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Article Your baby turned 1. Well done.

By Lee-at Jacobson
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63 Comment

Now I am all for celebrating that you have not broken the kid or your marriage by the time your baby turns 1 but do I really have to attend?

Honestly, I hate kids parties.

They’re a bit like bad hens nights. You know the ones.

Awkward conversations with other mums you barely know, forced merriment, random locations and never enough booze. Though I am partial to fairy bread and pots of jelly beans.

Bunting is bulls**t.

I’m always amused at the amount of effort mums put into the 1st birthday party.

Hand-made bloody bunting from Etsy, entertainment (seriously?!), a birthday cake that just screams “look at me, I’m (trying to be) the perfect mother”, and of course a theme. Because the kid at the tender age of 12 months really loves transport. FFS. They’ve only just discovered their elbows.

Present pains

Then there’s present politics. How much to spend? What to buy? What can I re-gift?

You feel compelled to buy some overpriced bloody Lamaze/Baby Einstein squeaky learning thing because you’re all about advancement and learning. Course you are. When really, you know the kid is going to spend more time playing with the wrapping paper than the actual brain cell increasing organic Tibetan wooden music maker that cost more than your paid parental leave would allow.

The event

And so you arrive late (on purpose), shove down organic gummy bears while trying to keep your own kid from licking all the icing from the cupcakes. A random mum starts rabbiting on about her latest Thermomix recipe for buckwheat pancakes (yawn). Claire, Cara, Lara, something like that.

Your husband has of course gotten out of this one. It’s a negotiation and he’s agreed to only attend parties where other men he knows will be in attendance and where cold craft beer is served. So basically he’s never going to any. Thanks.

The getaway

The fancy 5 layered cake is finally brought out. We all sing half heartedly and then the birthday dad starts thanking his wife and everyone he’s ever met. He gets teary. I get mad. It’s too much and my 3rd coffee is starting to wear off so I make our escape.

We’re halfway out the door when the mother runs at me and says “You can’t leave” like some scene from Home and Away. It’s dramatic. “You must take this with you!” and she shoves a bag of lollies, a balloon and custom made cookie in my hand. Like she has some party bag KPI’s to meet.

My kid spots it and lunges at me. Oh good. More sugar.

Can you relate? Please share your thoughts in the comments below.

Image courtesy of Shutterstock.com

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Comments

  • I can’t relate to this because I am probably only ever really invited to a first birthday party if I know the family really well or we have a child of similar age & again know the family really well. Yes some people go a bit over the top but to be honest I think that the mothers and (sometimes) the fathers get the most pleasure from hosting the party. Unless you know the family really well (eg. close family friends) stop going to the parties, you can say no to the invitation.

    Reply

  • Lol lots. Our daughter’s first birthday was just with family. I was happy with that

    • Yeh, the best way I think. Sounds like it was a very special event 🙂

    Reply

  • Ha ha so funny, hey it’s a big thing turning one

    • It sure is! My youngest is 11 weeks and it feels like a million miles away but I know it will be here before we know it.

    Reply

  • Haha! This made me chuckle out loud, thankyou for the laugh before bed!
    While I’m all for people celebrating how they choose, this rings so true for most 1st birthday parties I’ve attended!
    Personally, my little boy will have his family, fairy bread and footy franks. A loungeroom full of balloons and a cake that will turn out a million times worse than I’ve pictured in my head.

    • Love your style! Thank you 🙂

    Reply

  • I love this article… I can relate to so many of these. We have been to so many 1st birthday parties in the past few weeks and I am over them. We had one today and master 2 came home after having way too much sugar and was a nightmare. When Miss 2 months turns 1 I think I’ll just drink some champagne.

    • I’ll drink to that! Good call 😉

    Reply

  • My daughter’s first birthday was lunch at my place with my parents, sibling, and in-laws. To make it more of a celebration there were some balloons attached to a curtain rail and a lovely home-made cake as well as lots of cupcakes. That’s it! It was a lovely get-together and as special to me as any fancy party.

    • Sounds like a special and intimate celebration 🙂

    Reply

  • None of my children did this as I think this is a private thing. As the child does not know what a party is, i think it is for the parents benefit only.

    Reply

  • 1st Birthdays are very special in our house.

    Reply

  • I love first birthday parties and celebrating with friends and family.

    Reply

  • My kids 1st birthdays were small celebrations with family. I made the cake myself. The entertainment was the kids playing with each other. No party bags. But most guests took home a piece of cake, just so we weren’t eating it for the next week. I think parents go over board with birthdays now and it’s all for their benefit, big the kids, bit sad really

    • Home made cake is always delicious!

    Reply

  • An interesting read,you tell it like it is my friend!

    Reply

  • I never enjoyed grand style birthday parties. I like them to be simple and being surrounded just by people you really care about. We had a birthday party when my daughter turned 1, but nothing fancy. There were something like 15 people, kids included. I had a small jumping castle in the garden where the kids played and a sandpit. My daughter was walking and enjoying staying with them. No party bag at that time! But I prepared them in the following years, trying to limit the sweets as much as possible.
    What I don’t like at birthdays, are really the party bags. So much sugar, so many lollies… I don’t like it! 😀

    • Party bags are crazy these days!

      • Yes! After some errors the first years 😉 I decided not to put anymore food inside, preferring some small toys instead, like a balloon helicopter.

    Reply

  • The first year always the hardest and most amazing

    • Totally agree. Its a wild ride!

    Reply
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