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Article “Is This Awkward Situation With Another Mum My Daughter’s Fault?

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Lots of parents have access to their teenager’s phones, but this mum says another mum has gone too far, by constantly texting her daughter’s friends, using her daughter’s phone.

The mum has shared her experience, to understand whether other parents agree that this is strange behaviour.

The mum explained that her 14-year-old daughter has been friends with Chloe for about a year, and she considers Chloe’s mum Gina pretty strict.

“I was aware she’d check Chloe’s phone (and I know a lot of parents do this), but I found out a few months ago through my daughter that she’d respond through Chloe’s phone to Chloe’s friends, including my daughter,” she explained.

“It was never anything overkill, just, ‘Chloe can’t talk right now, she’s busy with homework’ or whatever. I thought this was odd but didn’t say anything to Gina about it because that’s her life and her business.”

However, it seems that her daughter and Gina got involved in a feisty text exchange, resulting in a phone call from Gina.

“She was very pissed off and told me that my daughter was rude, I needed to start monitoring what she says, etc. I asked her what exactly happened and she said my daughter gave her an attitude via text. I was still very confused and asked why they were texting. Gina became exasperated and snapped ‘Through Chloe’s phone!!’.

“I told her I’d call her back and asked my daughter specifically what happened. My daughter willingly showed me her texts. She had texted Chloe something. Gina had responded (using Chloe’s phone) saying Chloe was busy. My daughter replied asking when Chloe would be available to talk. Gina told her ‘When she’s ready, stop texting her’. My daughter replied, ‘You don’t have to be so rude’. Gina said she wasn’t being rude. My daughter said yes, Gina was, and also called her a weirdo for using Chloe’s phone.”

The mum told her daughter that if it happens again not to engage, and that it’s not kind to call someone names and not to do it again. But she also told her daughter she understand her frustration.

“I didn’t punish her, she seemed receptive to the talk and I left it at that. I called Gina back and told her I had spoken to my daughter and handled the problem. Gina started ranting that I need to monitor my daughter’s phone and have I seen some of the things she talks about?

“She started on crushes, rants about teachers, saying there were times my daughter badmouthed me when frustrated. I said that’s all fine, I’d rather her have a safe space to vent with her friends, after all, she’s a teenager. Gina kept pressing on the issue and what would be done. I told her nothing, I spoke with my daughter and handled it. Gina said, ‘But she insulted an adult!’ I told her I handled it, but my daughter also didn’t say anything that wasn’t true, Gina was acting like a weirdo.”

She says now Gina is furious with her, and her own husband has told her she overstepped because Gina can parent how she wants.

She now want to know whether she handled the situation in the wrong way. What do you think? Let us know in the comments below.

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Comments

  • I honestly think everyone in this scenario should just let it go. Isn’t this the small stuff we should not stress over?

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  • Yes I totally agree. When you are this controlling to your children I am sure it will damage the relationship you have with them. How can a child feel safe with such controlling behaviour and such an invasion of their privacy ? I never went in my kids or my husband’s phones and never would unless they want to share something with me

    Reply

  • I think Gina – the other mum – was quite rude. Firstly she was rude to the daughter, who asked a reasonable question fairly neutrally. And then secondly she was really rude to the other mum, first telling her how to parent and then secondly really going to town on interfering between her and her daughter.

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  • Gina can parent however she wants but she has no right to tell anyone else how to parent. Personally I think she’s being super controlling and it will cause huge problems in her relationship with her daughter as she gets older. I’m not sure why adults think it’s ok to be rude to kids but expect them to be polite back… ..

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  • Yes, it’s true that Gina can parent how she wants, but isn’t she trying to force another parent to parent her way as well? It’s like she’s reprimanding the mum for not being a good enough parent! I agree that this is absolutely obsessive behaviour and not healthy. How is this kind of behaviour going to affect Gina’s daughter later in life? Is she going to be suspiciously checking her spouse’s phone?

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  • This is strange behaviour indeed. Gina can parent how she wants indeed and we don’t have to agree with how she does things, but should respect it. However this means the same for Gina; she doesn’t have to agree with how others parent their children and she should respect this too. The fact that Gina is pressuring the other mum to monitor her daughter’s phone and questioning her about the consequences she implemented is certainly crossing a line.

    Reply

  • There seems to be a luck of trust by monitoring and managing the phone of a child in this way. Reading messages on phones and reading a diary are both similar acts and they are a hard no in this household. Children and adults; both vent through messages to each other and also use a diary for the same thing.

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  • Gosh this is so childish on Chloe’s mum’s part to even be engaging in a conversation with another teenager and then starting an argument with her over the texts. There needs to be boundaries for sure. Perhaps just dont let her daughter respond to texts until she can rather than replying to her friends!

    Reply

  • Yeah I think this behaviour is odd. Replying your your daughters friends messages is unnecessary, and to keep replying was a weird choice. Little wild that OPs daughter called the mum out, though. I could never picture myself calling a friends mum weird. What happens when she wants to go to that friends house, so awkward

    Reply

  • I am shocked that this mum (Gina) is responding to her daughters text messages, that is going too far and to reply with a snappy comment “when she is ready” is just plain rude. I am with the mum here and the fact that she spoke to her daughter is enough, I don’t think she is in the wrong. I think the mum was and should not be replying from her daughters phone. That is way too much and she sounds kind of crazy.

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  • I agree that Gina is a weirdo, but I probably wouldn’t have said so. She was also the one who was rude first, and honestly I think her behaviour is weirdly controlling. I do think the Mum was right to say she wasn’t going to monitor or control her kids’ texts etc.

    Reply
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