How to survive when your husband goes away for work

My husband is a shearer, with this being seasonal, sometimes he has to go away and follow the work.

For me, during these times, I tend to go into some sort of meltdown. Left at home with four kids, there is always a feeling of dread. It’s not just the fact that I miss him when he is away, of course I do, but it’s the knowledge of getting no relief from the kids that tends to traumatise me a more than the idea of loneliness.

It’s not that I see him much anyway during the week, he starts early and generally finishes late, plus he usually does some sort of farm work on the weekends, so he’s sort of missing inaction then too, but it’s just knowing that he will be coming home at night that gets me through.

My kids are great, but sometimes even good things you need in moderation. In all honesty, by the time it is 8 o’clock, I’m more than ready for them to go to bed!

So this problem of my husband going away for work was plaguing me a little. Every time he would tell me he had a ‘couple of weeks up north’ I’d immediately start panicking, and for someone who actually suffers from panic attacks every now and again, this was not good.

Eventually I realised I had to change my attitude about it. I knew I needed to look at this time from a different angle, to not only get through it, but to actually ENJOY it as well!

Here are my tips for getting through those times when you are left to hold the fort:

Make a list

Plot out all the things you need to get done or have been meaning to get done, or even things that you wish you could do.

By making a list you can visually see all the things that you can do to fill up your week and help make time slip by that little bit faster.

Perhaps include on that list all the things you want to do but can’t when your fella is home, like secretly clearing out his man cave.

Catch up on your favourite shows

Ok this sounds a little silly, but I NEVER get to watch what I want to watch on TV. Never. My kids commandeer it during the day (Peppa Pig anyone?) and my husband comes home from work and channel surfs like Kelly Slater.

So when he is away, I now use this time to watch all the silly girly movies I want and drool over Channing Tatum.

Have a major tidy up

I don’t know why but I always do this when my husband goes away. Maybe it’s like some form of therapy? I will go through all the cupboards in the house, drag everything out and systematically make three piles:

Things to keep
Things to donate
Things to throw away.

It is also good to go through all the kids clothes and work out what needs to be binned, what can be handed down and then make a list of all the things they will need for the coming season.

Craft/Write/Read/Bake.

Whatever it is that floats your boat this is the perfect time to either get back into your favourite hobby, or find a new one.

Spoil yourself and take some time out just for you.

I spend all my time writing, taking photos and working on my blog anyway, because that is my passion, so I find that I’m allowed a little more time to devote to this because I can let other areas slip a little when hubby is away…..like not having to do his washing, not having to make big meals (the kids are happy with pasta), and nor do I tidy up the mess the kids make quite so fanatically when he is away. I turn it in to a little break for me.

Pamper yourself

Probably the best thing I do, and the one I look forward to the most (which in turn gives me a reason to actually look forward to my husband being away, instead of completely dreading it), is treat myself to either a shopping trip, a massage, a facial or a lovely lunch out.

As mums we tend to put ourselves last all the time, so it’s nice to make this time a little special. Go on. You know you want to!

Do you enjoy or dread it when your partner or husband go away? Share in the comments below.

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23 Comments

- - ChiWren said
  - 02 Oct 2024
    2:22 pm
There is a chance my husband may do some locum work in the new year, and it will be the first time he will work away while having a baby in the house. It’s a bit daunting. I know I’ll have more than en
- ChiWren replied
  
  02 Oct 2024 , 2:23 pm
  Enough tasks to keep busy**
- - mom81879 said
  - 30 Sep 2015
    7:41 am
I love time away from hubby. But he didn’t go away regularly for work, just trips away with the boys. Me and the kids live it up

- - Carolineb said
  - 05 Aug 2015
    7:03 pm
Before my son came I enjoyed when DH was away on business, it meant I had the bed to myself and didn’t have to hear him snoring.
Now my son is here I don’t enjoy it as much, it is more that I won’t be able to have a few moments to myself unless he is asleep.
Kudos to all those singles mums out there.

- - christial said
  - 29 Jun 2015
    9:08 pm
I dread it but enjoy it at the same time. I love having the bed to myself but then I have to do all the kiddy duties.

- - tinakraja said
  - 27 Apr 2015
    7:52 am
I dread the girls Dad going to work in the morning sometimes, hes only gone 9 hours and by the time he gets home, we have had 600 meltdowns and a gazillion rows about dolls, blankets, knickers and visible bum cheeks. I cannot imagine doing it 24/7 alone. so well done mums good work.

- - mom56312 said
  - 25 Apr 2015
    9:36 am
Not Something i have ever had to worry about dealing with myself, But i have a friend who does I honestly think she is a amazing mum she is stronger than most other mums i know. Someone i really admire. If only we could all be a little more like that.
She has gone through heart ache, Birth of children, loss of family members moving house etc all while hubby is away for long periods of time. When he is home he is the perfect dad and husband giving her sometime off etc… She says its how she grew up with her dad away for long periods of time at work. So its something she has lived with all her life.

- - eviejude said
  - 14 Apr 2015
    9:55 pm
As I’m the working parent – hubby stays at home – we haven’t really experienced this. When our daughter was in prep there was a deal on the Indian Pacific train that a child could travel for free with a paying adult. So during the school holidays, they flew to Perth, caught the train through to Adelaide and finally Sydney and then flew back from there. It was quite strange being at home by myself for the first time in years. But I actually quite liked it. I could watch whatever I wanted on TV, I could eat dinner later and so on. But I did miss them terribly. And it probably wasn’t the best idea to watch The Time Traveller’s Wife movie because it is about a husband, wife and daughter. I ended up bawling my eyes out!

- - smiles said
  - 07 Apr 2015
    11:36 am
Hubby used to go away often but with the kids it was always busy it was not a time that I would be able to have some time for myself.

- - mom93821 said
  - 21 Mar 2015
    12:32 pm
An interesting perspective on being alone, thanks for sharing your story. It really does depend on individual personality types and whether you like alone time or need people; both are fine. I crave and love alone time as it makes the time together even sweeter.

- - grayza said
  - 16 Mar 2015
    9:39 pm
I really admire the Mums in this situation it must be very lonely at times and stressful when the children are sick or something is wrong with the car or the house. To the ladies in these situation be strong and know that people are thinking of you and I hope you have some family back up if possible. I know what the noises at night are like I used to sleep with a light on.
- Amber Rhodes replied
  
  19 Mar 2015 , 3:41 pm
  So true, thank you for your lovely words of support!
- - mom57522 said
  - 16 Mar 2015
    9:30 pm
Hubby used to work away and the worse thing for me was the re-adjustment when he did come home. No sooner was it back to ‘normal’ and then he’d be off again.
- Amber Rhodes replied
  
  19 Mar 2015 , 3:43 pm
  Yes! I totally understand this! Sometimes my husband has weeks of shearing away, and he comes home for the weekends, then is off again, and after weeks of this it completely mucks up the system!
- - cherz said
  - 16 Mar 2015
    6:54 pm
glad to hear you have turned things around and are happy. sending the best of wishes to you and your family..
- Amber Rhodes replied
  
  19 Mar 2015 , 3:44 pm
  Thank you!
- - mom113055 said
  - 16 Mar 2015
    3:53 pm
sounds great

- - mom107723 said
  - 16 Mar 2015
    10:55 am
I was in that position for a good part of the children’s young lives, (No facebook back then) and it is a very lonely time, but also a great bonding time eith the kids because we were all a team and did things together.
- Amber Rhodes replied
  
  19 Mar 2015 , 3:46 pm
  So true! It is always good to look at any situation in a positive light. I guess the one really missing out is the husband who has to go away. Can’t be much fun for them either.
- - mom117219 said
  - 16 Mar 2015
    9:09 am
it is the harder part of life without partner, good tips to follow to reduce the loneliness.
- Amber Rhodes replied
  
  19 Mar 2015 , 3:47 pm
  Thank you!
- - tammykilby said
  - 16 Mar 2015
    8:13 am
I hate it because I hate being alone in the house with out him, as at night every little noise scares me.
- Amber Rhodes replied
  
  19 Mar 2015 , 3:49 pm
  Same here! Once when he was away I had a police helicopter land at night in the school directly behind our house, plus there was a second helicopter circling around…scared the pants off me!!