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For a little while now I’ve noticed that I am growing apart from some friends. It’s like I don’t even know them anymore and they don’t know me. I am suddenly the bad person for not having enough time for them. I have 2 kids now not just one and they just do not seem to understand that it isn’t as easy to get them both ready and happy (specially at the same time) and just head out to wherever and stay for hours at a time. No.1 was a very easy baby who would sleep anywhere and never had an issue, but now he is 2 and tantrums gallore and No.2 is a fussy, cranky, windy baby so it is just not that easy. Even getting time to call people is hard and Facebook and emails seem a little too impersonal. I realise that the majority of this is my fault but I do feel that if they just thought about it for a minute they would see it;s not on purpose.

Sorry for the rant, but it does feel good to get it out there.


Posted by ange s, 29th May 2013


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  • Sounds perfectly normal. I don’t think people understand individual childrearing challenges and situations very well and/or you often do drift away from friends who you don’t share with as much with anymore. I wouldn’t feel bad, but take some time to reassess if you do want friends (and at some times I think it is easier to focus on one or two really supportive relationships and not spread self too thinly), and maybe pick one or two who you want to put your efforts into. Otherwise maybe look in some new circles?

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  • Email has proved a great way to stay connected o some friends while we’re all dealing with he little kids phase.

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  • It is hard , but if you ask for their help and perhaps think of a solution , anyone can find the balance. When my kids were young and vice versa, when we came over or the other way around , we helped each other eg, get the food, clothes the kids , anything and none of it is a issue. Why don’t you say I am exhausted and see if they can come up with a good idea. If your friends are single it might be hard as they wont understand but friends with kids will.

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  • Don’t worry – you are most definitely not the first to experience this! Lets face it, if your friends are not prepared to even try and understand what you go through, then are they really worth having as friends?

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  • I think facebook is still a great way for people to know ur there.. sort of thing

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  • Good to get it out & have a rant. Many of us have been (or are) in the same boat. I’ve had the same problem. I’m looking forward to my littlies getting older, so I can have friends again!! lol :-)

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  • All I can say is I HEAR YA SISTER!!!

    xxx

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  • I hear you! After reading your story i thought yo myself, at least i’m not alone. We are the first of our friends to have a baby, and whilst most are really understanding and flexible, there are some who just don’t understand. No matter how much you try to explain, fit in or adapt the routine to ensure you can still see them, people can be really critical. I especially found this hard when my son was first born and had bad reflux. We would go places and he would scream and cry for hours. I would be pacing, trying to smile and be positive,all the while trying make the crying stop (and thinking i just want to cry myself and go home!) Working through this was tricky, and whilst most of our friends are still around, i do feel different and sometimes a bit out of it!

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  • Friendships once you have a family are incredibly hard and logistically challenging. I have found that my friendships with people who don’t have children suffer not so much from the inability to catch up, but from the times things are set for – I need to have dinner at 6pm and home by 830 and not just because otherwise I can’t plan for how my daughter will behave, but also because I am thoroughly exhausted after 830 and need the sleep! Lunches on weekends are fine, but I can’t have an in depth conversation if my daughter is there because she needs some of my attention and I don’t have the ability to laze away the afternoon gossiping with wine.

    I wish I could say it’s my fault but it’s not – it’s just what happens when circumstances change. My social life has now made way for parents of my daughters friends, family and those in a similar situation. It’s amazing how some of those friendships can continue with a flurry of text messages every few weeks and a catch up every couple of months, but that’s the life of a working mum I guess!

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