How Do You Stay Positive For Your Kids in a Bad Situation?

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I had major spinal surgery 18 months ago in which I almost died. It was a horrible experience and a very rough and painful recovery. After a huge increase in pain, the surgeon ordered an MRI. I have broken screws, failed fusion, 7 bulging discs and a spinal cord displacement. All of which will require more surgery and I have been told that it will be a lot more risky this time.

Everyone keeps telling me I have to stay positive and put on a brave face for my kids (aged 5 & 7) but I just don’t know how to do it. I feel defeated.

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- - Ellen said
  - 13 Jan 2021
    9:09 am
Aw bless you Mandi2406 ! I can imagine you felt scared and defeated. I agree with the other posters that we don’t have to hide our feelings or pretend to our children, by being real to them we give an important example. I truly hope the surgery went well ?
- - serotonin said
  - 02 Apr 2019
    4:24 pm
It’s a tricky one. Such a terrible situation to be in, I’m so sorry. I think you should be free to show your emotions, and explain them, so long as you don’t terrify them. Bottling things up isn’t good and only teaches them that showing negative emotion is a no-no.
- - mom160421 said
  - 27 Mar 2019
    2:22 pm
Oh my, I feel so sad for you. I think it’s okay to show your children that your not feeling very well as they know that it will take time but you will get better.
- - curlytops said
  - 22 Jul 2018
    11:17 am
This is tough and it is hard to feel strong. Maybe you have to talk about your feelings with someone – a close friend, partner, family member or even a councillor as you need to get your head around the trauma you have suffered from the first operatoin – as sometimes that is excess baggage preventing us from moving forward to feel strong again. Good luck
- - misscate1987 said
  - 09 Jul 2018
    10:22 am
You don’t have to be brave or positive. Let your children see raw emotion. Let them learn that it’s ok to feel these things. You might have to explain things On an easier level of understanding but by all means don’t hide away how you feel. It’s ok to be scared. Make sure you surround yourself and your family with love and people who love you and can support you through this difficult time.
- - mom67623 said
  - 05 Jul 2018
    7:28 am
You have been through such a lot and when came to read your story, must have been ment to be as I have to have spine surgery it scared me at what happened to you, but I am in so much pain when I walk or stand still as disc pressing on blood vessel and nerve.
I am older than you, but each day I say to myself here is one more day to enjoy. I also do meditation,art and poetry which take my mind off the pain. Take time for yourself and do something you enjoy.. Even if you play board games or play with kids it makes you feel better doing something nice. One day at a time is how I go..Hope this helps you on your healing journey