The first 2 years of my partner and my relationship was the hardest thing ive ever had to face in life.
In 2012 the day before my my 18th birthday my partner(23) and I found out i was pregnant we were so happy but decide to wait to tell anyone until we were out of the danger zone. a week later we find out his dad has chest cancer and only has a few months to live, 3 days later we find out his mum has bowel cancer and doesnt have long. We both were so shocked and was just beside our selves. My partner wasnt sure he wanted his parents to know about the pregnancy so it took a little less greivence away from them i guess. 2 months passed and his father died its was terrible i felt so helpless and useless in the situation we were in. I started showing and we both decided no matter how hard the situation we had to tell his mum so i didnt have to hide from her. She was so happy but so sad at the same time that she wouldnt be there for the birth of her 2nd grandchild. She was an amzing lady and did so much to help us set up before she passed. I repayed my gratitude with helping her right to the very end. i was 26 weeks and i was helping a fullgrown lady shower, go to the toilet and change over nappys and bags. I wasnt allowed to say goodbye to her, my partner didnt want me there and i wanted to respect his wishes. I was a hard thhing just to sit at home alone waiting for a call or a text or just somesort of notification that she had passed.
He came home and just hugged me and held me . it was a hard experinence and we are still trying to get over the whole thing. I saw her everynight after she passed whether it was pregnancy brain or her ghost i dont know but she was there and she just smiled. After all the stress my body was under i ended up getting preclampsia and gestational diabetes. but i mananaged
Last doctors appointment we were listening to bubs heart beat and the doctors face dropped and said wait a second and left the room. trying to stay calm i tried to get someone to come to the hospital to be with me . she came back in the room with another doctor and listened to his heart. There was an abnormal blip…..
My heart dropped they set me up to this machiene where i sat for an hour so they could get readings on his heart. I was then booked in to be induced.
5 hours passed finally contactions start
5 hours in pain increasing
20 hours in waters still not broken and have turned white and blue lips
30 hours in finally waters break and its almost go time
35 hour in they give me an epidural
36 hours time to push
38.5 hours my son was born healthy and happy 7.3oz blue eyes, smiling.
1 week later had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis
3 months later my partner and i havent kissed since the birth.
6 months later we had a date communication was bad and no intimacy. I then slipped in to a deep state of depression was put on 3 different types of medication to help me be normal. I wasnt normal i was Numb. this isnt living feeding my self medication to not cry, to not feel, to not live. I still am not medication but only one now.
My relationship is still on rocks we love each other but these 2 years wow really have affected us for the worst. The thing that gets me through the day is my little man spencer. he is beautiful.
Thanks for reading. i think i needed to get that out im crying but its good.
Posted by CatieGiirl, 4th July 2014