I’m sorry but no one places a hand on my child. She needs to lay the law down with her husband and father in law and tell them if he does she’ll go straight to the police. It sounds like her father in law as got away with this kind of abuse before and if he doesn’t have any contact with her child good. He doesn’t seem to be a person that should be around young children.

First thought I had reading this article is that grand parents have no business disciplining their grand children, let alone smacking them. Second thought is that grand parent should respect the boundaries of the parents at all time. The bigger issue here is that the partner thinks that his wife is unreasonable and that smacking is an effective way to discipline. In fact this couple should first talk with each other and get on one line

I truly think that this should be a deal breaker. If someone touches your child without your consent, no matter who it is or what they think they’re doing, they should never be allowed near your child again. This is especially true if it’s violent, like smacking. Definitely no unsupervised access.

Along with my other comment below about smacking or any type of physical discipline being a hard no! There would be a firm discussion about the partner stepping up and being a supportive partner and protective father and being actively involved in the situation. Parents need to protect their children from smacking and physical discipline.

Wow..there is a lot here to unpack.
Firstly … your husband agrees with his Dad that smacking is a good teaching aid? If this is correct then your issues are more than just his Dad. How are you planning on preventing your husband smacking your daughter and what do you plan to do there if he does?
Your husband saying its you that needs to talk to his father is so wrong and very weak on his part. You are married and should be working together as a team and not against each other.

I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this. Your father in law has no right to punish your children. Your husband needs to talk to him and take your side on this. If he won’t stop being abusive restrict his visits to only supervised

Wow what a terrible situation to be in. I’d be so upset if my husband didn’t back me up. It’s not okay for the father-in-law to smack your kids, especially when you have asked him not to and it’s caused trouble in the past. I wouldn’t leave him alone with the kids as he clearly doesn’t have respect for your wishes.

Wow! I understand this mum’s concerns as I surely would be concerned too. Where is the father-in-law’s wife, I wonder if she is aware of the situation? I would talk to her. And the husband should step up and be proactive in supporting his wife. I would keep a close eye on the kids in direct contact with the father-in-law.

It is important to have boundaries and if anyone dares to break them they lose all respect and damage the relationship. If anyone had ever smacked my children when they were little they would have been denied all access. We stopped our children from seeing a relative that was incredibly negative and toxic.

Oh my this is not a good situation to be in. It is important to have the conversation before you are even in the situation. It will be a hard one to have but it is obviously very important to you that they respect your wishes for your daughter. I wouldn’t hold off mentioning this and act before he actually does hit her. Just express your opinion towards smacking in the conversation when you are asked about your daughter and try and keep it light but to the point. Good luck mumma.

Oh dear! I definitely understand how this poor mumma feels! It’s easy to say how she and the husband should handle it but it’s harder when it is your own actual family!
Firstly I think it’s important that both husband and wife get on the same page. Hubby clearly doesn’t have an issue with it as he was raised being smacked and this is causing a divide between them. I think they need to sit down and explain to each other why they both feel the way that they do. Perhaps even a counsellor or someone could be a middle man or provide some education on smacking and what study’s show etc. take the personal part out of it and look at the logic. She could also ask how he would feel if someone else smacked their child (not his own father) and perhaps he would feel differently and see how she feels it is abusive.
I personally was smacked growing up and had to go through a similar experience to this lady so I understand how difficult it is but hopefully if they can both work together as a team they can sort out how they want their child raised and set some gentle early boundaries. I feel for her and wish her luck,

Firstly I think the husband needs to step up and speak to his father about it, if he doesn’t then I would step up and talk to him and express my feelings regarding it. If he doesn’t accept and respect my feelings on it then I would personally cut him out. No one puts a hand on my children and if they can’t respect that then they don’t have rights to see my children.

I really think it is her husband’s job to communicate with his parents and set boundaries. She needs to speak with her husband more than her father-in-law.

Because of the language and cultural barriers, the mum may be better trying to find actual German language articles from a German institute of some sort that backs up the point that smacking a child is not good for the child. The father-in-law might be more receptive.

In regards to the smacking I agree this is not acceptable. You could search for some articles about the damaging effects of smacking and discuss this with your husband. You could also use Google translate to translate this article from English into German and ask your in laws to read and discuss this before having contact with your kids again.

Aw bless , this situation is more complex due to the fact that this mums husband thinks that smacking is an effective discipline and takes sides with his dad.
Personally I think that grandparents have no business in disciplining their grandkids and should respect the boundaries set by the parents.
So it’s most important that you address the issue with your husband whilst also making a boundary clear to your FIL. You could ask your SIL how she formulated it.

It’s a hard one with the wimpy husband and the language barrier. I would just not leave my child there and only visit with her. Be ready to step in if the grandfather raises a hand. It really is up to the husband to stand up to his father and set boundaries.

I hav To agree with this mumma. No one should be laying a hand on your child regardless if family or not. I would rather hurt their feelings and protect my children at all costs. Be honest and open and if it doesnt stop, set the boundaries you need to, to protect them.

I would not allow anyone to touch my baby! No one can physically or mentally abuse my baby! First, it doesn’t matter what the old bloke used to do to his kids, this is your baby, which means – your rules that other people should follow and respect! Your husband has to be on your side at all times.

Yikes, this poor mum has a husband problem. He’s too concerned about rocking the boat with his parents than to protect his child from unnecessary, cruel punishment. I could go on and on about how damaging and poor form it is as a punishment, but I’m sure we all know it already. If I was this mum I would make sure the fil didn’t get contact without me being there to ensure it doesn’t happen.