22 Answers

When my son now aged 3 was 4 weeks old my boyfriend kicked his 2 yr old daughter, newborn son and I out of our house.

When my son was 3 months old I started a new relationship with my now husband. My ex has never paid child support and is only interested in the kids when it suits him. About once a month for a night or two.

Recently my ex has found a new woman. She’s 56 and after 3 months of dating he has proposed to her. Now my son calls her mummy. I’m not sure how to feel about this though. Yes my 2 kids call their stepdad daddy. But he has been the one who tucks them into bed every night. Supports them and provides for them while their biological father doesn’t want contact unless it suits him.
Should I let it go or do something. My son told me because ***** is marrying his real dad ***** she will be his real mother.

Posted by kellibubba, 10th September 2014

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  • Your child will be able to differentiate as he gets older. All the best.

  • this would hurt. but it sounds like it is coming from your ex and the new woman. i would talk to your son and say that he doesn’t have to do it

  • Ouch, that would hurt! I would be stepping up and saying something, I think he should be discouraged from calling her mummy just for the fact it’s such a new relationship. Your ex and new partner are obviously putting this in his head, say something and stop it

  • Oh gosh, I have to be honest, I would hate this! When my kid’s father was living with another woman who had kids, my daughter referred to them as sisters & said they’d told her they were. I corrected her & said they weren’t & explained the structure of the whole family matter of factly. That relationship didn’t last by the way so I’m glad I said it but also I am very literal & matter of fact with my kids.
    Such a tough one! I have friends who are “other mummy” & other special nicknames like “Mo” who are step mums. Good luck with this, it’s a tough one not to let your emotions take over.
    *****Maybe it’s time to do a family tree craft project :D******

  • Thinking step mum is real mum probably needs some attention. Like a chat about her being a step mum. Calling her mum isn’t bad on its own, that’s for you to decide how you shall refer to her while in your own house. And it’s ok if you decide it’s ok, and not ok if you decide that:) Hope it all works out, tough call!

  • I think you should sit down a try to explain it to him. Try to get him to say her name rather than mum. Explain why you are his mum. There is nothing wrong with not wanting to share that Title with anyone else.

  • No this is not right! YOU are his mummy not this other woman. I would NOT be ok with this.you need to tell him and try make him understand maybe call her something else, if not by name something you are comfortable with. As for him calling his step dad, daddy. Technically he isn’t his dad and I can see how it should work both ways but I completly understand that he is the one that has been there, either way you can’t deny the fact that that you are his mum and his step dad is not his dad. Maybe get him to call the step parents stepdad/step mum or by first name? It’s hard but it has to work both ways even if his dad is a dud.

  • If they call ur partner daddy I don’t see a problem vice versa.. with us my son doesnt call him dad and my other halfs daughter doesn’t call me mum.. each to their own.. and family court is good for proper visitations people are usually scared of it but honestly its for the best

  • My 3 children call their stepmother mum, its upsetting but its the way it is. I have encouraged them since to call their stepfather (my partner) dad, they are older though and find it a little harder to do.
    It hurts for a while, but your son will grow up and realize you are his only real mum, and it will make things much worse if a fuss is made over it in the meantime.

  • I know it is tearing your heart up hearing her called that, try and let it go as it will only cause you more greif.

  • I know this is heartbreaking but I wouldn’t worry about it . If your son doesn’t see them that often I’m sure he will work out what’s going on in his own time.

  • He is being influential to a young boy if it was me I would always refer here as her first name. And remind hi gently that you are mummy and she is her name, I had a hopeless ex same situation. I feel for you it’s hard in good time when he is older he will realise the truth it just takes time

  • Let it go, it’s not worth it and something your son may grow out of, he knows who is real mummy is – chin up :-)

  • So sad ,people are so selfish.I think let it go because probably wont last long .He wants happy family ,even if not true .Your child knows who his real Mum is .

  • Oh K, what a tough spot to be in. I’ve had to deal with some things like this with my two (their father left when they were 7mths and 29mths and sounds much like your ex). What a selfish, gutless piece of work your ex is to have to play head games with a 3 year old just to be spiteful to you. Because that’s all it is, trying to get at you. What an insecure little being. What you have to try to remember is that you (and your new husband) are the constant in your children’s lives. Try not to make too much of the situation with your son. Maybe a light conversation about how your name is mummy and maybe there is another name for his father’s girlfriend (assuming there’s been no shotgun wedding and she’s now a wife)? Maybe ask your son what he would like to call her, because he can help choose. But no matter what, you will always love him and always be his mummy. I know it will be hard. And I know it feels awful. But try not to make it seem like a big deal, to your son or your ex (because that would be buying into his male bovine excrement). Stay strong.

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