time and I didn’t understand why my daughter had to be punished for another girl’s struggles as if she wasn’t suffering herself.

“The teachers wanted me to make my daughter apologise for her remarks, and I said it was their fault for punishing her and forcing her to sit with the problem kids despite doing nothing wrong, and they were downplaying my daughter’s grief and trauma to cater to a brat.”

This mum now wants to know if she’s the one in the wrong in this situation. Leave your opinion in the comments below!

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  • Not right. All kids should be treated the same at school, regardless of their home lives. Making accepting for some whilst being tougher on others just causes more problems

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  • The only person doing wrong in this situation is the teacher. I hope your daughter gets the help and support that she needs too. When I had to start a new school, I was told where to sit even though I came from a dysfunctional family and I was never given special treatment.

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  • I think the person really at fault here is the teacher – she’s an adult and she’s doing a really bad job of supporting and teaching those girls.

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  • I think the teacher has handled the situation very poorly. There are always three sides to a story, its realise which is the truth.
    I think this young girl has hoodwinked a few people to get exactly what she wants and orchestred to get. No boundaries have been set at all by foster parents, teacher and children.

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  • I don’t agree with Winny being given special treatment just because of her circumstances. This is giving her the green light to use her situation to her advantage throughout her life and to have a woah is me attitude to life. It wasn’t fair that your daughter was moved from her friend group just because this girl didn’t like her as much as the others, however your daughter should not make disrespectful comments to Winny about her circumstances, no one knows the full story about them. I sympathise with you about your daughter’s circumstances about the passing of her brother, but you or your daughter would not like it if some one said disrespectful things about your situation.

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  • No one here has behaved without cause for reproach, and I think it needs resolution from above . I don’t agree with the teacher but the language the mother has used describing Winnt’s family background has been echoed by the daughter, which isn’t helping at all.

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  • I think the headmaster should be called into this situation and a solution for everyone worked out. Both Winny, your daughter and the teacher have been in the wrong during this saga.
    Maybe a compromise of seating where half of the original group sit together and the other half sit together should have been reached.
    I don’t blame the mother for trying to assist in this situation, but it has certainly grown out of all proportion now.

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  • I don’t think the mother should be encouraging her daughter to say unkind things by not reprimanding her/ making her apologise. Yes, the teacher is very much in the wrong here by giving special allowances, but I think both girls need to be sat down together with the principal to mediated so they can sort out their differences. The teacher also needs to come up with a different seating plan that is a compromise that works for everyone.

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  • Yeah no, sorry but this teacher should have clear boundaries and not just change things from sympathy. All children need to be treated equally and it’s definitely not fair on the child that was removed from her seat.

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  • I personally think kids should be moved on a regular basis in class so there is no favouritism and kids can learn to share with other students instead of having clicky little groups. It seems Winny, your daughter and the teacher need to come to a solution that suits all.

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  • Your daughter has obviously reached her breaking point, good on her for fighting back and standing up for herself. Seems a bit unfair she should be removed from her friend group

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  • Such a tricky situation

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  • Hmm, quite honestly it sounds like there has been bad behaviour all around. Was your daughter provoked? Yes. However, while your daughter shouldn’t have been moved from her entire friend group in such a way, neither was her comment to Winny kind or necessary, it also is a form of bullying.
    At this point I think Senior School Leaders like the Principal and, if there is one, School Counsellor should be involved. It also sounds like the class teacher needs some better strategies for coping with who sits where and manipulative/disruptive behaviours.

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  • The teacher excusing Winny’s behaviours is teaching her to be a brat to get what she wants.
    This child is not being taught how to be caring, courteous, kind and thoughtful. Instead shes being taught how to bully, step all over people and using her disadvantages to treat people with disrespect. Big thumbs down to the teacher.

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  • Being a foster child and having a hard life is no excuse and the teacher taking winny’s side is not professional nor acceptable. Why should your daughter feel left out and having to move desks. I would ask for a review. It feels more like the teacher punishing your child for another childs lie. I would take this matter further and address your points. This also encourages winny to continue his behaviour knowing she will get what she wants because of her personal circumstances

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  • There are no excuses but there is context – I think of a child doesn’t feel safe because of the actions of another person (student or staff) that is not ok and the behaviour needs to be addressed with supports in place for all parties to ensure it is not repeated

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  • Being a foster child is no excuse and I believe the teacher handled the situation inappropriately and caused a lot of distress. I really don’t know how the situation can be sorted out but I think the daughter should apologise to Winny. What she said was horrible.

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  • Unfortunately there are always those out there who are ready to blame their behaviour on everything/everyone else rather than taking responsibility for their own actions; be it race, religion or upbringing. If it is not nipped in the bud early, the young bully grows into an adult bully.
    Some of the other comments listed object to your daughter’s retort to the bully; but who out there hasn’t lashed out either physically or verbally when hurt?
    Good luck, I feel for you (and actually for the bully too, I think there is a lot of anger bottled up there).

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  • The teacher is not dealing with this well. Whinny’s behaviour is unacceptable and she should not be “rewarded” for it. However, your daughter should apologise for her remarks about Winny’s parents.

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  • It was unfair for your daughter to be isolated for no reason. The teacher should have changed the whole class around and split the group in two so nobody was left out. Having said that, your daughters comments regarding Winnys parents were totally unacceptable.

    Reply

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