Hello!

Eight years ago I put my kids into a sport that could grow a bond between the kids and their father. My kids are now teenagers and my son is constantly being yelled at by his father. My son missed out on getting to state, and ever since then he is constantly telling him off for all the time and expenses that have been wasted. I want to take my son out of the sport completely because he cries after speaking to his Dad. I’m not sure what to do, any advice would be appreciated.


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  • I think as a teenager your son should be the one to decide if he plays the sport or not. And I agree with the comment below about your son’s dad.


  • To be honest I find dad’s response with ‘constantly telling his son off for all the time and expenses that have been wasted’ is rather toxic !


  • Sometimes parents can have high expectations of their kids. They need to remember they’re just kids and being alive, healthy and happy are things which should be the most important over being the best at XYZ…
    Maybe get the dad to watch that Disney movie, Turning Red as this totally reminds me of it and the pressures parents put on their kids!


  • I would ask my son if he still wanted to continue with the sport and winning isn’t the reason for playing sports in the first place. As long as they’re enjoying it should be all that matters. Your husband needs to pull his head in. He’s probably one of those yelling parents on the sidelines and that’s completely unacceptable! Sounds like he’s got a problem. Sit him down and tell him he’s not going to your son’s sports anymore. I find his attitude disturbing. But ask your son first before even approaching the father.


  • I’m sorry but that sounds like a poor attitude on Dad’s behalf that I would be pulling him up on ASAP. Punishing your kids for trying their hardest is a sure fire way for your kids to develop anxiety around trying new things and the fear of failure. Please reassure your son that you understand he tried his hardest and encourage him to continue if he feels he wants to. I love competitive sport for children as I believe having a drive to do something plus learning to lose are essential, though parents attitudes can ruin it for everyone.


  • That’s very sad, the pressure to perform can be so funest.
    I agree, have a chat with dad and son.
    Try to find out what your son wants; does he like the sport ? does he want to continue or discontinue ? How are his feelings towards his relationship with his dad ?
    I would discuss with the dad how his behaviour impacts his son and if he’s aware of that.


  • Are you and the Dad still together? This really sounds like a poor attitude on Dad’s part. If your son is enjoying it, regardless of what he achieves, then that should be enough.


  • Have a hard talk with the Dad. Unacceptable.
    Have a good talk with your son and ask him what he wants.


  • To put it bluntly, their father needs therapy. Imagine being a kid and walking on eggshells because you’re afraid your dad is going to go off at you. To feel like you’ve failed in his eyes because you didn’t meet his athletic expectations. If your kids want to continue their current sport you need to take over the parent role and tell your husband to back off until he can control himself. Or find something else that they like separate to his interests.


  • I am so sorry this is happening to your son. The father should not be doing this, putting a kid down because he didn’t make it to state is unacceptable and will affect him for life. Have you spoken to the father to see why he puts his son down and speaks to him in this way? I would be of the same opinion and would take my child out too. Kids go through enough in life and don’t need parents yelling at them over things like this. I am sure your son did his best – not everyone can make it to state for sports.


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