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It’s not uncommon for mums to wonder how they could ever love a second child as much as they love their first … but most of us are ashamed to admit it. One mum has bravely shared her honest feelings about falling out of love with her first child, and it’s prompted an outpouring of support.

Calling herself a ‘horrible parent’ the mum-of-two says her son was her entire world for 10 years, but since the recent arrival of her daughter she feels differently.

“I love my son, he was my world for 10 years and we did everything together. He is a wonderful person and I’m so proud of him,” she explained on reddit.

“However since my daughter was born … I find myself being massively irritated by my son. As soon as he talks I just wish he wouldn’t. He is always asking for things and demanding my attention for trivial things (or though not trivial for him). He wakes the baby accidentally and I feel so much anger and fury.

“I don’t know why I’ve lost interest in him. I don’t know why I’m so frustrated and annoyed by him. I used to think he was the best thing ever, but now I can’t wait till bed time and he is leaving me alone.

“I do my best to make sure he doesn’t sense this. I never tell him to not talk or go away or anything like that. I force myself to do one to one activities with him and spend time with him. Even though I find it exhausting.”

“I feel guilt constantly. Why has this happened? Why have my feelings change so quickly? I can spend time effortlessly with my baby but with him it’s like pulling teeth. He is a wonderful child, funny, smart and engaging – so why?

“Please someone help. Give me some strategies to rebuild the connection and empathy I had for him. How do I not get irritated by him so quickly? I know I’ll get hate for this post. But I honestly just want some help right now to manage and navigate this. So I can have a healthy relationship with both my children and so my son feels safe, secure, and emotionally healthy.”

Instead of being met with hate, the mum was met with understanding by hundreds of other parents who offered kind words and advice.

“This sounds like a form of PPD (postpartum depression). You need to talk with your doctor,” offered one person.

Another mum agreed: “Yes, this! Could also be postpartum anxiety. I had that and it made me extremely irritable and it came out more at my older kids or my spouse. The baby just seemed so helpless and innocent and I was worried/anxious about baby but everything else just felt like extra work.”

While another mum offered her own story: “As others mentioned, please seek therapy. This happened to me when my first was born – my dogs were suddenly annoying and I was not attracted to my husband at the time – like at all. I saw him more of a brotherly figure, it was weird. I eventually grew out of it, but it took a while.”

Did you experience ‘falling out of love’ with your firstborn when your second baby came along? Let us know in the comments below.

  • I’d be getting proffessional help early. Maybe have some fun time away from the new baby with the first one.

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  • As a mum of one it has been amazing to know this in advance so hopefully I can put in place some supports to minimise this! I wish we had more support and programs for mums but especially mums with more than one kid! Why don’t they have mothers groups for baby number two where you can bring baby number one and an additional facilitator assists in watching them while you discuss these things

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  • It can be the hormonal changes and tiredness and everything else in between! The best thing to do is to talk to someone that can offer you support and guidance


    • Support, guidance and strategies are the way to go.

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  • This is so sad. Maybe parents just need a lot more support? I wonder if families that have very close extended family, in-laws, their village/community surrounding them experience this as much? I’m guessing not.

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  • I have four children. There is a four year age gap between babies two and three. I do find the older two more needy and exhausting! Every time I get a bit of time to myself (babies two and three are high needs and baby four is an actual baby) the older ones want something or are constantly talking and it just bugs the hell out of me. Although, unlike this mum, I actually tell them. I tell them I need a minute to myself, that they are being needy, not to shove things in my face as I put one child down and am trying to get the other out of the car. Right now they are talking incessantly and I’ve asked them ALL to be quiet! I feel I get especially annoyed with my eldest who is more than capable of doing things for herself but will ask me to perform simple tasks, or worse will whine she cant without even trying. I get that she feels neglected, but so do i! I neglected myself when the older two were younger and I ended up having a breakdown, so I won’t neglect myself again. Especially when I’m in a constant state of exhaustion, have sleep deprivation and constantly on edge.

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  • Can totally relate.
    Hubby and I were smitten with our first child then when number 2 came along we didn’t think a baby could get any cuter – he was super adorable, well mannered and just an overall sweet child.
    Child number 1 became quite bitter that it wasn’t all about her anymore I started getting quite annoyed at everything she would do to try and get attention as she was being quite nasty to him all the time.
    Hoping those who are experiencing this start to feel better about the other loves of their lives.

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  • It’s horrible but I relate to this after having my 3rd baby. I definitely need some counselling.

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  • Hope she finds support and love from sharing

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  • This is so sad to read. I love all 4 of my children equally. I couldn’t even imagine despising any of them because a new baby has come along.

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  • Seeking some support in this situation might be a good strategy.

    Reply

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