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Article So you want to be an egg donor

By Emily Morgan
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33 Comments

Or perhaps you don’t. Perhaps, like most of us, you’ve never even thought about being an egg donor.

On behalf of the thousands of women out there who long to become mothers and the thousands of men out there who yearn to become fathers, I ask you now to consider.

There are many reasons why women don’t have children:

  1. They don’t want kids.
  2. They want to build their career.
  3. They think they have plenty of time.
  4. They don’t want to do it on their own, and Mr Right is running late.
  5. Their physical condition or illness prevents them from conceiving or carrying to term.
  6. They have tried – and tried – without success.

Unfortunately, many women discover too late that they have waited too long. Others discover that no matter how early they start, they have very little chance of conceiving.

The numbers game

Generally, from the age of 32, women’s fertility takes a sharp nose dive. Five years later and their chances of naturally conceiving a child are halved. At age 30, women’s chances of falling pregnant naturally are 20%.

At age 40, their chances are 5%. After 40, they are fighting the clock every step of the way.

But the age of 40 isn’t that old in today’s society. What with schooling, finding the right career and then clawing your way up the ladder, you can easily reach your thirties or forties without having the luxury of time for children.

The solution

When your eggs just won’t do (or in the case of fathers, if you don’t have eggs at all), your only hope is to seek out someone to donate.

Egg donation is the only legal means of obtaining eggs in Australia. In the US and other countries, you can purchase eggs online or from clinics. Here, altruistic donations are the only option. That’s a problem.

Because very few women even think about donating eggs, just as very few men think about donating sperm.

There are no great ad campaigns about ‘rolling up your sleeves’ for egg and sperm donation.  It just doesn’t have the same heft as blood donation, or even organ donation.

It’s a sacrifice

For women, donating eggs is quite an undertaking. You have to have blood tests and scans to ensure you’re healthy. Then you have to take daily, self-administered injections to boost egg production. Finally, you have to undergo general anaesthetic while your eggs are harvested in a day surgery.

It’s much easier for men, but no less kind. If not for a kind and generous man whose name I may never know, I would not be a parent today.

If you are under 35 (mid twenties is best), have had all the children you want to have, and want to give something to a person who will never be able to adequately express their gratitude to you for changing their lives, then consider donating eggs.

 A noble gift

Egg donors are so thin on the ground they have quite a bit of power. If you decide to donate eggs, you can choose a person to donate to from a forum or clinic list.

People bare their hearts, lives and souls to you in the hope that you will be touched by their story and pick them.

You can ask for updates on your biological offspring’s life, photos, even relationships (though there is no legal relationship between you and the offspring from a donated egg). Lifelong friendships form.

Women and men who seek egg donors come from varied backgrounds. They all have a different story, many of them heartbreaking in their attempts to have a family. Some are single, some are married, some are straight, some are gay. Some are rich, some are ordinary, everyday hard workers.

All are united in a longing to become parents. They are all determined and relentlessly optimistic in the face of tiny supply, huge costs and small chance of success.

Even with a healthy donor egg, the chances of conception using IVF are still miniscule, but they persevere. These are worthy people.

If you can recall that joyous moment when you first held your child in your arms, or first recognised that immense responsibility for another life and your heart lifted rather than sank under the burden, then you will understand what drives these hardy souls.

Perhaps it will even spur you on to make the ultimate gift to another person: the gift of life.

Can you relate to this story? Please SHARE your story with us below.

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Comments

  • My eldest lost her first baby to a miscarraige just under 2 years ago. She is in her mid 30’s. I would love to know if they are still trying or if they decided to leave trying for a while.

    Reply

  • Thank you for the informative article, cheers.

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  • I have thought about it. My brother and his wife are unable to have kids and I considered donating eggs and even being a surrogate for them. He ended up being a p@$&k and we no longer talk, so I’m glad I didn’t go through with it. Am I too old at 48 to do it now?

    Reply

  • What an interesting article, i never had a problem but had many friends that did.

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  • I did tHonk about donating eggs years ago. I’m so glad I didn’t because I’m not sure how I’ld cope thinking ‘my’ baby was out there somewhere :,(

    • Yes, I had the same issue, and could only see around it if I maintained some sort of connection even if only a yearly update and photo.

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  • Thanks for this wonderful article Emily, this is a topic that’s very close to my heart as I have two beautiful boys thanks to the generous, unselfish act of our wonderful egg donor. We really do need to raise awareness of this topic as there are so many more people like us out there who will never experience the joys of being a parent without the help of wonderful donors. We really need more women to be aware of this & to consider it.
    I am still in awe everyday that a complete stranger stepped forward to give us the greatest gift anyone could receive, the gift of life ♡

    • What an absolutely wonderful story! I’m so glad you benefited from such a generous gift. I wonder if you maintain a connection with your donor?

    Reply

  • I went through IVF with the possibility of needing someone else’s eggs or sperm. I think any person that donates is amazing. There are so many people who want children, but can’t have them. And if you’re one of those who can’t, you’re desperate. It takes a special kind of person to donate. Always know you’re doing a wonderful service for someone in helping to fulfil their lifelong dream of a family.

    • Thanks for your comment – it truly is a gift that keeps on giving. I’m so glad your IVF journey was successful!

    Reply

  • I have been through IVF. And I warn anyone considering such an incredibly generous act, that it will be physically very difficult.

    • That’s important to know, thanks for sharing.

      • Everyone reacts differently to IVF treatment, I for one didn’t find it too difficult or painful to go through.

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  • very nice

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  • Thanks for an article that encourages thought and discussion.

    Reply

  • I personally could never do it. I don’t want to sound selfish, but the thought of someone else raising my child (well, the child that came from my egg), I just can’t even bear to think of it. I think I equate it to someone else raising my beautiful 4 mth daughter. I would die before I’d let someone else raise her instead of me and my loving fiance.
    But hats off to those who do donate eggs. It takes an incredible person to donate their eggs/sperm, to know that there may be children created from their donation and that they will most likely never know those children. To never see their first smile or their graduation. It takes an incredible person to be able to let go of that to give someone else their shot at such an amazing experience.

    • I think we’re a lot more selfish a society than we once were. Things like raising orphaned children, even breastfeeding other people’s children, which are still done by the community as a whole in so-called less ‘civilised’ societies, are seen as huge burdens or even taboo in today’s modern Western society. I think egg and sperm donation is an extension of this. Thanks to science it is possible, but people struggle to let go of that need for self, and self control. Maybe!

    Reply

  • i hate how this topic is seen as taboo! i think that maybe i will do this. The more and more that i see about this topic, the more people are either against it and unwilling to donate.

    I think that i will do this someday but the truth is that i have had all the children that i want and i am so happy with my family. I remember how my life changed that second that my child and i looked at each other and there was this calmness and overwhelming feeling of love. Nothing has topped this and i have the greatest hubby in the world!

    I think that i am the right age to make this decision NOW and i think that my husband will support me. I know that this gift is more than just giving someone a chance at having their own child but it is a great gift to humanity. Being so selfless to a stranger is something that society teaches us against. Everything is me, me, me and how i can be happy with all the materialistic things that i want.

    • How wonderful that you’re thinking along those lines! I hope everything works out perfectly for you. I know that if you do go through with your thoughts, you will make another family incredibly happy.

      • I think it’s wonderful that you are considering being an egg donor, it’s a truly wonderful gift to give someone :)

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  • I looked into it years ago. At the time you had to go on the pill to regulate your cycle. Since I have had adverse reactions to the pill (the worst being PMS so bad I was near suicidal) it’s not something I could do. However if they could work out a way to remove a woman’s ovary and harvest those eggs I’ll gladly donate one of mine. I have two healthy happy children from the same ovary and would be happy for others to have what is left.

    • That’s wonderful. I don’t think you have to go on the pill anymore; they do injections instead. But I could be wrong, I didn’t get that far into the process. I also had terrible side effects from the pill and wouldn’t go back on it.

    Reply

  • I couldn’t do it, but hats off to those who could.

    • Same here. Mind you I did try but I was at the wrong end of the age group and in the end their fertility specialist advised against it – fair enough, they spend so much money, the least they can do is try to get the best eggs they can.

    Reply

  • Lke it

    Reply

  • I can’t relate to being an egg donor but I can relate to going through IVF twice and both times failed. the hormones injected sent me on an emotional rollercoaster. Not an easy process for anyone. I can’t imagine doing that to give eggs to someone else. That may sound selfish I know

    • Not selfish at all, it’s a natural reaction. I didn’t talk about surrogacy here, but that’s something I could never do, having been so sick with both my pregnancies, I could never go through that for another person. It’s the same sort of issue.

      • It doesn’t sound selfish at all. I can’t even take the contraceptive pill because I turn into a banchee from the hormones. I have often thought of egg donation, but unfortunately I wouldn’t fit into the category now. I have seen the journey of women going through IVF, and I take my hat off to you. It is heartbreaking to see people who abuse drugs etc and seem to be the most fertile people on earth, then you have those who have tried and tried and have to go through the heart wrenching process of IVF.

    Reply
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