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9:34 pm
A "must read" for any stepmum
A great insight into the role of a stepmum, I will put this one on the shelf and revert back to i I am sure when I face situations in our own lives later on.
3:10 pm
I wonderful insite into a missunderstood position
“It is so refreshing to read the alternative narrative portrayed by the stepmothers, as they describe their experiences in fulfilling a role that, throughout history, has been portrayed negatively”
Having been a stepmother for the last 14 years, I found I could relate to almost all the situations and stories. I highly recommend this book to anyone who is a step-parent, knows a step-parent or has a step-parent.
Stepmother Love is a wonderful resource for anyone starting a relationship with someone who has kids from a previous relationship or who wants to understand someone they know in one. There are so many factors involved with step parenting. The dynamics of a relationship can be completely different when there are the extra issues that come with a partner not being able to leave their past behind them.
In the beginning of a traditional relationship, its is often true that the new couple cant get enough of each other. They each have the others undivided attention. If one of those people has children, the other has to accept that they will never have the undivided attention of their partner. Sort of like the ‘elephant in the room’. You can never think that it will ever be all about you. You cannot ever expect a parent to put you before their children. If there is any sense of insecurity, the relationship will not run smoothly, there will be resentment, jealousy and ultimately the demise of the relationship.
In the format of the book, I will tell a brief version of my Story of Stepmother Love.
My husband (lets call him John) had his first child at 19 (lets call her Tia). John and the mother (lets call her Sara) separated when the Tia was 8 months old and she had another child with her new partner.
John and I started dating when Tia was 5. I was 16. I had always wanted to have kids so the fact that John had a daughter was a bonus to me.
We both fell in love hard and fast. I was still at school and had many friends telling me not to get involved with an older man with a child. I’m glad I didn’t listen to them.
I was mature enough to know that I would never be put before the child. I never put him in a position where he had to choose. I found I was accepted by his adorable, smart, sweet daughter very quickly. I loved the fact that I was a ‘16 year old step mum’. I relished the ‘family’ time and although I never tried to be Tias ‘mum’ (she would often accidentally call me Mum though) I knew that I needed her to respect me and my role in her life early on. I had Johns support and he would tell her, “you are to do as you are told from either of us”, and so on.
Despite this, I was not mature enough to understand the dynamics of the relationship between John and Sara, nor the fact that there was another child involved. I always respected that fact that regardless of what I thought of Sara, she was Tias mother. I have a wonderful relationship with my own mother and would hate anyone who said a bad word about her.
I look back now and feel terrible about how judgemental I was of Sara. I had the ‘hate the ex’ mentality from high school. I hated how long it would take for drop off’s and pick ups. I would question John on why, who and what on every occasion. Not because I didn’t trust him, but because I couldn’t understand why it took so long. I gradually learnt that it was mostly because the ‘joys’ of having more then one child. The dynamics of having a ‘part time’ child and a ‘full time’ child are totally different. The main cause of the delays was coming from the sister who hated the fact that Tia was being ‘taken away’ all the time. It was heart breaking.
There were many ups and down over the years but we never really had any major problems.
When Tia was 14, she came to live with us full time. Something I had always hoped she would do. Some said the timing was bad because I was pregnant with my first child but I could not be more grateful for the extra set of hands. There were a few ups and downs while we worked out the difference between ‘part time’ and ‘full time’ parenting. John and Tia have a beautiful relationship and communicate in the same quiet, easy going manner. I on the other hand am totally different to her. It took me a while to realise that she was not the same ‘kind’ of teenager that I was. Whether it was due to her interesting upbringing, or not, she would behave in and react to situations completely differently to what I expected. When there was an issue, I would react the way my mother would have if it were me, which would result in Tia and I fighting and her storming off. I would vent to John, we would discuss the issue and he would deliver the verdict in his placid way. I would be huffing and puffing around waiting for them to have a ‘quiet’ word. They would later appear as if nothing had happened. I never gave her enough credit for how mature she was.
Tia is 20 this year and I could not be more proud of her. She is a caring and loving big sister, a loyal and sensitive friend and a respectful, trustworthy, honest, balanced young adult and I love the fact that I may have played a small (or big) part in how she has turned out.
From reading Stepmother Love, I found myself able to understand the emotions and behaviour of all involved in my own experience. I was able to reflect and see from the perspectives of others. I love that I’m part of the ‘Stepmother Sisterhood’ and I actually feel better about the last 14 years and think I can let go of some resentments and negative emotions that have lingered.
Thank you Sally Collins for writing the book, thank you to all those who told their stories and thank you Mouths of Mums for giving me the opportunity to reflect on an experience that is a major part of my life.
3:32 pm
Great insight to lives of step mums Stores
2:36 pm
This is a MUST READ for every stepmother!
I do hope this book continues to deliver as I continue to turn the pages. We are off to a great start though!
12:27 pm
an insight into blended families that's an amazing read
6:19 pm
Very well written, great read!
Thank you so much for the chance to add this great book to my collection ♡
11:19 pm
8:28 pm
Amazing women, great stories!
I couldnt put it down, would recommend it to anyone who is faced with this situation, made me feel better about myself and my own experience. :-)
8:35 am
Great read
12:51 pm
I found it really interesting
1:45 pm
sounds awesome and looks great
10:39 pm
Filled with real emotion
4:58 pm
Stories with emotion
9:34 pm
A "must read" for any stepmum
A great insight into the role of a stepmum, I will put this one on the shelf and revert back to i I am sure when I face situations in our own lives later on.
6:19 pm
Very well written, great read!
Thank you so much for the chance to add this great book to my collection ♡
7:12 pm
Every StepMum should read this :)
I loved the stories, some were nothing like me, and some were. I took bits from all of them and related to some of most of them, if all that makes sense.
Go read it! It can't hurt can it? Any advise is always gratefully received.
1:43 pm
Stepmother Love - informative and accurate
8:39 pm
Never trusted a Step Mum
3:32 pm
Great insight to lives of step mums Stores
2:08 pm
At last someone understands!!
Having started to read this book - I loved the stories, the mums and could identify so much - I think all stepchildren perhaps should read it!! Thank you for making me feel that my voice is being heard and there are wonderful step mums out there.
The book was well written, easy to read but powerful in what it said and uplifts your spirits while you read about the different stories.
For all you step mums out there - give yourself a big pat on the back - and now my stepchildren have grown and given me grandchildren, I realise that it was all worth it. One of them has turned round and said thanks and that he loves me :) payment enough if you feel you need it. My stepdaughter was always a problem - even before I became her step mum,and we are now good friends. So read this book and take heart - you are doing a great job!
3:10 pm
I wonderful insite into a missunderstood position
“It is so refreshing to read the alternative narrative portrayed by the stepmothers, as they describe their experiences in fulfilling a role that, throughout history, has been portrayed negatively”
Having been a stepmother for the last 14 years, I found I could relate to almost all the situations and stories. I highly recommend this book to anyone who is a step-parent, knows a step-parent or has a step-parent.
Stepmother Love is a wonderful resource for anyone starting a relationship with someone who has kids from a previous relationship or who wants to understand someone they know in one. There are so many factors involved with step parenting. The dynamics of a relationship can be completely different when there are the extra issues that come with a partner not being able to leave their past behind them.
In the beginning of a traditional relationship, its is often true that the new couple cant get enough of each other. They each have the others undivided attention. If one of those people has children, the other has to accept that they will never have the undivided attention of their partner. Sort of like the ‘elephant in the room’. You can never think that it will ever be all about you. You cannot ever expect a parent to put you before their children. If there is any sense of insecurity, the relationship will not run smoothly, there will be resentment, jealousy and ultimately the demise of the relationship.
In the format of the book, I will tell a brief version of my Story of Stepmother Love.
My husband (lets call him John) had his first child at 19 (lets call her Tia). John and the mother (lets call her Sara) separated when the Tia was 8 months old and she had another child with her new partner.
John and I started dating when Tia was 5. I was 16. I had always wanted to have kids so the fact that John had a daughter was a bonus to me.
We both fell in love hard and fast. I was still at school and had many friends telling me not to get involved with an older man with a child. I’m glad I didn’t listen to them.
I was mature enough to know that I would never be put before the child. I never put him in a position where he had to choose. I found I was accepted by his adorable, smart, sweet daughter very quickly. I loved the fact that I was a ‘16 year old step mum’. I relished the ‘family’ time and although I never tried to be Tias ‘mum’ (she would often accidentally call me Mum though) I knew that I needed her to respect me and my role in her life early on. I had Johns support and he would tell her, “you are to do as you are told from either of us”, and so on.
Despite this, I was not mature enough to understand the dynamics of the relationship between John and Sara, nor the fact that there was another child involved. I always respected that fact that regardless of what I thought of Sara, she was Tias mother. I have a wonderful relationship with my own mother and would hate anyone who said a bad word about her.
I look back now and feel terrible about how judgemental I was of Sara. I had the ‘hate the ex’ mentality from high school. I hated how long it would take for drop off’s and pick ups. I would question John on why, who and what on every occasion. Not because I didn’t trust him, but because I couldn’t understand why it took so long. I gradually learnt that it was mostly because the ‘joys’ of having more then one child. The dynamics of having a ‘part time’ child and a ‘full time’ child are totally different. The main cause of the delays was coming from the sister who hated the fact that Tia was being ‘taken away’ all the time. It was heart breaking.
There were many ups and down over the years but we never really had any major problems.
When Tia was 14, she came to live with us full time. Something I had always hoped she would do. Some said the timing was bad because I was pregnant with my first child but I could not be more grateful for the extra set of hands. There were a few ups and downs while we worked out the difference between ‘part time’ and ‘full time’ parenting. John and Tia have a beautiful relationship and communicate in the same quiet, easy going manner. I on the other hand am totally different to her. It took me a while to realise that she was not the same ‘kind’ of teenager that I was. Whether it was due to her interesting upbringing, or not, she would behave in and react to situations completely differently to what I expected. When there was an issue, I would react the way my mother would have if it were me, which would result in Tia and I fighting and her storming off. I would vent to John, we would discuss the issue and he would deliver the verdict in his placid way. I would be huffing and puffing around waiting for them to have a ‘quiet’ word. They would later appear as if nothing had happened. I never gave her enough credit for how mature she was.
Tia is 20 this year and I could not be more proud of her. She is a caring and loving big sister, a loyal and sensitive friend and a respectful, trustworthy, honest, balanced young adult and I love the fact that I may have played a small (or big) part in how she has turned out.
From reading Stepmother Love, I found myself able to understand the emotions and behaviour of all involved in my own experience. I was able to reflect and see from the perspectives of others. I love that I’m part of the ‘Stepmother Sisterhood’ and I actually feel better about the last 14 years and think I can let go of some resentments and negative emotions that have lingered.
Thank you Sally Collins for writing the book, thank you to all those who told their stories and thank you Mouths of Mums for giving me the opportunity to reflect on an experience that is a major part of my life.
7:42 pm
Great insight to lives of step mums
8:28 pm
Amazing women, great stories!
I couldnt put it down, would recommend it to anyone who is faced with this situation, made me feel better about myself and my own experience. :-)
8:35 am
Great read
9:07 pm
Stepmother Love tugged at my heartstrings
8:31 pm
A must read for every woman..and man
These stories depict the daily struggles, fears, anger and doubt and catapults it straight into ypur heart.
Definitely food for thought for every person
12:51 pm
I found it really interesting
12:46 pm
I found it really interesting
11:02 pm
Don't judge a book by its cover
12:11 pm
An informative and true to life read
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