How to move forward when your child is sexually abused.

6 Comments

The important thing to remember when your child has been sexually abused is that YOU need to be strong for them. It is okay to lock yourself in the bathroom and have a good cry at times but you do need to be able to put on a brave smile and show your child that life can be good again and that you can return to a normal family life. Counselling can really be a big help but you do need to find a counsellor that you connect well with and feel comfortable expressing all the thoughts and feelings you;’re experiencing with. Both of you (parents) need regular counselling as no parent is equiped to deal with the deep emotional shock that child abuse brings. I also initially battled with my faith, as I thought to myself, “how could God allow this to happen to us”. Another thought I had was “this doesn’t happen to kids you know- this happens to strangers kids!”. After much soul searching, thinking, reading the bible and praying I realized that “life just isn’t always easy, life is full of challenges and we need to be able to respond effectively to the curveballs that life throws at us”. I realized that I couldn;’t allow this malicious attack (sexual abuse) control my life and eradicate things which were of impiortance to me (such as my faith). I couldn’t allow this selfish act to destroy my life forever. There are many hard choices that we, as parents are faced with and will continue to face on this journey but we have both chosen to work towards wholeness. We could continue hating the perpretrator and let this ruin our lives and sink into a deep depressive state (which would be no good for our children or workplaces) or we could learn to forgive. The decision to forgive has been very painful and is a daily struggle but I (as a mother) have forgiven the perpetrator in my heart. This does not mean I need to tell them of my decision nor does it mean I am condoning what happened. My decision to forgive means that I am free of the burden of carrying the hatred and anger around at how unfair the world is and how I have not recieved justice. There are indeed many decisions to be made regarding things such as how do you feel about where you are living, schools, lifestyle. The important thing to remember is not to rush these decisions. Don’t make any major decisions within the year as you will change your mind so many times as you learn to move forwards. Initially we wanted to leave our home and start fresh somewhere else but we have decided to stay put for now and see how we feel a few months down the track. After all it’s not fair that we be the ones pushed out of our home and give up a lifestyle we enjoy plus not to mention work prospects. Other things you will have clear in your mind such as our decision to homeschool. Initially I wanted to quit work but am now thinking of reducing my hours so that I can teach my children in a safe environment while still contributing to our family income. By showing resilience as parents- we teach our kids how to cope when life is tough. I think the main thing I want to stress is that you need to talk as a husband and wife through all of this, so you can get to the same page and make decisions which are healing and beneficial for your very own family. We all heal differently and at different rates but I have found that holding on to a piece of hope, no matter how small it is will bring the sunshine back into your life. And it is okay to cry… find an apprpriate place and time, whether that be together with your spouse or apart and just let the tears flow…..

Posted by preggiegoddess01, 22nd April 2013

6 Comments

- - june11 said
  - 06 Aug 2016
    9:48 pm
As a Mum if you have to have a good cry, if you do it under the shower there is no way your child can hear you if they wake up and you think they are asleep. You can express your anger etc. without them knowing how distressed you are. Apart from appearance at a court if necessary,(hopefully not) make sure they are not subject to seeing the alledged person at all or others who don’t believe the situation or others who won’t offer support at all. They are sometimes scared of all males for awhile, may even freeze on the spot even if they know them well. If that happens even after counselling, a lot more is needed and some may need to be done “from a different angle”. The child needs to be in a class that has female teachers only. If the alledged is another relative you may find your whole family is “cut off” by them. If that happens ensure you advise the counseller. If it is a young boy who has been sexually assaulted by a male teacher he may need female teachers. If the alledged is a female, the boy may need all male teachers.

- - Moonberry said
  - 23 Feb 2015
    3:43 pm
It would be very hard to deal with something like that. I was a victim, but I am unsure what I would do if it happened to my children!

- - alioop said
  - 06 Apr 2014
    12:48 pm
This has to be the most painful possible situation for a parent to be in. Thanks for sharing your advice

- - jodie80 said
  - 31 Mar 2014
    8:01 pm
im glad u shared your story to let other mums know how to react

- - arcticwynta said
  - 28 Feb 2014
    1:24 am
I can talk from experience and what I did was allow my child to talk about it to us and we listened and we also told her she was not to let this person take anything away from her as a person or in her life as that was just letting him have continual control over her. She is now turning 30 and is married and she has accomplished alot in her years and has many certs in many things. She is very well qualified in alot of things and enjoys her life to the full and she did not allow him to have any power over her as she did nothing wrong
- mom57522 replied
  
  26 Dec 2014 , 11:51 pm
  How lucky she was to have you give her the tools to deal with it.