When did we stop greeting one another with “Hello” and instead start with “Are they all from the same Daddy?” referring to someone’s children.

As it happens that is a normal, seemingly reasonable, ice breaker from some strangers. And they will ask it regardless of whether my husband is there at the time or not.

I take this question in good spirits as it always makes me laugh. However, the funniest part is that the people asking the question never find it amusing at all when I respond with “I don’t actually know who their fathers are”.

They react with such shock, horror and judgment that they are often too overwhelmed with these feelings to be able to laugh along with me – or reflect on whether their question was an appropriate line to start a conversation with in the first place.

Somehow they find my joke inappropriate yet believe their insensitive question is acceptable. Why is that?

Rollercoaster Of Effort

Relationships are a heck of a lot of hard work. Think about it – picture everything we put ourselves through when embarking on a new one… the time, money- not to mention the emotional roller coaster ride! I really couldn’t put myself through all the effort to be able to attract multiple partners – even the mere thought is exhausting to me!

So yes, all seven children have been fathered by the same man Karen, because in case you haven’t noticed, I couldn’t land a new partner in my stretched out breastfeeding tee, sweatpants, messy hair, face full of overcompensated makeup because I try to hide the fact that I haven’t slept in years. Oh yes, and I haven’t shaved, I should mention that because as we all know, one of the first signs of being in a fresh relationship is that you can actually be bothered shaving… it’s ok though because these sweat pants are the only things that fit me, and they hide it all quite well.

It’s Actually Funny!

I wish the people asking these types of intrusive questions could see the funny side. Maybe if they could see their expression change so dramatically when I stir the pot with my silly reply, they would get the joke and be less mortified at the idea that I didn’t know who fathered my children.

If you are captivating enough that you can attract multiple spouses, and you are organised adequately to manage new relationships, then good on you! Personally, the concept of a new spouse seems like far too much of a challenging exercise for me to endure – they’re just such high maintenance! Realistically it’s just another lunch to pack, dinner to make, occasion to celebrate.

Do I really have the time to start that all over again multiple times with this many kids? And would I be expected to organise a birthday party for a man just because he was one out of the many different fathers I had scored for my kids? Because that really does have the potential to send me broke – seven kids birthdays PLUS each of their daddies! I couldn’t afford so many men, emotionally or financially.

These are all the thoughts and questions that run through my head every time someone asks me how many dads my little ones have.

Thanks For Asking!

On one hand, it’s a massive compliment that people think I am capable of such great feats. But alas no, I have just the one daddy of my children who I have hard enough of a time entertaining, but thanks for asking!

Oh yes, and before you suggest one of the thousands of weight loss solutions you’ve seen on social media Karen, that giant fat roll of mine is actually baby number eight, by the same father, boringly.

Whoever would have thought that one man could be capable of fathering so many children with the same woman? Then again, whoever in their right mind would ever start a conversation with the question of paternity as an icebreaker…

If you were ever asked”who’s the daddy?”, how would you answer? Tell us in the comments below.