There is more then just one problem here.
The son seriously just needs to stand up to his parents and tell them to pull their heads in and stop being such shitty people.
I could not stand to be involved with a male that wont stand up to protect his partner and children. His parents should be treating him and his wife with respect.

Mercifully, we have no parents (grandparents) to get involved.

Too bad for them I say.

It is not about the grandparents, they need to grow up

Congratulations! Can’t think of any happier news than that of a new Grandbaby…or even the addition to the extended family of a new baby. Sad that self indulgent parents can’t accept that a husband and wife are meant to form their own team for life and should be able to do so with the support and guidance of both sets of parents…not controlling, loving guidance and support, i.e., oh, “Jenny you have been so busy with baby Sam who is teething, can I hang your washing or have a cuddle with my Grandson if you want to take a nap?” That tells Jenny you actually care about both of them and that you understand that life as a Mum can be exhausting but that you’re there and it’s ok to take a nap while Grandma gets to cuddle her Grandchild and hang out washing or empty a dishwasher.
I feel for you that your husband’s parents are so silly and thoughtless, however, they are overseas…perhaps they should just come home to a surprise and if they are shocked that they didn’t know…they probably need to know why they weren’t told. Perhaps their son gets ill because of their reaction and the stress of having to deal with THEM through the pregnancy? Perhaps they need to be told that you didn’t want to stress them and needed to have less stress and upset through the pregnancy yourselves, both of you!
If they arrive home and you are a Mum again or you are ready to deliver…hopefully they’ll get the message and wake up to themselves.
If they don’t want to be a part of their Grandchildren’s lives, more fool them…their loss…sadly it is also a loss for their Grandchildren and for both of you…can’t wait to see my Grandchildren from one visit to the next.

They definitely should not have a say! It is your family and your decision!

I remember dreading telling my parents, my dad didn’t like my partner after his sister (who was married to my brother) caused all sorts of trouble for our family. I told mum and left it to her to tell dad. His response,”She should have an abortion, what sort of life will that baby have?” He came round, ended up buying a few bits and pieces before bub was born. I’ll always remember his initial response tho, nearly broke me

If the pregnant couple are happy with the impending new arrival, the unhappy grandpa seem to be bringing some unnecessary toxicity to the whole situation. Very sad but maybe those apron strings need to be cut forever.

It is none of their business if you want to increase your family or even if it was an accident. You are grown adults and can decide for yourselves.

My ex didn’t want our second and his parents jumped on his bandwagon hence why he is my ex husband

What an awful experience to go through. I can’t imagine anyone would be anything but joyous for a happily married couple to be expecting a baby

The real issue isn’t the unwanted pregancy by the inlaws it’s the hold they have on their son and the hold he, as a grown man is letting them have on him which appears to be why they feel they can have so much influence with him. Deal with that and the other will resolve itself. No one can tell you how to handle this but if I was in this situation, I’d tell my husband to locate his spine in regards to his parents and if he wouldn’t or couldn’t then I’d gladly put them in their place after telling them of the wonderful baby news myself, but that’s just me.

Pfftt … With grandparents like that, my children would grow up without knowing their grandparents. Thankfully my great grandparents and grandparents love their grandchildren. Wish I could see them more. I feel for this mother, but if the grandparents hate the idea so much, and you wanted a child, tough to them.

Wow! What lovely people they must be! Anyway, let it be their problem, not yours. All you need to do is love your new little baby. Maybe even consider cutting the “grandparents” out of your lives. Hard to see how they could be enriching the lives of you and your family!

OMG this is just disgraceful. It says more about them as people than anything about you and your husband. I also know traumatic family experiences are exacerbated when you become a parent yourself, hence perhaps your husband’s reaction. We are estranged from my in-laws to keep my son safe as they’re evil, destructive, and treat him as a pawn. They want to see him at their place, with their rules, etc. and not me. My father-in-law called me a dog. When I have only ever been nice, caring, etc. to them for the 30 years I’ve been in this family. I’ve never been happier now I no longer have anything to do with them.

My sister in law was in this position, it was extremely bad the emotional abuse she copped from the grandmother was awful, which turned into her partner being brain washed by his mother… it was an agonising 9 months the poor girl, now the grandmother is happy she has the child in her life but definitely doesn’t let them forget “they made her a grandmother to young” (mind you her son was in his late 20s) fun times!

We’ve never been in that situation. I had trouble conceiving and all I ever got was positive reinforcement from both sets of parents. The only time his parents should say anything is if he asks them for money because you don’t have enough to feed your family. Don’t say anything and when they find out and want to know why they weren’t told in the first place, tell them the truth how what they say when they find out is hurtful to you both. They might just stop and think then. Good luck and happy pregnancy

What a difficult situation to be in. I find the in-laws quite authoritarians. I find it also quite weird that the vasectomy is discussed just like that. It’ a personal decision. I don’t know. Nobody should feel uncomfortable telling such good news to the family. If they do, maybe it’s better not to say anything. Even if it’s something you can’t keep secret forever, can you?

It’s your lives your family they have not right in interfering with your decisions it is between a husband and wife how many children they want and when enough is enough. How dare they try to say he should have a vasectomy that is between the two of you and they need to but out and your husband needs to put a end to them butting in and he needs to grow some balls and tell them if he had done it years ago then they would know to butt out. They are acting like they are contributing to your household financially and for helping seems that is not part of their lives. He sounds like a whimp complaining about his aches and pains, it must be disappointing for you that he carries on the way he has been. This should of been sorted years ago that he stands up for you and his decision to have a family, you do not need to change for them put it on Facebook or where you want stuff them they need to know your not hiding anything about your news. Look after yourself and be happy with your life and enjoy your family and don’t let them put a damper on your happiness of expecting your new addition.

Not sure why you would discuss a vasectomy with his parents (unless for advice) surely that is a decision to be made by the couple themselves not a broken promise (which he never intended to keep?)

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  • • mom93821 replied
    • 30 May 2020 , 7:02 am

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  I agree, it is a personal decision for partners and surely not for extended members of a family.