21 Answers

Has anyone else had a partner who is struggling to bond with your new baby?

Posted anonymously, 23rd April 2015

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  • Give it time, it will come. Dad’s seem to find it as bub gets older.

  • A lot of dads are worried about hurting delicate little babies but will start engaging when they are confident they won’t ‘break’ them. Give it a couple of months, it will come.

  • My husband found it hard when they were new born he was always afraid he would hurt them, mainly with our first child, but when our second came along it was different, but i also was unwell & ended up in hospital so he had to take on some of the responsability. It does take them a bit of time, its different for them compared to us.

  • I dont think dads really get into it fully until bub starts to get mobile! dont stress, its pretty rare for a father to not bond, it’ll happen & when it does its beautiful!

  • I always give a gift to the father too so he dont feel left out

  • It is hard for dads as they didn’t have life growing inside them but most get involved as much as possible kissing belly, talking to bub and going to appts with you and I hope he was this involved with you and bub.

  • My ex husband wouldn’t bond with our son and said our son robbed him of me. It ended our marriage in the end BUT know my son it 4 he wants to be around. I think it is more about reducing his child support amount he has to pay, as he just doesn’t really seem that interested.

    BUT it is the extreme of what can happy. Some men just need some time to bond with babies. Some men are just scared of them as they think they are fragile and small. Go out for the afternoon and leave the baby with him this might help. TIME is the answer just try not to pressure him about it, may cause more problems.

    Good luck…take the gentle approach.

  • Do you know why he is struggling to bond? Is bub needy, are you both sleep deprived, tired etc. Has his life changed dramatically eg house is a bit messy, dinner isn’t the same? Truely it’s not that uncommon at the beginning. I’ve seen it quite a bit. Men don’t realise how much work babies are and really struggle with the change in family dynamics. I won’t really say cut him some slack as Mums are the ones who are doing most if not all of the work. Speak to him and even if he doesn’t really seem like he wants to bond with bub still get him involved. Make him change nappies, Burb bub and if bub is being difficult and Dad isn’t doing anything important and not trying to help put bub in his arms and walk away for 5 minutes so he can get an idea of what you are going through. Please reply I really hope things get better.

  • Sorry I have not experienced this so can’t offer advice.

  • My partner did for a little while. Once our daughter grew up and wasnt so “fragile” things got a lot better

  • hubby had trouble bonding with our first son so i put him in charge of bath time and bed time. within a week, they were best mates

  • How sad, but can be more common than you think. Why? The crying? Sex of baby? Stress at work? Choose a good moment to share like when the baby is in good mood to to gradually build up bond. But don’t let their struggles dominate your thoughts.

  • This has been a common problem. Depression becomes huge. There maybe underlying problems there. It may come from their own childhood. Not accepting the sex of the baby. Eg they were told having a girl and it was a boy. Today once born the baby is not bathed for three days so the mother does bond. Theres supposed to be the smell of the baby that triggers the senses

  • Its a very common thing, it can take time to bond.

  • Yes my partner didn’t bond with our second son at all. It was awful actually and it wasn’t until he was older and walking and talking that he has now bonded with him.

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