DNA Does Not Automatically Make A Parent

This is for all the step parents, foster parents, adopted parents, and anyone caring for a child that is not biologically their own.

I always hear women talk about the miracle of childbirth, the pain and how wonderful it is to meet the little person that has been growing inside them.

I’m sure it must be amazing, but I have never experienced it.

Just because someone has given birth to a child or had their DNA in the making of the child, does this make them a parent? And because I haven’t had the privilege, does this mean I am not a parent?

I met my little girl when she was 3 years old, not too long later her mother abandoned her for drugs.

Yes, quite tragic but this little one was amazing and I helped to look after her for periods at a time. She loved to be cuddled, she loved to sing and she loved to play any game that one could make up.

I found myself falling in love with her, and it wasn’t long before I wished I could spend every moment with her.

Although for reasons I won’t mention, this was not possible, but my husband and I included her in everything from our wedding to our holidays, as much as possible.

She really did become our little girl. She loved spending time with us just as much as we loved spending time with her.

When we would pick her up, she’d be waiting by the window watching out, and when we’d drop her off there would be tears. We had them too but didn’t let them go until we’d driven away.

There have been times we’ve had to take her to and from school, help her with homework, clean up vomit and changed the sheets.

What do you think? Am I a parent?

DNA is a genetic code that decides the colour of your eyes and the size of your nose. If you share your DNA with a child, it does not automatically make you a parent. You probably have a greater chance of being a parent but like any of us, with the responsibility of a child thrust upon us, we become parents.

When the needs of a child become more important than ‘what are we doing this weekend’, and loving them is your whole world, you have become a parent.

I have never been pregnant, I have never given birth or shared my DNA with another, but I AM A PARENT.

Image courtesy of Shutterstock.com

76 Comments

- - mom454032 said
  - 20 Apr 2020
    3:39 pm
I agree! I come from a family where my dad isn’t actually my dad but to me he is the only father figure I know ! Blood doesn’t always make them your parent! It’s so much more then that

- - mom462038 said
  - 03 Apr 2020
    10:21 am
Have to agree wholeheartedly with this article. I know a lot of fabulous parents who aren’t actually related. There are some great step parents around

- - Allyssasmumma said
  - 01 Apr 2020
    8:51 am
A parent is someone who is there for the child in every way, one that supports the child in every way, one who is willing to do anything for that child. You don’t have to give birth to the child to make it your own, you also don’t have to be the one to help create that child (males). There are so many biological parents that have children that do nothing for those children, don’t support them, don’t raise them etc. It’s those who are there for those children and support those children and are there 24/7 for those children and who love those children that make them the real parents. Yes people that create the child may be the biological parents, but that doesn’t make them a mum or dad.

- - mom460322 said
  - 05 Mar 2020
    9:13 pm
It’s a hard role to step into but alot of people do it without hassle

- - Quackers said
  - 02 Feb 2020
    8:47 am
I call the biological father of my daughter a sperm donor, because he might as well have been that anyway.
My girl has been calling my husband daddy since she started talking. She chose to do that herself without any coaching. The bond those two created is 100% a parent and child bond even though they don’t share blood.
It takes effort to be a parent.

- - mom362408 said
  - 20 Jan 2020
    11:27 pm
its so hard being in a situation where you cant rescue them 100% but i garentee that she would see you more as parents then her own, i sure would, DNA doesnt make you a parent, acting like a loving caring parent does. you are both doing something so wonderful for this child.

- - Petal53 said
  - 16 Jan 2020
    9:50 pm
You are a parent through and through – an angel in disguise. I’ve known so many biological parents of children who couldn’t care less whether the child was there or not; and I’ve also known people just like you who are more of a parent to a child than their biological parents.

- - melisa said
  - 11 Jan 2020
    2:59 am
This brought tears to my eyes. Both you and your husband are 100% that little girls parents. I’ve always said family isn’t in your blood it’s who is there for you and with you through thick and thin. My child has a step father and he is more a father to her than her own biological father is. You’re right DNA determines our eye colour, our features and our family history but it doesn’t make you a parent. Thank you for giving that beautiful little girl a mother and father ????

- - Blossom said
  - 08 Jan 2020
    3:25 pm
Through a close relative of mine doing a DNA test last year he found relatives he didn’t know existed. There was an 80% chance of a match. One member of this couple may even be a distant relative of this little girl.

- - ThisIsMe said
  - 27 Dec 2019
    5:10 pm
Totally agree, being a parent is all not about DNA but the LOVE. Unfortunately some people cannot conceive so this doesn’t make them any less of a parent if they adopt or foster etc. I feel for the women not being able to have the beauty of pregnancy and feel the kicks etc because it is amazing but just because they can’t doesn’t mean they are not a parent. I think those people probably make better parents and give so much love to children even if it is not by DNA they are amazing and the joy and love they can give is a beautiful thing. Many people can “have a baby” and be a “mum” or “dad” but it takes a special person to be a “parent” and a good one too!

- - nswelise said
  - 20 Dec 2019
    4:31 am
I’m a step parent and love my step children as much as my biological children. This is a beautiful article

- - momnicole16 said
  - 05 Dec 2019
    11:27 pm
100% agree. There are parents that give birth to/are biologically related and then there a parents who are angels in disguise like yourself

- - nealsq said
  - 02 Dec 2019
    9:16 pm
yes, I would call you a parent. I am a biological and a step parent and I treat my step kids the same as my own, I love them, I help them, I care for them, I make them do chores, I discipline, I listen to them and I respect them.

- - ness said
  - 02 Dec 2019
    5:45 pm
This is a touching story. Thank-you for helpinv to cate for her. Truely soeakd to your character.

- - mom322089 said
  - 27 Nov 2019
    12:26 pm
definitely food for thought.

- - mom183888 said
  - 21 Nov 2019
    10:33 pm
Couldn’t agree more, you definitely are – biological takes someone only so far and you have been there to raise and support your child

- - mom152736 said
  - 20 Nov 2019
    10:37 am
love the spirit. of course she is a parent…a wonderful parent.

- - Mum2archer said
  - 14 Nov 2019
    11:04 am
This article is brilliant and very true. Love it

- - kdgizzmo said
  - 01 Nov 2019
    3:09 pm
Of course you are. She sounds like she has amazing parents who love her to bits. What a lucky young lady

- - Jbuttxx said
  - 17 Oct 2019
    6:59 am
I 100% agree with this!! Amazing article.