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A mum-of-one says she’s been left hurt and confused, after a friend commented that only women with more than one child are ‘proper’ mums.

The mum took to an internet forum to gauge opinions on the touchy subject, after she was left wondering if she was being over-sensitive, or if she had a right to be annoyed by the statement.

“Met up this week with four mum friends – we were all in the same mum and baby yoga class when we were all new first time mums and have kept in touch since, mostly by WhatsApp but we try and catch up a few times a year,” the mum-of-one explained.

“Our first kids have all recently turned four. They have all had at least one more since then, and two of them are pregnant with third babies. I only have one, despite our best efforts (it took us a while to conceive our daughter and we’re 18 months into trying for a second, and probably going to have to stop soon because age isn’t on our side and we don’t have money for IVF).”

The dinner discussion soon turned to parenting issues, but the subject mainly centred around juggling the demands of more than one child.

“During our meal there was a lot of chat about sibling dynamics, pregnancy with a toddler, the challenges of managing the needs of two kids at once etc etc, and also about the activities they’ve been up to together whilst on their overlapping second maternity leave, all of which is understandable although left me feeling pretty left out.

“However, one of them (the one with the youngest second child in the group) made a passing comment which really stuck with me, which was that, ‘You aren’t really a proper mum until you have two’. Her point was that if you haven’t had to manage two kids simultaneously and deal with their competing needs and personalities, then you haven’t done the hardest part of parenting and so you’re not a legitimate parent. The others didn’t really seem to disagree with her on this.”

The mum says she was too taken aback by the comment to say anything at the time, as she was already feeling isolated by the topic of discussion,

“But the comment has stuck with me over the past few days and I can’t help but dwell on the idea that this is what everyone thinks and that I’ll never be a proper mum because we’ll only ever have one kid, and it’s really left me feeling low (my period rocking up as scheduled probably hasn’t helped matters).

“Part of me just want to fade away from the group as I’ll never meet their threshold of being a ‘real’ mum and it’ll only get worse as they all have more kids.”

She’s now asking if the comment was insensitive, or she should just move and stop being over-sensitive on because her friends were only being honest.

Share your opinion in the comments below!

  • I would have laughed out loud at such a silly and pointless comment! There is no ranking or list or rules about the number of children needed to be a mum or parent. It sounds like the discussion was a competition for who is the busiest which can be such a pointless conversation.

    Reply

  • Well this is clearly ridiculous. I have three kids, and I’ll agree it’s a different kind of parenting to when I had one. But a mum wiht one kid is still a proper mum!

    Reply

  • I really hope this mum is able to ignore such foolish comments and not take it to heart. Some people have as much depth as a puddle and can’t help but sound ignorant. It sounds like someone who is so absorbed in their own situation they can’t see others around them. Very ‘i have it toughest’ attitude

    Reply

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