Helping a child through separation anxiety

Separation anxiety is a very normal experience during early childhood, usually occurring for a period of time between six months of age and four years old.

Children become attached to their main parents or carers when they learn they can provide the love and attention they need. So when a child is old enough to know that they can be away from their carers, they can begin to worry and have separation anxiety.

In early childhood, your child is only aware of the present so they can’t anticipate being reunited with you and this leaves the child with even more worry. However, this feeling ceases when your child grows older they can grow to understand from past experiences that they will be reunited with you or another carer and so will become more confident when separated.

For the time being, here are some tips that can help you and your child ease separation anxiety.

Have a consistent primary caregiver or nanny

Children can become attached to, and feel safe with more than one person but this usually only occurs with a handful of people that the child is close and spends lots of time with.

If using a nanny or babysitter, try to find one that your child feels safe and comfortable with and stick with that one person. This will minimise your child’s anxiety and worries.

Try a familiar object

Something as simple as ensuring that your child keep a familiar object, either one of theirs, such as their favourite toy or something of yours such as a bag or a handkerchief with your perfume on it, can keep them feeling calm and secure when you’re not there.

Say “goodbye, I love you” each time and don’t look back

Saying something along the lines of “goodbye, I love you” each and every time, allows for your child to gradually understand the concept of rituals, knowing that he or she will see you again and that this is a normal, everyday routine.

Practice separation

Practicing separation can help your child prepare for actually being away from you. Games like hide and seek are great as they’re not only fun but can also build a child’s confidence when by themselves for a period of time.

Reassure your child that they are okay and will see you again soon

Telling your child that they are okay and will see you again soon can help them relax and enjoy the time spent away from you without worrying about whether you’re coming back or not.

95 Comments

- - lynzstevo said
  - 14 Aug 2013
    3:20 pm
I really like the new show on abc2 Daniel Tiger, and the messages it has for kids. They sing the ‘grown ups come back’ song, and I sing it to my 2 and 4 year old if they get anxious about me leaving them.
- earthlydelites replied
  
  15 Aug 2013 , 8:03 pm
  thats a great song! really helps them deal with separation!
- - sallty said
  - 08 Aug 2013
    7:56 am
Really glad we’ve never had to go through this. It must be really difficult.

- - a-edwards said
  - 24 Jul 2013
    3:18 pm
My daughter struggled with anxiety after I tried One day care session! Clearly never went back
- missangela replied
  
  24 Aug 2013 , 7:13 pm
  So did my daughter it took time.
- - earthlydelites said
  - 23 Jul 2013
    9:01 am
omg I feel so bad for those kids who have separation anxiety, you know they get over it and are eventually fine but it breaks your heart!

- - rachkap said
  - 22 Jul 2013
    3:49 am
I can feel the pain it must be terrible!

- - dannielle japp said
  - 29 Jun 2013
    7:54 pm
im lucky my son doesnt have that much anxiety seperation its more me lol

- - jenyl said
  - 26 Jun 2013
    5:59 pm
This is helpful. I’m going back to work soon and am dreading the day I have to leave bub in daycare.

- - zowieh said
  - 24 Jun 2013
    9:27 pm
my son wont even come to me if his dad has him. When he gets up he looks for his dad (who is at work) and screams literately all day til he comes home.

- - mstar said
  - 23 Jun 2013
    11:00 pm
Mine is not too fussed when left with family

- - lovi said
  - 19 Jun 2013
    1:40 pm
I think I have worse separation anxiety than my daughter ever did lol

- - grahamb said
  - 10 Jun 2013
    4:13 pm
my son is nearly 1 and is going through separation anxiety. He will be going to daycare soon so I’ll take on board some of the tips.

- - azmaz said
  - 07 Jun 2013
    4:41 pm
its almost as hard for the parents sometimes! thankyou for some useful tips.

- - katelt said
  - 03 Jun 2013
    2:28 pm
dreading the first time she is away from both of us, absolutley dreading it! I reckon she will be fine – don’t know about me though!

- - redsage said
  - 03 Jun 2013
    12:58 pm
So important to have your children in different situations and confident enough to handle them without the need to grab hold of you!

- - mouse said
  - 02 Jun 2013
    12:49 pm
A great read and very handy. A lot of children suffer this when their parents are all they really come into contact with

- - stass1 said
  - 31 May 2013
    9:00 pm
an interesting read thanks for sharing

- - jodiem17 said
  - 31 May 2013
    5:14 pm
So hard to get through, my bub is a valcro baby and he wil not let me go unless with daddy or grandma, I know we will get passed this stage but definitely hard

- - wonda said
  - 31 May 2013
    1:11 am
This is one of the toughest ‘phases’ to get through I think.
- lovi replied
  
  23 Jun 2013 , 12:41 pm
  I so agree – if she even looked like she was going to get upset I would rush back to her – I was awful!!
- - broke said
  - 30 May 2013
    6:28 pm
great advise

- - tanya goulding said
  - 29 May 2013
    10:48 pm
I’m dreading going back to work in a few months and so worried about this. I play netball once a week and he knows what goes on each week now and hangs off my leg! I have to always sneak out without saying goodbye, thanks for the tips I will need all the help I can get soon!!