‘Tis the season….to send yourself insane

Ahh the Christmas season, the joy, the love, the imagined picture of what Christmas should be in your home.

I still imagine Christmas as a snow covered lawn and Santa puffing and fluffing his way through the snow to get to our chimney.

Only a couple of problems there; I don’t think I’ve ever had a Christmas that wasn’t pushing the mercury over 27◦C, more like 35◦C and we’re all heading for the pool on Christmas Eve, Santa has a beer in his hand, sweating his butt off. And we don’t have a fireplace. But those images really do drive us to push for the imagined dream of what Christmas should be.

Last year my marriage finally gave it’s last breath to the universe. It needed to happen. But the story I need to share with you all, is that for the first time in 13 years, I didn’t have the husband’s income or credit to do the whole extravagant Christmas. I had a budget of around $300 to buy for 6 kids. I was really stressed, until I decided that I would get them one thing that they asked for, and the cheap $2 toys to fill in the gaps. I got some help from the organisation where I was staying (a Santa sack with gifts).

I organised to spend the day with my sister’s family, my mum and my kids.

My contribution to the day was a sundae bar. I invested about $30 at the most, ice cream, topping, and sprinkles of all kinds, little marshmallow’s, and the whole nine yards. Didn’t seem like much of a contribution at the time, but we set it up (my sister has an amazing artistic flare; and can make anything look fantastic) she put it all on a little stand, ice cream cups and spoons, little bowls for the sprinkles and stuff. And there it was, the kids loved it! By far the best investment for the day.

The kids all woke up to a small Santa stocking with cheap gifts, and each had 4 gifts from me. One bigger gift that they had asked for and the cheaper things I knew they would like, but wouldn’t break the budget.

And do you know what? It was one of the best Christmas days we’ve had.

There wasn’t the big, stressful dinner with a thousand different meats, nothing had to be pushed and pulled and stuffed just so.

My sister did an amazing turkey, wonderful pork (and crackling of course) and I did a leg of lamb the night before. Mum contributed drinks and nibbles, and all the last minute things. I think she may have done the ham too.

That day was the first time my kids have ever sat down and actually eaten Christmas dinner. Ruby, who is probably the pickiest of all, sat quietly munching away and asked for seconds, then thirds. We were so relaxed and had such a great time. It was quiet and relaxed as we all sat and ate, and laughed at how my oven was complete crap, and the lamb I’d cooked for 7 hours was still raw.

So what was different? I still had the same amount of kids, I still had to shop and lug them around, and I was going through a nasty break up. Why was this Christmas so different?

I have a couple of ideas; first of all, I decided that it was useless to put pressure on myself to make it the ‘perfect Christmas’. I had no way of providing Xbox 360’s and Gameboys. So why stress about something that I can’t change?

I knew that I could provide a happy place, and a present that they had asked for. I knew that I could provide a couple of other toys that they liked. I knew that I could provide them with a family to spend a nice day with.

I also knew that kids don’t give a rat’s bum about how much a gift costs. They will throw down an $800 iPad to go play just as they would a $2 toy (yes I have watched this, the cracked screen is a testament).

I know that crappy toys from the cheap shop give them just as much joy, if it is something that you know your child likes.

And I knew that it doesn’t matter how much you give them, nothing is more valuable or craved or needed by your child than your love, time and attention.

I believe that because there were fewer gifts, they appreciated what they had. There wasn’t the total mania of years past of “one more”. They sat outside on our blanket, played with the toys they received, sat on our laps, kissed and cuddled us, swam and ate at their leisure.

This year is much the same, I’m broke as broke can be, the kids know that they are getting at least one gift off their wish list, and not much more. And guess what? They are content with that, they watch me budget and struggle all year, they know that there isn’t a secret stash of money set aside to rain down and shower them with thousands of Christmas presents. And that’s ok.

They know that we will celebrate Christmas with our family; they know that they will celebrate with their Dad and his family. They will go to the beach and swim and build sandcastles, get sick from too many lollies, probably get sunburnt and go to bed with sand in their bum cracks.

And what could be better than that? Children that actually know the joy and spirit of Christmas. Children that know that they have so many people that love them and want to spend the holidays with them.

So many times in our lives, we are given the opportunity to learn, and I have definitely learned.

My children may want the Xbox’s and the Gameboys, but they appreciate what I can give, they know I put so much love and thought into what they get. They have just as much fun with cheaper gifts. They don’t want money, they want me. Simple.

They want to know I love them and appreciate them for who they are, not sending them off with a $400 gift to play alone in a closed room for days in front of a screen.

So put down the catalogues, stop stressing over what the Jones’s are getting their kids. Put a little thought into what your kid wants and leave the rest.

Remember that Christmas is a time for love, and family. Not about how much you spend. Remember that your kids basically want you, all the time. Remember that a BBQ at the beach or sitting outside on a blanket is pretty much the best thing ever.

Your kids want to be with you, and want you to show them how much you love them. Christmas really is the season to be jolly. Merry Christmas, to you and your families. May your days be filled with love and joy.

Love to hear what Christmas means to your family and how you spend Christmas day?

Image courtesy of Shutterstock.com

23 Comments

- - mom81879 said
  - 19 Nov 2015
    7:46 am
Sounds like you had the perfect Christmas in my books. Focussed on family, the kids, and everything else fell into place. I would have loved to be there for your celebration

- - mom113055 said
  - 10 Mar 2015
    3:27 pm
sounds awesome and looks great

- - Moonberry said
  - 23 Feb 2015
    4:06 pm
As long as our children are enjoying xmas, I am happy!

- - christial said
  - 22 Feb 2015
    10:08 am
Love spending time with the family over Christmas.. But it really can get so hectic that you forget to enjoy it!

- - matildaspice said
  - 10 Jan 2015
    9:22 pm
Your kids are blessed with love, that is the most important thing.

- - meimei said
  - 04 Jan 2015
    11:49 am
Definitely family time with festive dishes, love and happiness to celebrate Christmas season.

- - keeleynme said
  - 02 Jan 2015
    6:04 pm
Yes agree with all, it’s about family and love not money

- - mom94125 said
  - 01 Jan 2015
    10:55 pm
this was lovely to read even after christmas. thanks for posting this

- - mom114370 said
  - 26 Dec 2014
    1:32 pm
Beautiful story…showing the true meaning of Christmas…

- - mom93821 said
  - 25 Dec 2014
    9:15 pm
Thanks for sharing this interesting article; I enjoyed reading it. We always keep Christmas low key; small gifts. The most important thing; is lots of home made food and fun.

- - momEL92 said
  - 25 Dec 2014
    9:00 pm
It’s a magical time of year, when we all need to remember it is about spending time with family. You’re a wonderful mother, with a beautiful heart!

- - stepmom107932 said
  - 25 Dec 2014
    1:14 pm
Christmas is never really what you expect especially when you are no longer closer to the family like me

- - mom57522 said
  - 24 Dec 2014
    8:37 am
Pancakes for breakfast whole opening prezzies.

- - taynik46 said
  - 24 Dec 2014
    6:59 am
yes the one magical time of the year that can send even the most organised mum into a frenzy! – thank you for your heartfelt article, I felt like you put christmas back into perspective for me – merry christmas to you and yours

- - hopefullyheidi said
  - 23 Dec 2014
    11:53 pm
Now this is an article full of the true spirit of sharing and togetherness of Christmas. Thank you. I loved your piece of writing and was often reading it thinking how relatable a lot of it was to my life and situation. I love the idea of the sundae bar – very creative and fun and something that will be remembered long after the gaming systems have been forgotten about.

- - mom109463 said
  - 23 Dec 2014
    8:54 pm
I will spend Christmas Day with my husband who I have been with for nearly 20 years, and my twin twenty six year old sons, we used to do the big Christmas Day with my husbands 4 children, spouses and children, where we would provide everything and work like Trojans for a week to get organised, then we would travel 150km to have dinner with my parents and 3 sisters and their families, then both my husband and myself got ill and could no longer physically do it, we went out for dinner at the hotel for a couple of years but no one wanted to pay, (we paid to start with) and 2 of my sisters had a falling out, so I did not want to get involved with any issues there, so last year we stayed home, had a lovely lunch, relaxing afternoon, went and seen the Grandchildren and gave them their gifts, and it was the best most stressfree Christmas ever, If we had young children it may be different but we don’t we have lots of treats and leftovers for days, this year we are doing the same and will enjoy the day with our dogs, our cat and my 2 sons. I really think we put ourselves under way to much pressure to provide a feast and heaps of presents that many can ill afford and this stress continues for months whilst trying to pay it off.

- - Sylverflame said
  - 23 Dec 2014
    7:37 pm
I really appreciated this article. We’re facing another crazy Christmas of running around (both my parents and my husbands parents are separated, so that is potentially 4 families to visit), with associated piles of presents for the kids.

It found it a bit sad that probably my most enjoyable Christmas was when hubby was away at work (he was getting home Christmas night from memory), I was heavily pregnant with bub#2 (due early March) and I told everyone that my son and I were staying at Mums for Christmas (she has a/c!) and we weren’t going anywhere else. A few noses were potentially out of joint because we didn’t see them Christmas Day, but I actually got to relax (and have a nap!) and enjoy Christmas for a change. And my son had a blast with Nanny and Poppy (they did too!), and his Aunty when she came for lunch, which for me is what Christmas is all about (spending quality time with family, rather than rushing from one family to another and not spending any time with any of them). And then it was like Christmas again when the kids woke up the next day to find Daddy home

We try to minimise the gifts we give the kids (pretty much for the exact reasons you have mentioned in the article, although I admittedly do get carried away unfortunately), but with such an extended family the kids often end up with piles of things they play with for all of 5 seconds. Gentle requests for people to minimise the gifting have been historically ignored so I’m a little bit anxious as to what is going to happen this Christmas! :-/ And it is so true what you say about the price of the gift not really mattering to the kids! So many times I have watched my kids spend a couple of minutes playing with the contents of the box, only to chuck it aside to spend hours playing with the box itself!

- - kazjl said
  - 23 Dec 2014
    7:32 pm
Wish everyone thought that way. It’s not the kids but the other adults in my family that stress me out. Nothing seems like it’s ever good enough for them. I have next to no money this year so I’ve decided if they don’t like it they can lump it.
Even my kids know it’s the thought that counts.
- kazjl replied
  
  26 Dec 2014 , 9:07 pm
  Christmas was better than expected this year!
- - youngoldlady said
  - 23 Dec 2014
    1:45 pm
Stressing out about Christmas leaves you not enjoying the day. One of our best Christmas as a family was the year we had no money to spend. So lucky we lived in a rural area, the chicken causes the most fuss was Christmas dinner and we had vegies to help with the rest. I had never plucked a chook so ended up taking the skin off as those feathers seemed to stick in there. Turned some of hubbies clothes in to outfits for the boys plus a puppet each and they were really happy. One year one of the boys want a bike and asked if maybe Santa could paint his cousins bike blue that would do. We brought all our children up with Santa’s toys are not free but come at a discounted price, so we still needed money to get them. This they understood and help explain why some other children received expensive presents and they did not.
- mom77031 replied
  
  23 Dec 2014 , 3:54 pm
  So true, as I said, I did learn that Christmas doen’t have to be a stressful event. You painted a great picture of your chicken plucking, gave me a good chuckle. Your attitude is lovely. I wish you a wonderful, Merry Christmas.
  
  Teresa.
- - mom57808 said
  - 23 Dec 2014
    1:18 pm
you are not kidding about Christmas sending you insane… I have just finished buying everything and tomorrow I am going to precook the meat so that I only have to cook the veges and make the salads… be ok if someone helped me hey .. oh well here goes wish me luck
- mom77031 replied
  
  23 Dec 2014 , 3:25 pm
  Good luck! Since i’ve always had a small army to feed, cooking the night before is probably one of the best ideas. I hope your Christmas is stress free, and wonderful. Merry Christmas.
  
  Teresa.