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In most cases, as parents, we’re on board with teachers handing out punishments for misbehaviour in class. But this dad is refusing to accept his son’s after-school detention, and he’s now unsure if he’s done the right thing.

The dad explained that his son George, who turns 13 this month, does really well in school and gets good grades. While he does struggle socially and has been bullied in the past, the situation has improved, even though he’s not a popular kid.

Last week, George was due to present a project he’d been working on, but things didn’t go to plan.

“He had to create a children’s toy and give a sales pitch to the class,” George’s dad said.

“Last Friday was the presentation day, and George was really excited. He’d put a lot of effort into his toy and the presentation.

“But I got a notification saying George had been given an after-school detention, something he’s never received before. As he’d refused to participate in class and didn’t do his presentation. When I picked him up, I could tell immediately that he was upset.

“I asked him what happened and why he didn’t do the presentation. He said he didn’t refuse the presentation; when it was his turn, he asked to go later. His teacher said no, and that he had to do it then or get a detention. George said he, ‘Couldn’t do it now,’ but didn’t explain further when asked, so he was given the detention.”

The dad says he kept pressing George, worried he was being bullied again.

“Eventually, he told me the real reason: he had a random erection just before his turn and, no matter what, it ‘wouldn’t go down’.

“With that info, I think George’s request was perfectly reasonable. He didn’t refuse to do the presentation—he simply asked to do it a little later. Obviously, he didn’t want to explain the reason in front of the whole class when the teacher asked him.”

However, the dad says his ex, George’s mum, was angry at their son for getting a detention.

“I explained what happened and said I didn’t think George was wrong. I said I’m not supporting the detention and would pick him up at the normal time.”

“When I told his mum what happened, she looked disgusted and said something like, “Why did he even have one in class to begin with?” I explained that random erections happen, especially in early puberty, and they don’t always relate to sexual thoughts, which is what she was assuming. She replied, “Well, I’m not sure that’s true,” dismissing what I said. So I told her, “You might not be sure, but I am.”

“She insisted we needed to present a united front, along with the school, and that by going against her, I was sending George the wrong message. I asked why her way of handling it was automatically right and why I should be the one to concede. It escalated into a big argument, which we haven’t had in years.

“She’s saying she is going to punish him for refusing when it’s her week with him next week and that I am being an a**hole for “going against her”. Her mother (my ex-mother-in-law) text me saying I was setting a bad example for George by letting him get away with being disrespectful to his teacher. Which he wasn’t even, just asked to do his presentation later. I respectfully told her she should mind her own business, and that George was my son.”

The dad says he’s now worrying if he’s done the right thing, and needs some ‘outside perspectives’.

So what’s your take on the situation? Let us know in the comments below. 

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  • Definitely the right call but I would be explaining this quietly to the teacher. She should be sensitive to the many things that may be happening with her students and always act appropriately. Your X needs to learn that she doesn’t know everything and maybe she should read up on this before making judgement.

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  • Yep, I think dad did the right thing. The poor kid was in a no win situation here and it was completely involuntary. I would take the teacher aside and quietly explain the problem – if they’ve got a skerrick of sensitivity they’ll cancel the detention. Quite right to tell MIL to butt out.

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  • What a terrible situation for this poor young boy to be in. And what a very uninformed mother he has. Mothers should be aware that this can happen with no sexual arousal at all and should have been affirmative in what the boy’s father was doing. Obviously the father is the more caring of the two or else the judges would not have awarded custody to the father over the mother in this case.

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  • For anyone curious an update has just been posted. George and father had a meeting with the head of year teacher (the teacher that issued the detention wasn’t in attendance). The son has a good relationship with this teacher, and after sharing what happened it was decided no detention would be issued. The relationship with George and his mum isn’t great now. She insisted he still attend the detention, which George obv refused, then blamed the dad for his attitude and said the kid will end up in prison (what the heck). George now doesn’t want to go to his mum’s house for her time.
    TLDR: George doesn’t have detention anymore, head teacher understands teenage boy woes. Mum FAFO and has caused great harm to her relationship with George.


    • Thanks for the update and I’m glad the Dad stood up for his son.

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  • I feel so sorry for the situation the boy got into. He wasn’t being disrespectful just embarrassed. Why not take his son to the teacher and ask for a private chat so his son can explain the real reason. If it’s a male teacher, I’m sure he would understand. I can understand why he didn’t explain in front of everyone as he would probably been bullied again.


    • I am somewhat surprised that handing out detentions still exists for students because it never really worked during my school years and surely does not work now. There are more mature ways to deal with student matters in class and to reach an outcome that works for the teacher and the student. Detention is purely about punishment and not about achieving an outcome that works well for all.

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  • I understand the student refusing to do the presentation when asked by the teacher. I also understand why the teacher gave the student detention.
    The teacher wasn’t to know the students circumstances, and in result dealt a reasonable punishment. Had the teacher known, I can guarantee there would have been no punishment.
    I think if the father explained to the teacher that his son was having a personal matter and doesn’t believe detention is necessary then that’s reasonable, as long as the student does his presentation first – next lesson.
    The mother clearly doesn’t understand the circumstances and should probably reeducate herself on puberty.

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  • I feel terribly sorry for the child in this situation and a surely a detention was unreasonable. A level of understanding by the teacher was needed; surely a side conversation could have been arranged after class. No child should be punished in this situation; a child should not be punished for how their body reacts or be made to feel ashamed of their body.

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  • That’s a very awkward situation to be in. Not anyone’s fault but should speak with the teacher about what’s happened so they understand as well

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  • I think the child had a perfectly reasonable explanation for not wanting to do his presentation then and there. He wasn’t being disrespectful, it was a simple request. If he had of gotten up and everyone saw, then he would have been ostracised even more. I think that the father should maybe send a note to the teacher explaining or speak to her privately and if she can’t take that, then go higher up. An after school detention seems ridiculously over the top anyway.

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  • I think he has to understand that he and his ex are no longer together for a reason and perhaps her attitude was aparrt of that reason.
    Stand your ground. make an appointment to see the teacher and explain to the teacher why he didnt want to do his presentation at that moment in time.

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  • I feel for the boy and think that what the dad is doing is right. It’s sad his ex wife with his ex mil have such little understanding and explain this as disrespectful behaviour (and what has mil to do with it anyway?) I would talk to the teacher or deputy principal, however I could understand if dad and son don’t really want to go into details


    • Thinking about it a little more I would try to speak with the teacher deputy principal whilst trying not to disclose the real reason in detail to them. I would think the son would feel very uncomfortable about that. You could approach the teacher explaining that your son honestly had a very good reason why he asked if he could do his presentation and that you as a father support your son and disagree with the after school detention.

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  • I have never heard of this type of thing happening and having two boys I dread it ever happening to them. The teacher should have had more sensitivity and been more reasonable with the simple request. It’s not like the poor child asked to do it another day. Dad is in the right BUT perhaps take the punishment anyway or speak to the teacher as going against a set punishment without explaining why could be held against them in the future.

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  • The father should speak privately to the teacher and if this teacher does not understand the situation should then go to the headmaster/mistress and explain it to them.
    He should not have been given detention, perhaps if this happens again George should excuse himself to go to the toilet, in a hurry.

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  • This is about the 5th version I have heard of this story over the last few years. Not sure if it really did happen or not tbh. My thoughts are that regardless of what happened, the parents could talk to the teacher about what happened (she teaches 13 year old boys so is aware) and go from there. Perhaps a discussion with ‘George’ on how to speak to the teacher about these types of issues may also help.

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  • Teacher can go jump it will make a life memory for the child that is no good .Nothing a good slap in the face would not fix .I sent my children to a Catholic school and when it was all said and done they new if my family name came up better watch out because pain is coming .Teachers are a short part off life but have to be kept in line .Stick up for your child he will be grateful for life

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  • Why doesn’t dad go to the teacher or principal/head master and explain the situation. Surely they would understand. Then get George to present his presentation to them. Punishing the poor kid is not the answer to having a student willing to learn. Dad is not in the wrong and Mum should be on Dads side so George can feel like both parents support him.

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  • Oh my goodness, poor George, I feel for this child. He was embarrassed and didn’t want to get up. The teacher should not have punished him for this but spoken to him afterwards to see if there was a way he could provide an answer to why he didn’t get up there. I think the teacher went overboard giving him detention for something like this. I would have been furious if this was my child receiving this treatment from the teacher. I also think the mother needs to read up on boys mental growth and be more aware of things her son might experience.

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  • I feel terribly for George. And his mum needs to get her self educated on make puberty. Absolutely pitiful to push back when getting clued in, then to run to her just as ignorant mother. As a woman I can’t say I know what this is like, but I have been told by guys that it’s a terrible time to navigate. I hope the teacher can have some empathy if his dad reaches out and explains.

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